Why I want to pelt my Rite Aid pharmacist with oranges

Brandon has a sinus infection. Actually Brandon has had a sinus infection for over two weeks now but everyone thought I was crazy. The biggest sign I guess was that he has had the worst stink mouth ever. I actually called his doctor last week and asked the nurse about this and she informed me that it was probably because he had something stuck up his nose. The following are her instructions!
Put saline drops up his nose. Wait a second then plug one side of his nose and blow hard in his mouth till air comes out the other side of his nose. Repeat on other side and see if anything pops out.
So I do this. First of all can any of you moms imagine actually trying to do this to your child with out getting, punched, kicked and bitten in that order? The stink went away for a couple days and came back. So after two and a half weeks of whining, crying , super annoying baby I decide we are going to visit the doctor. He takes one look at Brandons nose and throat and says DUH SINUS INFECTION. Then he says...

"THE STINKY MOUTH SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR FIRST SIGN!" WHAT!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me I called your nurse and told her that. At this point he must have wanted me to bomb his whole entire office then rebuild it and bomb it again. Oh wait he then threw in that Brandon has two molars coming in and that might also be a source of some of the fussiness. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, YOU DON'T SAY.

So he finally prescribes us some amoxicillin and says to also give Brandon Motrin and Orajel as needed. Oh guess what he even told me the correct dosage of Motrin so rather then under dosing my son and wondering why on earth THE-FUCKING-MOTRIN-WORKS-FOR-EVERY-KID-BUT-MINE I can finally give it to him and watch it work. The doctor sends me off with a prescription for, fluoride, the amoxicillin and some more epi pens. I joyously run off to Rite Aid to fill the prescriptions and am told she can't read the doctors writing she will call him and call me later. Fine whatever whore. Sorry but at this point I'm a little irritated. Finally stupid Rite Aid lady calls and says I can come pick up all of my goodies. I go and the the pharmacist informs the that its all mixed up and ready to go. WHAT!!!! I don't even get to choose a flavor? NOOOOOOOOO he makes my sons medicing ORANGE flavor. ORANGE people. My son hates orange. Now in order to get my son who usually delights in taking his berry flavor motrin and Mylecon and his peach flavor flouirde refuses to take his medicine. This means I have to use one arm to hold his legs one arm to hold his arms, one hand to hold his head one hand to pry open his mouth and grab the medicine dropper out of my own mouth and try to get it all in before he over powers me and wiggles away. This leaves me and my son covered in milky white medicine and half of it still in the dropper. I end up having to try and pry open even the side of his mouth and squirt it in as fast as I can. The other night I was so desperate I even tried mixing in some strawberry milk powder. No tricking this kid. He took off running and tried to hide from me. A few minutes ago when I tried to give it to him he sat down on his little truck and tried rolling away from me.

Fart fart fart fart.

I'm married. Duh you know that right, of course you do. One thing I didn't know about marriage was the constant little battles over hilarious things I would have every day. This weekend was the battle of the fart. First let me tell you something my husband said to me one day, "The grossest thing a girl could do in front of me is fart." So to this day I have never farted in front of my husband. Thats not true, I did it once on a walk and said excuse me and he said that I should have pretended like it was my shoe squeaking and not admit it. Anyway this being said Mr. Don't Fart in Front of Me farts in front of me about 20 times a day. After a while it gets a little obnoxious. Now I understand he has to do this but I've tried to implement rules. Such as:
No farting in:
The kitchen, dining room, bed or when I'm trapped in the car.
Rob however thinks I am being extremely mean by limiting the places he can suffocate me with gas. I always tell him that one of these days I'm just going to fart right back but I think we both know I'm not brave enough to do this at all. I need to come up with something equally annoying I can do to him. I mean really am I being that big of a brat asking him to not fart at the dining room table. Or like yesterday. We are driving and he farts not once not twice but four times while I'm trapped in the car. To make things worse its too cold outside so I can't roll down the window. So what does he do? He pulls out a can of aerosol spray and fumigates the entire inside of the car so now I'm choking on vanilla and fart smell.

So to all of my married friends, aside from know I soooo shouldn't have posted a blog about my husbands flatulence what is a girl to do? Do I just suck it up and let out a big one in front of him? And if I do what if it smells and the rest of our lives every time he looks at me he remembers that time I farted? I really can't come up with anything else to do besides implement some sort of punishment for farting in off limit areas. What kind of punishment can I even implement? No chicken for a week if you fart in my kitchen? Hmmm that might just work.

Why Can't husbands realize that sometimes moms are very bored? ? ?

As you know from reading this blog I watch the movie Incredibles A LOT. Well once you have seen something about 48 times you begin looking for hidden messages in the movie. So I start concentrating really hard on Syndromes hair and all the sudden I figure it all out. I'm so happy and I wait for Rob to get home.

Shannon: Babe guess what I figured out

Rob: Huh

Shannon: That Syndromes hair sticks up all funny from static electricity because he is all into electricity

Rob: No its probably just a cool hairstyle

Shannon: (gives super duper evil eyes) why babe, why can't it just be that i'm right, I have spent all day staring at this guy can't I just be right please

Rob: Yes dear I"m sure it is all because of the electricity.

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