Do you remember those choose your own adventure books from elementary school? They were so cool. You got to the end of the chapter and you got to pick how you wanted the story to end by deciding which page to flip to. I've discovered taht is exactly how being a mom is. Every day is a choose your own adventure. There are a million ways my day could end each night. For instance. I've learned that getting my son out of the house and into the garage every morning has about 5 adventures alone. First I get him dressed then I grab his shoes and he immediatly takes off running. Do I A: Chase him and force his shoes on or B: Let him leave the house with out shoes? A always wins. So it begins around and around in circles we go till I finally capture him and hold his wiggling body down enough to get his shoes on. This same adventure occurs with his jacket. Then we leave and go into the wonderland known as the garage. He jumps of the bottom step and a new adventure begins this is known as running circles around my car while I try and catch him to get him in do I A: let him run around and around or B: head him of at the pass and force him into the car? Usually I let him get one lap in and thats it. But then it happens. The wagon catches his eye and zoooom he's off to try and open the little door and crawl in, do I A: Drag him away and put him in the car or B: put him in the wagon and take him for a short walk? For the most part B wins if the weather is nice. So now we are off down the street then up the street then back in the garage to park the wagon till tomorrows escapades. So he is in the car and we are off and running. Other things are adventures. Take this morning. I needed a shower so I locked the bedroom door gave him his milk and put him in my bed to watch tellitubbies. This usually works well. So I'm in the shower and I'm close to being done I'm shaved and scrubbed just gotta do my hair. Every couple minutes I look out the door into the mirror that reflects on my bed and we share a smile. Uh Oh I see him lean over and reach for something. Its the notepad and pen on the side of my husbands nightstand. Double Oh no he's pulled the lid off the pen. Do I A: Jump out of the shower run soaking across the carpeted bathroom floor into the room to grab the pen and leave him there screaming or B: hope and pray he gets bored and sets the pen down. I choose B and that was a mistake. I got out of the shower to find my sons hand completly covered in purple scribble along with his food and his eye. I venture farther and find purple pen scribbled on my sheets and all over the notepad along with half of his chocolate milk dumped onto the sheets. Now I'm rushing to pull the sheets off the bed smoosh them in the washer and get that going. Now its time to get the kid dressed which means chasing him through the kitchen and into his room. Do I A: Give up and crawl back into bed or B: give up and wait till I trick him to coming to me and shove the shirt over his head? B I sit and wait, and wait and wait. Finally I catch the little monkey and try try try to squeeze his giant head through the impossibly small neck hole on his shirt. Success. Now I just have to convince him to wear his jacket. The whole cycle begins again. Don't even get me started on all the adventures we have each day at work. There was a nice little one today. He likes to come potty with mommy. So off we go to the potty I sit down to do my business and he opens his wipe warmer and starts pulling out each wipe. This is usual until he figures out "I can squeeze these and make water come out." Now he is pulling out each wipe, squeezing the water on the floor and squeeling with delight. Do I A: Jump off the toilet and chase him with my pants around my ankles or B: stare helplessly. I choose B finish tinkling and rush to pull up my pants (folding my panty liner over in the process, that is going to hurt later to pull of) and start grabbing baby wipes and shoving them back in the warmer. He is one step ahead he runs to the first aid cabinet and grabs a box of bandaids and chucks it and then grabs a handful of tongue supressers and scatters them everywhere before I can even say Huh with a blank how does my son do this stare on my face. Looking back at the day (its only 9:41 AM) I"m thinking maybe I need to think harder about my choices when choosing my daily adventures. Woe is me. By the way later tonight I will be uploading pictures of my purple son.
Did you know that you can save a marriage that isn't even in trouble? I didn't either, until I did. Two things happened. The first thing that happened is that someone I know is considering getting a divorce. I noticed that after listening to her not only did I realize how good what I have is I also started thinking of all of the things that could possibly lead us down the path to divorce. On a long drive home Rob and I started talking and I started asking him about things that bothered him and vice versa. We talked about things that we wanted out of the marriage and things that would make us both even happier. It was silly little things like me saying that I wanted a husband who filled up my gas tank and washed my car. He said that he wanted me to push down the stuff in the trash when I piled things up in there. Little things that I'm betting after years could turn into huge problems. The other thing we changed was finding Rob a new job. Rob had a great job. It paid good and it was stable. The only problem is that he had to work nights, weekends and be out of town for a week or so at a time. This was so hard because we have a baby and Rob barely got to see him. However the hardest part was that I am petrified of the dark and being home alone at night was starting to take a toll on my sanity. Rob and I barely saw each other and when we did it seemed like it was just enough to gripe about our days and say goodbye again. One day I realized this had to stop and I found him a new job. It's only been two weeks now but the change is gigantic. We eat dinner together every night, we don’t rush to spend time on the weekends and we don't seem to have nearly as much to argue about. Not to mention with all of his free time this weekend he washed my car and got my oil changed. I've noticed that even though we are around each other much more we actually enjoy being together. Like I said our marriage was no where near in trouble but I feel like these two things saved us from going to a place anytime soon that could take us there. I know I've only been married for two years but I feel like I still have some good words of wisdom to hand out.
The biggest thing of all that I attribute my marriage to is the ability to fight. Most couples never fight or they keep it a secret that they do like they will be considered tainted for having a fight. That is right people I’m admitting here and now that my husband and I fight and argue. We get in fights and stop talking or yell and shout and so on. It's amazing. If you are in the kind of person that keeps everything bottled up inside I feel so bad for you. I can’t imagine not speaking my mind. I can't imagine being angry for so long that I wake up one morning wondering If I’ve been happy all along because I can't remember. On the flip side imagine if you are married to that person. Imagine having your spouse just blow up on you one day and getting unbelievable angry with you. I bet the first thing you would say is that you wished they would have told you the things that were bothering them all along so you could fix them. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to see what you are doing wrong. The easiest way for me to do this is to look at my husband and wonder what if he was treating me the way I'm acting how would I like it. Could you just imagine waking up one day and finding out that your spouse has been unhappy for years and never bothered to tell you? This is why I say that fighting is amazingly important in a relationship. I always giggle when I hear people say they don't fight and I giggle even more when people just pretend like they are perfect.
Something else that I think is important is to have separate lives, interests and hobbies with in your marriage. If you do every single thing together you will get so bored with each other. For instance I love to scrapbook and Rob loves to go shooting. I don't ask him to come with me and neither does he. Everyone needs to have a place they can go and just be with themselves. Even if it is just reading a book in a different room you need a place. How does that saying go, “How can I miss you if you won't go away”. I love this saying. It speaks so much truth. If your husband or wife is always there even if you enjoy their company you will never learn to be alone or have the time to figure out things that may be bothering you.
Another thing that I find important is to really know you. If something is bothering you, you need to know how to recognize that. If you spend eternity thinking that nothing is wrong or ignoring the wrong, you will be in for a major disaster some day. Sometimes you need to take some time out and ask yourself if everything is okay. Find out if there is something bothering you that you are afraid to admit. When you do figure out if something is bothering you then find out how to fix it right away. If it is a person then confront them. If it is your husband let him know. Let him know that it bothers you that he never eats his vegetables. Even if he doesn’t change at least you aren't bottling it up.
The last thing that I think is important is to pay attention to your spouse's responses. If you tell them I don't like when you drink or when you don’t eat your vegetables and he does nothing about it you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Having the courage to tell a person what is bothering you means having the courage to move on when they don't care enough to change. Sometimes you have to consider how important the thing you are asking them to change is for them. If you are asking them to change an important part of their life then you better make sure that you are going to be able to live with someone who is unhappy. Realize that as unhappy as you were living with them the way they were they are now going to be just as unhappy living the way you want. So pick your battles but don't let anything go unsaid. Make things clear from the start but allow that person to make their decision. Never threaten them with actions you are afraid to follow this will only make them feel angry towards you. You don't want them feeling like every time things don't go your way you are going to threaten them. But you also don’t want them feeling like they can keep gong bad because you are full of empty threats.
I hope my advice is helpful. I hope that you can learn from it. I hope you won't be afraid to do the right thing and find out how to be happy.
Remember a marriage doesn't have to be in trouble to be saved. Live each day of your marriage like its your first. Work on your marriage every single day. It is worth working on. Remember to hold hands every day, to give soft kisses for no reason, to kiss goodnight every night, to know that it's okay to go to bed mad. Remember to look into each others eyes, to make each other laugh and to touch each other for no reason. Remember loving someone isn't just a word it’s a whole state of mind, its actions and embraces, words and thoughts. Remember you love someone with your whole entire being.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 8:10 PM
I got this emailed to me the other day and it made me get all boohoo so I'll share
BEFORE I WAS A MOM
I made and ate hot meals
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.
Before I was a Mom-
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.I brushed my hair and teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom-
I cleaned my house each day.I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
Before I was a Mom-
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom-
I had never been: puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on or peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom-
I never held down a screaming child so that the doctors could to tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours, at night, watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom-
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom-
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could be to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom-
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night, every 10 minutes
To make sure all was okay.
I never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 7:52 AM
Sorry folks it’s going to be another long one. If you are human (chances are if you are reading this you are, however if I have aliens reading this then awesome) then more then likely you have had friends in your life who have come and gone. Gone though not due to death but for other reasons. Distance, fights, different viewpoints or just losing touch. I have been victim to all of these and even more. Sometimes though for whatever reasons those friends re enter your life. You are faced with a tough decision. Do I let them back in or not? A lot of times the answer is easy. Of course you do. Maybe you missed them or you never meant to lose touch to start. Other times though you ask yourself. Am I willing to let this person back in and possibly be hurt again? I am notorious for this. I'm the queen of giving second, third, fourth, and ninetieth chances. I had one friend who spent the duration of our friendship walking on me, abusing my trust and generosity, and destroying all other friendships I had. I won't name names, if you know me you know who she is if you don't you can write me privately and I will tell you. So about the time my son was born I realized I finally had someone else to look out for and I cut this girl out of my life. Recently a few friends have located me on Myspace and inquired about rekindling old friendships. Being Shannon I said OKAY. Everyone deserves another chance right? Well in one case I was majorly wrong. For the first time today I actually removed someone from my friend list. That’s right, I went in to edit, I clicked the little button next to their smiling picture and I pressed DELETE. Whoa I felt like such a big girl. Had I just done that? Had I stopped something before it got worse? No way man this can't be me. You might be asking what it is this person did. (again I will let this person also remain nameless but I bet it isn't hard to guess who she is either) I will try and make this short and sweet. Years ago and I mean years ago I met this guy who was visiting Reno. For years after we became pen pals and IM buddies. We would AOL jokes and thoughts and have endless conversations about nothing. Finally after a long time I got my license and I was free to drive to California and see my buddy. Keep in mind this was strictly platonic. Nothing going on just two old friends catching up. I took along deleted friend with me and we had a good first day of the trip. He took us shopping and around the town and showed us his college and so on. Then WHAMMO she sleeps with him. That’s right folks, deleted friend slept with a guy she barely knew who was my good friend. OUCH that hurt needed a band-aid for that one. Anywho it didn't end there. She went on to secretly go back and visit him and keep up this little umm what’s the word, I would use Tryst but that is a meeting between lovers and these two were far from lovers. You get my point. Later she tells me while sitting on the step from her house to her garage that she had become pregnant with his baby. WHAT! WHAT! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! We are in high school and you are pulling this shit. But wait it gets better. She then goes on to say that she got in the shower drank a bottle of vodka and conveniently miscarried right there in the shower. WOW how lucky to be right in the shower. When I reminded her of this story recently when she had the balls to bring this guy up to me she must have forgotten my razor sharp memory and suddenly claimed this happened freshman year of college and she drank before she knew she was pregnant and how depressing that could have been her only chance for a baby. Sorry dear. It happened in high school. You see I know this because I quit speaking to her after that and I know I never would have been at her house in college. Back to the point. She had the nerve to look up my friend who I still talk to on Myspace, who is married with a lovely child and write to him "can you believe we would have a 7 year old right now" ARE YOU SERIOUS. Is this girl for real? Immediately my friend writes and asks if it’s true. I informed him that I have never believed her and it was up to him to decide for himself. The next thing I know I receive a letter from his wife. Who by the way is a lovely girl and didn't deserve this shit. She tells me thank you for respecting her family and keeping my chats with her husband friendly but what was up with my friend. BACK UP THERE SISTER. That girl is not my friend. I allowed her on Myspace to see if she was worth giving another chance and to see if she had grown at all. Ginger was right as usual the girl hadn't. Now my friend and his lovely wife are in an uproar of this whole situation. I have the wife calling me to find out what really happened (nothing they fucked twice or something) and the poor girl is in shambles because my deleted ex friend can't keep her mouth shut. What provokes a person to bring up something like that so many years later to a man who is married with a kid? She then followed up to the wife with a letter telling her to accept that her husband has a past with out her in it. HELLO wifes aren't stupid we all know that everyone has a past but that doesn't mean we need it thrown in our faces. I'm faced with a predicament now. Do I write deleted friend and explain how terrible I think her behavior was or do I just let it go and hope that my friend and his wife can get past the trauma this girl has cause. The saddest part is how sweet his wife is. She talked to me and said she knew who I was and she was totally fine with her husband and I chatting. The key is when I wrote him I respected the fact the he and I are both married with kids. Maybe if deleted friend could ever settle down in a real relationship she could learn to respect other peoples bonds and relationships. When I write my old friend we talk about our kids, the Giants, the Giants losing, we laughed about the TV show friends and so on. I didn't write him and say hey remember the time we almost had a kid that I never told you about till now.
So the story goes. I let someone back in and I get clobbered. This time it’s going to need more then a Band-Aid to fix this one. Then another day I sign on Myspace and I see NEW FRIEND REQUESTS. I open it up and there staring at me is the last person I ever expected to request me. I left it sitting there for a long time. I would open it up once in a while, look at it and wonder do I check ACCEPT or DENY. Not sure what to do I left it sit for a while longer. Finally one day I message her and I ask why on earth would you try and add me. Turns out that like me she had graduated high school and left high school behind instead of dragging it on with her every where she went like above un named friends. So I did it I checked ACCEPT. We now have friendly conversations. I even confided in her about above jerk off who has been deleted and she responded with very adult and very helpful advice. I'm still extremely apprehensive as this person unknowingly caused me lots of pain in the past. However on my quest for self-improvement and growing I am trying to forget the past and continue exploring a friendship with her.
Now with these two very different experiences I'm left wondering.... Do I continue with second chances or should I shut down again? How do you stop yourself from being victim of something you should have known better in the first place?
To my friends wife. I hope you and he can move on and realize what an amazing thing you have together. I hope you live happily ever after and you and I can continue to explore our new friendship.
To the person who was delete. How could you? How could you do something so childish and disrespectful? I hope someday you find yourself in a place where you are happy enough in your own life you don’t' need to try and destroy others. I hope that you realize that relationships are sacred and they can't be broken because you want them to be. I hope you learn that some things are better kept to yourself.
To friend I accepted with apprehension. I hope that we can continue to leave the past in the past. I hope that we can move ahead and possibly become friends. I hope that you can resolve the issues you have with your own friends right now and be strong enough to know when to push delete. Remember no one should ever be walked on, taken advantage of or used as a personal punching bag because they can't handle their own emotions.
To Emery. Thank you again for giving me the strength to not write deleted person and cuss them out and act like an ass. Thank you for giving me the strength even though you don't even know you are doing it.
To Ginger. Thank you for trying to advise me not to be friends with this dumbass again. Maybe some day I'll be smart enough to heed your advice.
I am sure I will receive a major backlash from deleted person for discussing this in my blog and openly saying I don’t believe that she had a miscarriage. If she did I am deeply sorry for her but there is a time and a place for everything and her time was up years ago on that issue.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 11:37 AM
So, If you know me at all you know I love sweets. I have a major love affair with chocolate. I would probably cut of my arm if it would get me chcoolate, hell I would even eat my right arm if it was made of chocolate. I digress. This year I discovered that I have an intolerance to wheat. It was devistating. Next to chocolate bread is my other favorite food closely followed by pasta. On top of this I've been trying to lose weight so I haven't been eating as many sweats as I used to. Don't get me wrong I still make sure I have some chocolate every day but it is still less. Again back to the point. I have been a little fussy over the whole no wheat thing. In fact I've recently been cheating and having some bread here and there and just dealing with the pain. However my husband didn't really udnerstand how hard it was to make a change like that for life. So I made him a deal. I will give up sweets for a month if you give up alcohol for a month. HA YA RIGHT :lol: I often wonder if there is any blood in the beer that runs through my husbands veins. His response was ya I can do it no problem. "Just not this month because my friends are coming to town, and not next month because it is the rib cook off and not the month after that because its my reunion and then after Christmas and New Years maybe then I would do it." Okay so that wasn't a real Yes I will do it. Yesterday was his highschool reunion. We had to go to California for it. Today we had to drive home and we always have long talks on the way home. Our converstaion turned to marriage and things like that and how I felt like I was having a midlife crisis. I guess I am just pretty unhappy with some aspects of my life. Nothing to do with him or my son more like things to do with work and such. Anyway we were talking about us and my weight and I said you know I need to give up sweets. And then I asked, "Babe, can we do the deal now, no alcohol or sweets for a month?" He said yes...What, wait, shit now what do I do. I expected him to say something about my birthday or Halloween or maybe that he for sure had to drink on Nevada day because being from California he needed to show Nevada that he liked our state to. But no he has to go and agree with me. So now is the end of the world. We made the deal. no sweets or alcohol for a month. There is no prize or punishment, the reward is that we know we did a good job. Anywho if my blogs get a little nasty for the next month know that I am pheening for chocoloate. Thank god I still get caffiene or I might form super human powers and start flipping over furniture and mushing things for not getting my way. Wish me luck internet family.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 9:10 PM
5 Years ago my husbands friends came in from California. We all went to a club and he told me that night that his friends had said I had a Phat ass. Later I found out that another one of his friends thought I was pretty cute also. I was so impressed. It felt good that I was looked at even though I was with him. So the years pass and I guess I got lazy and the next thing I new I no longer heard that I looked good anymore. I know its my fault I put on weight but at the same time I feel like I married a person who didn't mind watching me be lazy. I always imagined I would get married and we would go hiking together or on long walks at night. I also thought I would marry someone who liked to eat healthy. But I didn't and I guess its my own problem that I adopted his habits. So I joined a gym. I am trying hard to do good at going but its hard. I haven't worked out in five years so its a little bit difficult to get back in the swing of things. I want to do it though. What brought this all on. Well Rob is having his five year reunion this weekend. All the sudden I franticly started looking for something to wear. Everything I tried on tried on got a simple thats ok or it looks fine. I am craving a Whoah that looks great or a Can I tear your clothes of and throw you on the bed. I hope I can hurry up and lose the weight and be dilligant at going to the gym. Wish me luck. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself because of how I look. I know I am still pretty and I have a great smile but I want my Phat ass back.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 7:42 PM
So....my son has learned a few words. When I say a few I mean about 5. His first word was maama which turns to mommy when he is really sad. Next came uh oh buguio (uh oh spagettios.) What was hard with that on is that he quickly learned when he dropped something he should say uh oh. We all praised him for learning the word. That is until he began dropping everything over and over just to say uh oh...woosh there go the cheerios UH BUGUGIO...cup UH OH BUGUGIO.....spoon and so on. This was then followed by ITTY which means kitty. However his newest one is the worst of all. Recently he had a poopy diaper and he was pretty upset that I wouldn't let him sit in it all day. So in an effort to calm him I started pretending to plug my nose and say EWWW. He thought this was hilarious. So started the game. I would change him and say Ewww about 50 times and he would just giggle on. Then he started repeating it. I was so impressed with him that I laughed along. Heres the problem. He now thinks that when you say eww its funny to continue what he was doing. So today we are in the bathroom and he picks up his booger sucker, sticks it in his mouth and starts sucking on it. I shriek EWWWWWW with a serious look on my face. He breaks out in a fit of giggles starts repeating EWWWWW and since he thinks he is so cute he continues sucking the boogers out. After I swallowed the vomit back down and managed to get the booger sucker away I realized I'm in for trouble now. I guess I'll have to start saying yucky and try and get him to see that yucky means bad.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 1:42 PM
I've recently started working out at the gym. When I say recently I mean this is my 4th time to go. Let me clarify this. This is the 4th time this month but the first time in 5 freaking years. Whoah dude. Anyway what prompted my lovely title up there was the fact that I just got home from the gym. I stopped first at Starbucks and got a Venti Sugar Free Vanilla Latte (that is far less words then it used to be) Anyway I feel so relaxed. Normally I am a big cusser. Oddly enough the longest I've gone with out cussing was during my pregnancy. In fact I started a cuss jar and made a lot of money off the people I work with. Interestingly enough ass soon as the baby came out it was like I couldn't get the "F" word out fast enough. That is the worst part also. I don't just like to cuss I LOVE the "F" word. I use it when I"m mad, sad, happy, giggly, hungry, tired, bored, and just sitting around. I guess you could say that all other words are just fillers for the space between my next "F" bomb. For futhe longest time I thought for sure it would be my sons first word. It wasn't it was maaama followed closely by uh oh buguio (translated uh oh spagettios.) Anyway I got home from the gym and I feel so good and so relaxed. I don't even feel like throwing out a calm "F" word or anything. So I ponder. If I keep up this gym stuff is it possible I may become more relaxed and less of a potty mouth and even less of potty fingers (thats right I love to type my cuss words too.) I think the truest test will be when I go to work tomorrow. That is when I really get going. Boy do people have a knack for making me furios at work. I've tried to start saying Farking. As in "It's farking hot out here." Only problem. I get laughed at a lot. Anyway this was a pointless blog. I guess for the most part I just came home feeling very clean and peaceful and thought I would share. I think I might shower now and then I think I might write some more. I'm thinking of my next confessional but I don't want to give you too much to fast or you might start trying to figure out how to commit someone you only know through their blog. Luckily I'm feeling relaxed and peaceful right now so the anger isn't there to write about. We'll see what happens tonight though thats when I get the most cranky. Alirght well off to shower you all have a great farkin day now. Ha ha sorry.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 2:57 PM