3.30.2007

CRAVINGS HAVE BEEN MOVED TO LEVEL 5 PEOPLE

HERE IS MY CURRENT CRAVING LIST IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE

1. AN EGG AND CHEESE ONLY BISCUIT FROM MCDONALDS

1. HASH BROWNS AND CHEESY BITES FROM BURGER KING ONLY

1. AN EGGO WITH BOYSENBERRY SYRUP

1. A CHOCOLATE CAKE DONUT

1. A MAPLE DONUT

1. A BLUE BERRY KRISPY KREME

1. A CHOCOLATE DONUT WITH SPRINKLES...LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF SPRINKLES.


THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS PEOPLE, I HAVE NONE OF THESE THINGS, BUT I DO HAVE TEARS BECAUSE I'M SO UPSET OVER IT ALL!

Craving of the day

This one started last night.

I really really want Eggos, extra crunchy, slathered in butter covered in boysenberry syrup.

The fact that I don't have this is causing me to be sad and irritable.

The game

So Chelle got me involved in the interview game. What happened is, on her page someone asked her 5 questions. Then anyone who wanted to play told her and in return she asked them five questions based on things she thinks they would be interested in. Soooo, here are the answers that Chelle asked me. If you want to play, leave me a comment and I will email you, 5 questions based on stuff I know about you.

Here we go ...


1. What is the most expensive shoes you have ever owned? Well. When I lived with my mom she loved to buy me expensive stuff. However, I don't think I ever went over about $200.00 for shoes. I believe they were cowboy boot things that were meant to be worn all fancy like....Good thing I don't have to admit how much I have spent on purses or jeans.

2. Brittany Spears ... Victim or ...? Ooooh. Touchy. I feel so bad for her. I would say that she has probably always been a little mentally unstable and just managed it well, or as well as one could in the spot light. But I think when she had kids she probably suffered from post partum depression. I think it is so sad that people want to pick on her and bother her. I think if I was raising two kids, and I had a head full of hair extensions I wouldn't think twice about shaving them right out! I guess this goes back to my previous post, all of you who are so busy judging her must be doing so to avoid having to look at yourself under a magnifying glass!

3. What is your favourite brand of baby carrier? I really love the Eddie Bauer. It can be found here. It is the most comfortable thing I have ever worn. I don't think they sell this color anymore at Babies R Us I think it is now brown. It has amazing back support and the front can be folded down so the baby can face forward with out having their face smooshed. Also at the store my phone and wallet fit perfect in the little front pocket.

4. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? I am boring. I would go back to Hawaii. However I would visit different islands. I want to go somewhere that is not like San Francisco (like Honolulu is) but still has a Mcdonalds in case I decide I will starve on their food.

5. What is the one thing you look forward to most when you become a mom for the second time? Well I think the first thing that jumps out at me would be nursing. I loved that. It was the best way to bond. I think especially since the baby has no where to look but right at you. Since I felt bad looking away I would just stare right back. It got to a point where Brandon would stop nursing just long enough to smile at me. Ugggg it was the most heart meltyist moments of my life. I also can't wait for a baby that just sleeps in their car seat so I can pack them into the restaurant and store with out a peep. I can't wait to watch Brandon give little Lou (babies nick name) kiss after kiss after kiss. I can't wait until they are older and they can play with each other. I can't wait for Brandon to teach Lou to cuss....Shit, I just noticed Chelle only asked for one thing I was looking forward to. I'll stick with nursing.

Okay so if you want to play let me know!

3.29.2007

Sharilee

HI WHO ARE YOU? I TRIED TO CLICK THE LINK TO YOUR BLOG AND IT SAYS YOU ARE PRIVATE. ANYWAY YOU GAVE ME GREAT ADVICE AND YOU WERE VERY ENCOURAGING. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I FINALLY DRAGGED MY SORRY ASS INTO THE SHOWER JUST NOW. I SMELL JUST LIKE BABY WASH!!!!

IF YOU NEED TO INVITE READERS BY EMAIL, MINE IS wilddreemer@yahoo.com

Thanks again for the great words!

In response to the bug in cereal uproar

Here ya'll go....

From the FDA
Defect Action Levels:
WHEAT FLOUR - Average of 75 or more insect fragments per 50 grams. Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 50 grams
CORNMEAL - Average of 1 or more whole insects (or equivalent) per 50 grams. Average of 25 or more insect fragments per 25 grams. Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 25 grams, or average of 1 or more rodent excreta fragment per 50 grams.

Maybe this means cocoa crispies are safe since they are made of rice. I'm not risking it.

Oddities

So, I was speaking with a new friend. Somehow we got on the subject of how she won't eat anything creamy. In fact it is a phobia causing her to cry and even vomit. I double checked this with a mutual friend and yes in fact it is true. This girl lives her life with out the following foods

Cream cheese
Cream sauces
Gravy
Whipped cream
Mayo
Creamy soups
Ranch dressing
Guacamoli
and so on

We got to chatting and I started thinking about a few of my quirks.

1. I hate the smell of eggs. I used to love eggs, all runny and gooey with my toast dipped in em. Then one day I opened the dishwasher and smelled egg and nearly barfed then and there. Here comes the quirk. Now, I smell every dish before I use it. I do not generally drink out of cups from restaurants because they all smell like egg, if I'm dead thirsty I will drink something not water and only out of a straw. IF I pull a bowl out of the cabinet and smell egg on it, I will then smell all the bowls. If any smell like egg, back in the sink they go. If my food taste eggy I won't eat it. I scrape the top off french toast, I don't eat chilli relanos cuz its in egg. Egg drop soup NO. Egg in my fried rice HELL NO. Now, once a year, I will eat egg salad, hidden in bread and only if the eggs are so over cooked they appear green. AND only after I have scraped out that weird jelly thing in the middle of the yolk.

2. I can't stand kissing after someone has spit. It way grosses me out. I am offended and yell at my husband often for this.

3. I am petrified of the bugs that live in carpet. Terrified. So much so that I will only sit on my carpet maybe once a year and that is Christmas morning. I don't even like new carpet or just washed carpet or carpet still wrapped in plastic. No.

4. I hate the word shut up. It makes me so angry!

5. I do not eat any cereal. Not since I found out it contains bug pieces and bug eggs.

Maybe you can try being honest with the world for once

One of my biggest conflicts with mother hood is the fact that in real life I seem to be the only one struggling with it. Aside from my blogger friends (because really we are all here just to be honest) it seems like all of my real friends find parenting to be a breeze. I have a lot of friends with out kids, and so many of them don't quite seem to understand why I'm always tired, or frazzled, or unshowered, or my socks don't match. Its as though they just think it is ME who can't handle this job. I only have three actual friends with kids. One of them basically makes parenting seem over hard, but since she has been doing it longer, she talks down to me like I am a complete dummy who just doesn't get it. The second one. Oh my. When I told her (way way back when) that I was really really struggling with the idea of having a second child she responded, "I don't find parenting to be hard at all, I can't imagine I would have any problem having two!" I shit you not she said that. She left me the questioning myself for the longest time. I began wondering if I was really the only one who didn't find this all to be so simple.

But finally. I remembered my other friend. Emily. She has a habit for being brutally honest. The good kind of honest, that sometimes you just need to hear. So I finally wrote her and told her how, basically, I am freaking out about having a second child. Her response,

"I'd be lying if I told you it were easy, it's gonna be tough, but it's so worth it"

WHAT!!!!

Some one actually spoke the truth. I was so impressed and touched that she didn't try and sugar coat it. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who think making themselves seem like heros is the best plan of action. I imagine these girls, who sit there telling me how wonderful and simply parenting is, locking themselves in their rooms at night and crying themselves to sleep. It is as though they equate parenting to, I don't know, eating chocolate.

I think parents (as in our parents) are so guilty of this also. I feel like since they haven't parented in so long they forget about the sleepless nights, and the teething, and the temper tantrums.

I also think that so many people are afraid of looking bad so they lie to themselves. I have friends with some pretty rotten kids, and all they do is tell me how awful my son is, and how great their own child is. When my son has a temper tantrum, AS DO ALL CHILDREN, they tell me, that can't imagine raising a child like mine. I have to laugh. It takes all my might to not say, WAIT, DID YOU FORGET, YOUR OWN CHILD WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR OF THE SUPERMARKET KICKING AND SCREAMING LAST WEEK, AND YOU JUDGE ME????" I am flabergasted as they sit there pretending their child isn't a monster like all the other kids out there. That is what kids do. They throw fits, they hit, they bite, they scream, THEY ACT LIKE KIDS.

I am even more appalled that people would still speak so negatively knowing I am pregnant right now. Knowing I'm scared shitless. They have the nerve to see my son do something bad and then reply, "and your going to have two." Thanks for that. Thanks for making me feel better then I did five minutes ago. Or when they lie to me, and tell me how great parenting is, I sit here freaking out because I'm about to have two and I'm the only one who can't handle one. I hate it. Hate hate hate it.

I have found it so amusing as my friends with out kids have started spending more time with me, that they are starting to understand, that I'm not lying when I say, this shit is hard. I put my son on web cam one morning for a friend of mine to see. After about an hour I think I had pretty much scared her off the idea of having kids forever. However, by being honest and admitting to my friends that parenting is hard it accomplishes two things.

1. It makes them finally give me the respect I deserve.

2. I prepares them for parenting, so they don't enter into it jaided in the fact that the rest of the world thinks its easy, so why don't they.

I guess, from now on, if your just going to lie, to make you look better, then keep it to yourself. We all know you are lying. Some of us are just better and nice people rather then to call you out and tell you what a shit ass job you are doing, like you choose to tell me every day.

*A note, to my mommy bloggers. This post was in no way addressed to you. This post was more addressed to a lot of the real people in my life. This also isn't a knock to ALL of my friends at all, just to a lot of the people who lately have felt like they need to point out what a shit ass job I'm doing.

3.28.2007

Uh Oh

Pretty sure I spoke to soon. You want to know a terrible feeling. Sitting on the couch swallowing back the afternoon sickness brewing in your belly. I was so sure this was a girl since I wasn't sick. Now I'm sitting here and I just know I will vomit by the end of the night. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth and said I was doing well. I shouldn't have said I knew it was a girl. It must be a boy since I'm sick. Phooey on morning sickness!

3.27.2007

Things to do with your grandmas yarn

My grandma use to knit....or crochet, or, which ever one uses that little hook thingy and not the chopsticks...Okay looked it up, she would crochet. Anyway, grams could crochet you ANYTHING.. She made me baby clothes, she even made my baby dolls clothes and once she made me a doll that was crochet and stuffed with cotton balls and dressed in clothes that grams had cut out of her old clothes. She could also make those doily things really well. When I was small I could actually crochet scarves and stuff. Since then, after grams died I tried again and came out with a long string that looked like a dog got a hold of it. Back to the point. At grams house there was always yarn laying around, and two kids who just HAD to play with it. My little cousin Russ and I. So with out further ado I bring you...

THINGS TO DO WITH GRAMS YARN:

1. Wrestling ring- Tie yarn to 4 corners. This becomes wrestling ring. Throw small cousin into ring and proceed to kick his ass totally like the Hulk and Macho Man Randy Savage....he was always dorky Bam Bam Bigelo, whatever.
2. Boobie Trap- Since we were small and Home Alone had just come out in the theater we were hell bent on saving grandmas house like Makali. So we would take the yarn and tie it to the TV, then over to the chair, then to the table, then back to the TV, then to the candy dish, then to the stairs, the kitchen table, the couch and so on. Thus making it impossible for ANYONE to get through the house with out breaking a hip.
3. Fish- We would go to the top of her stairs and tie yarn to the banister, then one of us would go downstairs and pretend to be a fish and tie stuff to the others pole so they could reel in the big one....NO WE WERE NOT NERDY YOUR A NERD SO SHUT UP.
4. Tie down your cousin when he is bad- This one is self explanatory.

Things I have eaten so far today

1- Yoplait lowfat cherry yogurt

28- Almonds (1 serving)

2- pickle wedges covered in mustard


Hmmmm, sounded almost normal till that third one huh....Yes, today I am craving mustard.....My pickles need more mustard gotta go!

3.26.2007

Things my husband does to make me swoon Version 43


I walked out to my car this morning and find this....
This was inside


Swoon swoon

Random odd ball thought of the day

I packed my Cheeto's today in a zip lock bag. For some reason I put them in the fridge with the rest of my lunch. Now my Cheeto's taste like plastic zip lock baggie. This has happened before by putting zip locks in the fridge. Do you think it is simply from refrigerating the baggie? Or is it because I put chips in it? Should I write Zip Lock or are they called Glad? Hmmmmmm?

I don't like when my chips taste like zip lock baggie.

3.25.2007

Probably one of the greatest things Brandon has ever done

I am laughing at this just thinking about this. I am very sorry for the graphics that follow but I couldn't resist. Brandon was covered in cream cheese and I didn't have the patience to clean him up. Finally Rob goes to take a shower and I decide Brandon will take one with him. I take off his clothes and his diaper like always so he can catch a breeze for a bit before showering. He is running around in the bathroom and then he goes in the closet. He comes out and points to the closet and says Poo Poo. He points and points and points so I finally decide to go see what he sees. I open the closet and........

POO POO. He followed me in pointed right at it and said poo poo and then looked at me like what happened. You'll notice, he had to pee too, on dads slippers. After that he got in the shower and proceeded to pee right on Rob. It was great!!!!

Our Sunday

Here is a look into our day.
First of all, Brandon dumped his Cheeto's out the first time at 5:30AM. The second and third times followed sometime between then and about 2:00. I was to stupefied to take a picture. He was put in time out twice, and twice he climbed out. Then we had big time wrestling, and mom lost, I have proof, Jen saw it on the web cam, she watched as Brandon jumped on me again and again and again, and all I could do was laugh, I was informed this could count as my 10 minutes of cardio for the day. Then, he found some crackers....


He was then put in time out again...He was not happy....

Finally mommy lost her mind and said lets go on a bike ride to the park. Brandon played on the slides and the swings and then he found a stick....

Then he wacked Gingers dog Sierra in the head with the stick.....That was bad....

Then he investigated the green stuff on the cement....

Then we went back to the swings....

And he went high, very very high and laughed and laughed and laughed......

Then we put on his helmet and peddled back home.....Brandon looked at mom like, "UGGG MOM, I LOOK DORKY IN MY HELMET IN FRONT OF THE BIG KIDS."

Then we came home, and Brandon chowed down on bagel and cream cheese for dinner. I mean CHOWED DOWN. You can still see all of his ribs but its progressively getting better. All in all it was a fun day.

Poor Poor Stephanie, I tried to warn her but she wouldn't listen

Like I told ya'll this week, Steph and I had plans to hang out this weekend. I made it perfectly clear to her that I AM EXTREMELY HORMONAL! If I could find the email I would give you her exact response, but it went something like this, "I'm not afraid of you, I can take anything you dish out!" HAAAAAAAA I think I wore her down yesterday. I was in rare form. I was throwing out quips left and right, causing me to burst out laughing at Stephs expense, O, I dunno every five minutes. I think by the end she was mildly fed up with me. I know this because of how many time she said, "I think if you call anytime soon I'm already busy!" Not to mention the fact the she looked like she wanted to crawl in a hole and cry when I would persist at making fun of her, like about how she wouldn't buy shoes. She got so mad at me, and I just giggled because I knew if I said that she would buy shoes and then I wouldn't be the only one. Plan worked perfect. I got her really good about not running the other day too, I told her she was a lazy alcoholic and my husband even ran after a hard day of laboring. She nearly hung up on me.

So, use this as a warning, if you come over or call, or write, I'm quite the huge shit head right now, so beware!

Oh Stephanie, I still love you though, I hope I didn't drive you to drink yesterday!

3.23.2007

Pregnancy neurosis week 51

I am sooo exhausted already. It was only 19 months ago that I was pregnant, wait thats when I had Brandon so lets see 19 + 9=...let me get the calculator, Okay so 28 months ago that I was pregnant. You would think I would remember this stuff. I sure don't. I don't remember being this tired so quick.

hunger
lose nose
memory loss
drool
exhaustion
moody

See that there, above. That is called a reminder list because as I was typing this I already forgot what I wanted to write and had to make myself a freaking reminder list. I left it there for all to see. So. About the hunger thing. I have already started waking up at 3AM starving. This used to be fine. I would smear some peanut butter on some bread have some milk and call it a night. NOW. Oh, now. Brandon is allergic to peanut butter which means I'm terrified to eat it. I'm allergic to bread which means I don't eat it. This means, I now have nothing to eat when I wake up starving. So this morning I woke up and got stuck with a glass of milk which did nothing for me. I suppose I could try to eat some string cheese possibly. The thing is it has to be something, quick, easy, filling, none crunchy, containing no, wheat, peanuts, gluten or soy. Lovely huh?

Hang on have to refer to my list because I've forgotten again....go ahead talk to yourself or something while I do that.

Right. The loss of my nose. So I'm in bed las night and I'm like I think my nose is stuffy. So I grabbed a tissue and went to wipe. Only problem is I couldn't remember what side of my face it was on. So I did the most logical thing. I wiped the right side, then I wiped the left side then I wanted to cry because I couldn't find it. So I laid there sniffling for a second, then thought wait the sniffles are coming from my nose, and thank gosh....I FOUND MY NOSE. For the rest of the night I kept reaching up and touching it to make sure it was still there.

On to memory loss (yes I already had to scroll up because I forgot again). Besides the little things I have been forgetting, like bringing breakfast to work, or things on my grocery list I made a very major Faux Paux this week. For the first time ever EVER! and in EVER!!!!!!! I double booked. Sunday driving home, I scheduled to hang out with Stephanie at 11:00. I scheduled to go to Target and get my nieces birthday present. Then, on about Wednesday I wrote Ging and asked if she wanted to get lunch, go grocery shopping and go to buy my nieces birthday present. I scheduled to meet Ging at 11:00 on Saturday. Today while emailing Steph she asked what we were doing Saturday. I said I was meeting Ginger at 11:00 but we could hang after that. Her response....

Well I thought we were meeting up at 11.

O shit!!! I felt like a big jerk ass. Not to mention since I'm so emotional, I visualized Stephanie heart broken like a sad little puppy when she wrote that back to me. I had to admit my dumb ass pregnant brains / toddler brains had actually forgotten. I HAD BECOME THAT FRIEND. I'm the friend who forgets their friends. SOB SOB CRY SNORT SNIFF SOB!!!!!

As mentioned in previous blogs THE DROOL IS BACK PEOPLE. So bad that I wake up on a soaking pillow and a face so wet you may as well dumped a cup of water on me. This leaves me scrounging around for a tissue or something to wipe it. Then I have to flip my pillow because it is so wet. Then it happens again and I don't know what to do because if I flip it, there is already older cold drool on the other side. Soooo, I just sit and pout till, well, not till I usually just pout until I pass out or get out of bed. YOU WOULD THINK, I mean really, you would think I would be smart enough to place some towels near my bed or something... No, not this girl. I would rather just pout and whine and cry and sob about it.

Exhaustion. Uggg. At approximately 3PM I become useless. I become so tired that all I do is get a headache and pout. Thus comes the moodyness. Last night I was supposed to bathe Brandon while Rob did dishes. I started to get tired. I was so tired, no FAMISHED. So I get Brandon undressed and let him run around the house. My thinking is Rob will see naked child, wife on couch and think, maybe he should bathe Brandon. Nope. Instead he says "Why isn't he in the bath yet?" I am now furious. I explain about how tired I am and ponder why he can't do it. I now begin the biggest case of pouting you ever saw. So he agrees to bathe the child and do the dishes. NOW I'm FURIOUS! I'm upset because he has made me feel bad and like a lazy good for nothing who is only barely pregnant and already being all "poor me i'm so whiney and whahhwahhhwahh blubber blubber blubber!" So, I pick my ass up off the couch and shuffle to the bathroom and say I'll do the dishes. He says no. So I start doing them and he says NO! I sit on the couch now, pouting because I got told no. He then brings Brandon out in his bathrobe. Now I'm pissed he didn't lotion him and dress him. So I huff and puff and go do that. Then I get all huffy at trying to put Brandon to bed. So Rob stops doing the dishes, puts him to bed and tucks me in. Now I'm in bed, and I'm pouting because I am alone in bed. I won't even bore you with the 43 mood swings I had in the middle of the night while the rest of the house was sleeping. Lets just say there were many crisis's involving, tissue, ears, milk, child with knees in back, child with knees in head, leaking sippy cup, milk, tissue, milk, lack of towel, dreams, milk, leaking sippy cup, small child forcing me to not sleep on left side and soooo on. Did I mention the LEAKING FUCKING SIPPY CUP IN MY FUCKING BED!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Well. Thats all I've got for you today. I must pee now. That makes 43 times today. 8983 times this week and 4 times this hour!

The scar

You know, I often look at all of my scars, I poke em, and squish em, and just generally check to see if they are still there. However I never pay much attention to my C-section scar, because my doctor is so amazing it was barely visible weeks after the surgery. I looked at it today. It is gone. Not gone gone, I mean, since I knew it was there I can see a very faint half inch of it left. However, if I were to pull down my pants and try and prove to you I had a C-section, you would laugh in my face, as there really is no scar there to the visible eye. I am sadder then I thought I would be. My mom, and my friends all still have their scars. I have nothing. I mean if I push really hard, I can tell something is different there, but I can't just look down and enjoy that memory. Now I'm about to have another baby, probably another scar and I can't help but think, this scar is just going to cover up Brandon's. That makes me feel all symbolic, as if this new baby is going to somehow overshadow my son. I hope I am strong enough not to do that. I hope this new scar vanishes also and I can say I just have great skin or something. That would be much easier then feeling like I lost a piece of my son for a new replacement baby. Moms of two kids, how do you do it? How do you love them both the same. How do you keep the older one from getting jealous? Do you make sure to spend alone time with them both, so the older one knows you haven't forgotten? And how on earth, is it possible to have two kids and still remember your husband?

3.21.2007

DUMBASS MOMENT OF THE DAY

SO I'M TYPING UP A MAINTENANCE AGREEMENT FOR THESE PEOPLE AND I HAVE TO PUT THE BELT SIZE. THE BELT SIZE IS A-55 I TYPED A-FF! GOOD JOB DUMBSHIT.


ALSO, I'VE GONE PEE 7 TIMES TODAY AND I'M HEADED TO PEE AGAIN...WAIT, THAT IS 7 TIMES JUST SINCE I GOT TO WORK!

My first craving and I didn't even know

When I was pregnant with Brandon in the very very beginning, before I actually even had a thought I was pregnant I had a craving. GREEN OLIVES. It was so odd, mostly because up until the point where I went to the store and bought a little jar of green olives, I had NEVER even tasted one. Really. How do you crave something you have never tasted? All I knew was that one day I woke up and realized if I didn't have a green olive I was probably going to go crazy and have to be committed with the only possible form of sedative being the green olive I didn't even know I liked yet. Since I had so much trouble trying to conceive I never for a moment thought I might be pregnant. I just thought maybe my body was changing and wanted this new food. When I finally found out I was pregnant it all made sense. The craving didn't last long as the morning, scratch that, all day sickness set in soon and unless you were a bagel, specifically from a bagel shop and ONLY with bagel shop cream cheese, I wanted nothing to do with you.

Well about 3 weeks ago I was riding around with my cousin and we were laughing about that. She thought it was hilarious I would crave something I had never tasted. I told her I had been recently having this very major craving. I was craving pickles. I hate pickles. I ate a whole jar of pickle halves in a matter of a week. We were laughing at how funny it would be if I turned out pregnant again. Although, in the back on my mind I didn't think it was possible to be pregnant after only a month of trying. It just hit me today, when my mom brought a fresh jar of pickle spears to work, and my eyes lit up so big and bright, hey, this was my first craving. But gosh I hate pickles....mmm pickles...I think I will go have one now!

Finding out I'm going to be a mom Again

Rob and I secretly made the decision pretty recently that we were going to try to start having a second baby. It has only been about two months and I kept thinking maybe I was. I really had nothing to base it on besides the fact that Rob and I had been having tons of sex. I was also being a teensy bit emotional. Wednesday last week I started getting really big sleepy bugs in my eyes. By friday I woke up with my eyes crusted shut. I've never had an eye infection or anything so I went to the doctor right away because I had no idea what to expect. The doctor gave me some drops and a prescription. When she gave me the prescription she said it would be a good idea to use condoms for a month. I asked her if I should worry since my last period was 4 weeks ago. She said if I wanted I could take a pregnancy test to be sure and then ask my OBGYN if the medicine was okay. I let Rob know and we dropped off the prescriptions at Rite Aid. We went and spent HOURS looking for a dress to wear to the wedding we were attending the next day. We finally made it to Rite aid and I just bought the cheapest test I could find which was an EPT. I guess Rob had forgotten I had to take a test so he went and got on the phone to a friend. I had to pee majorly bad so I ran in and went. I peed and then looked at the stick and thought I should just throw it away since it was a waste of time. Then all the sudden the horizontal line showed up and I knew it was negative. But then, this odd little vertical line kind of seemed to appear. I didn't really believe it so I stared at it some more and then thought, maybe I should get a second opinion. I walked out to Rob in nothing but underwear holding a test in my hand and he looks up from his phone calls and mouths "are you pregnant?" I was like SHRUG I can't tell, you look. He got off the phone right away and looked and said, well your sure not, not pregnant. So he ran and got another test and same results. So they both looked the same. Like I was only sort of pregnant. We did the math and realized I would only be about 3-4 weeks pregnant at the most so it was probably just a very faint positive. I went to the doctor on monday and they confirmed it. I'm so happy because this time I haven't had any morning sickness YET!

Sorry back had to knock on some wood. When I was pregnant with Brandon I got car sick immediately just driving 30 feet down the road. This time I made it all the way to California and back. There are some other huge differences. With Brandon, I craved salt so much I would pour it on chips and then lick it off. This time all I can do is think of sugar. I'm also much more emotional this time, but at the same time I'm more positive about it.

I get to go back to the doctor April 17th for my first official ultrasound and what not. Woooo I'm pretty excited about it all!

3.19.2007

uggg

I'm slowly remembering things from my previous pregnancy....

Like my uncontrollable drooling while I'm sleeping. So bad that I have to put a few tissues or a towel on my pillow to avoid waking up from the wet spot on my bed.

Sigh!!!!!!

PREGNANCY ADDENDUM

My butt head cousin seems to think that I should make some sort of Pregnancy addendum post on here letting you know that my previous post wishing death to all those who asked me to go get ice cream and candy is now Null and Void.

Exceptions: I will still only eat frozen yogurt or low calorie ice cream.

Fine print: I don't actually want chocolate every day, and now that I am pregnant this means that if you bring chocolate you will be responsible for helping me exercise it off in some way, immediately there after.

Rewards: You get no rewards besides the privilege of hanging out with me and my incredible moody pregnant ass.

Cancellation: Failure to provide adequate exercise will cause all niceness benefits to cease immediately and I will go "Pregnant Road Rage Shannon" On your ass.

Exclusions: I am also being money greedy which there for means said ice cream dates can not cost more then 3.00 per trip not more then once a week.

Finance charges: Friends who do show up with out chocolate will be charged a finance charge of one and a half chocolate bars or a home made chocolate treat, which ever value is greater!

Random thought of the second

WHY IN THE FUCK DO I NOT OWN A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN? WITH CHOCOLATE IN IT? FLOWING RIGHT INTO MY MOUTH? HUH? WHY HAS NO ONE GOTTEN ME ONE OF THESE YET, YOU BIG BUNCH OF WHORES? AND WHY O WHY HAS NO ONE BROUGHT ME CHOCOLATE SINCE FINDING OUT I WAS PREGNANT? DO MY FRIENDS HATE ME?

Random thought of the day

Don't you hate it, when you go pee, and you stand up and realize, you still have to pee?


Disclaimer: This random thought may be pregnancy induced.

Two babies

I mentioned briefly on here that I am pregnant. This means another baby. What I didn't mention is that I'm secretly freaking out because my first baby is, well, STILL A BABY. He still has these skinny legs and knobby knees and tiny arms. I am finding it so hard to understand that soon he won't be the baby anymore, instead he will be moved up to big brother. At least he will hold the title of first born.

I am so shocked to even be pregnant. I think I am so shocked I haven't really accepted it all yet and had a chance to get fully excited about it. Rob and I were trying, this was something we wanted, I guess I just never expected my body to make it happen after only two months. I think I was more prepared for for another long drawn out "trying" phase. I guess I expected a bunch more trips to the fertility doctor, and watching everyone else around me get pregnant. I also thought since i had so much time I didn't even need to address the fact that my little boy is still a teeny baby himself.

There are other things on my mind.
Like how am I seriously supposed to get my son out of my bed in time for the new baby? He has a bed, and when he isn't sick (which is every day) he sleeps in there for a few hours.

Also, will one crying baby wake up a sleeping baby?

Will Brandon really beat on his new sibling?

How do I make it a girl?

Will my boobs get big again? They are now little tiny pancakes. More like deflated balloons that are squishy like they are full of pudding and a mixture of cottage cheese and stretch marks.

Is it possible to maintain a healthy lifestyle? I've only known I was pregnant for 4 days and I'm already sad I left the highly processed bright yellow spicy cheese dip at home. Instead opting for the healthy hummus and celery.

How long will I be able to balance on my bicycle?

If pregnancy gives you baby brains and parenting gives you mommy brains then what the fuck is going to be left of my brains?

3.18.2007

Comic Relief

A conversation with Steph

Me: Hey whatch doing
Steph: Going to the mall
Me: Have you checked your email lately?
Steoh: No
Me: go check it
Steph: I will when I get home
Me: Okay whatever, I’m in Cali today….Oh fuck it, I’m just going to tell you I’m pregnant
Steph: WHAT
Me: Yeah
Steph: OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????????????????
Me: Yeah
Steph: (now shouting) OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY (notice I said WE, yes she actually said WE are going to have a baby, I was already giggling so hard I could barely form sentences to her)
Me: Your silly
Steph: THIS IS SO EXCITING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU SERIOUS, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
(at this point Stephs voice is rising and she is saying oh my God so frantically I picture her outside of her car running around in circles not sure which direction to go, in fact, I start to get worried that she might wreck her car as she is driving)
Me: Yeah I just found out
Steph: Oh my God I get to rub your belly, this is going to be so much fun Oh my God wait till we find out the sex can you just imagine how excited I’m going to be that day Oh my god I’m freaking out right now this is so exciting. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD (At this point I think she might actually be hyperventilating or having and asthma attack she is so excited, really she was behaving as though someone just told her she won a bajillion dollars tax free every year for the rest of her life)
Me: You are cracking me up
Steph: Well this is just so exciting. I mean I knew you said you were trying but I thought gosh their only trying this could take a year, this sucks, and now your pregnant and I’m just so excited. (She now sounds like those people in the Dairy Queen flame thrower commercial who are afraid to exhale for fear fire will come out of their mouth….only with Steph I think if she exhaled confetti would come bursting out of her.)
Me: Okay we are at Robs moms work we are going to tell her.

Later I get a message from Steph about how excited she is. I picture her at home probably doing cartwheels and jumping around like that girl in the tampon commercial showing us how flexible she can be in her super tampon. In fact, if I didn’t know better I would think that Stephanie sprouted wings and began to fly at that moment. This has by far been the best response I’ve gotten combined for both pregnancies.

Settling

Settling

A long time ago a friend and I were talking about settling. We were discussing how we had some friends who we felt settled in their relationship. A lot of it we felt was because, for whatever reason, they thought they wouldn’t be able to find anyone else to love if they left who they were with. I pondered on this thought for the longest time. Pleased with myself knowing that I hadn’t settled. I don’t want to come off as a conceited fuck head, but I’ve always known I could easily find another guy, even when I was a Phatso…it’s some kind of charisma about me that kind of makes guys swoon all over me. Back to the point. I thought about this all more and realized that there actually were points in my life that I had settled. I also realized there are so many different ways one can cling to something for fear of what else might be out there.

For me personally for a very long time I had settled into bad friendships. The biggest one was Shanna. I settled mostly because I feared what would happen if I finally told her I didn’t like who she was. I feared the shit stirring among our friends, the gossip, the enemies I would make and so on. I never realized that I would actually make so many amazing friends by ridding myself of her. I know I have settled in the past in smaller relationships but I can’t really think of many other times I have actually conceded and just given in.

I think most of you would argue that I have settled with my job, but, alas, that is untrue. I have a very good thing going on with my job. Lets really look at it. I am salary, I can do anything I want, and take time off at a moments notice. I bring my son to work every day and my office is even half converted into a toddler room. I can be late, or off early and for the most part no one says anything. If I need money I just ask and it is there. I have a full kitchen so I can enjoy great meals. I am often taken to lunch and even breakfast. There is a futon so if I feel like a mid day nap I can do that. Hmmmm so, sounds like I have a pretty good set up there huh?

However. There are some people in my life who I feel have greatly settled. The hardest part of that is biting your tongue and not saying anything to them. There is one person I am brave enough to tell, and this is only because I know she understands I’m only writing about this because I really love her. This is Steph. I have to be honest, I feel like a lot of her current friendships could be re-evaluated. I realize the two people I am mainly discussing are actually her best friends, but I must say from the 35 minutes I spent with them recently I would strongly reconsider their place in my life. Being the sober person in the situation and, a self described VERY OBSERVANT person I was appalled at what I saw. These friends were not warm and inviting to the new people in Stephs life. They grouped together and told secrets. They spoke of Stephanie as if she were their child and not their friend. When they brought up her nose ring, it reminded me of being in high school when friends used to get mad if you copied them. I was astonished the first words these girls spoke to me were negative against Stephs character. These girls continued to be negative the whole night. In fact almost the entire group was terribly negative. It was like sitting at a table with 5 Shanna’s and 3 Shanna guys. I have never felt so unwelcome in my life. I started to think of my friends, and Robs friends and how inviting they are. How they are always hoping for someone else to join the party. How their response would have been “Rob, we love this guy,” and not, “ I can’t believe Steph pierced her nose because you did!” I realized had I been hanging out with Steph and someone else had joined the party, both Steph and I would have been so welcoming and kind. I suddenly realized that Stephanie is like this one amazing person stuck in a group of pretty sorry friends. There have been so many more stories she has told me and each time I think to myself, wow, this girl is stuck in a friendship like I was with Shanna, only this time there is two of them. I don’t write about this to be mean to Steph, I write about it because even though I have only known her a short time I have already grown to love her. My own friends trusted my judgment and accepted her into our group. When we went out the other night, it ended with hugs and laughs, and not snotty looks. I guess when it comes down to it, I keep watching my friend who has this amazing capacity to want to please people, continually get shit on. My only hope is that her friends can straighten up and start to love and support the way a good friend does. Its odd that I already feel so protective over a person I’ve only been friends with a short time. Maybe that’s why we work so well, I’m a nurturer by nature and Steph is defiantly in need of some nurturing. Not to mention she has already been an amazing friend and I can’t wait to see how excited she gets with me during this pregnancy.


I went off track again. Back to the subject of people being stuck. I don’t think in my own close circle of friends I have anyone who has settled for fear of doing better, but I defiantly know a few of these people. I do feel like there are a couple people in my life who stay where they are for the wrong reasons. I hate not being able to scream out I THINK YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE! I thought friends were allowed to do that, but I think I am still so afraid of how people react that for the most part I bite my tongue.

What is the proper etiquette for this? Is the right thing really to just stand around and watch your friends make huge mistakes and be unhappy? I know if my friends really thought I was fucking up I would want them to tell me. Maybe I wouldn’t head their advice but I know by eyes would be a lot more open to my own fate. Maybe we all just need to be open and willing to hear what the people closest to us are saying. Because I know as many times as ginger warned me about Shanna I just laughed it off. Now, if someone were to come to me and talk to me I would like to think I would hear it all so much different, because I’m in a place now where all I really want for me is what is best for me and my family. In the end my friends are now my family and I want to finally be in a place where we can all be happy and be together. I hope that I have done a better job picking friends now so that if I ever feel like I need a girls night or something I can invite all of my friends and know, they will all come, because we are all family.

I hope some of you out there who are reading this and wondering if you have settled, in your friendships or relationships, or job are starting to see that it is possible to break away and start over. I broke out of a locked down friendship and I feel like I’ve done nothing but flourish since then. I encourage all of you to break free of your chains and burdens and finally spread your wings as far as they will stretch. Get rid of the people who rather then fly along with you, have merely trapped you under their own wings. Its okay to let go and stop being their support. Be your own support now. Sail your own ship, fly your own plain and be the writer of your own life now. Now one can help you choose your own adventure, BUT YOU!

3.17.2007

my diet story

I decided to write and tell you how I came to start my diet/life change.

It was January 1st and I was sitting on the couch. Rob was off snowboarding so I grabbed a bag of chips and turned on the TV. Telling myself I would start a diet tomorrow so the chips were okay. I picked up my computer and started reading blogs. I stumbled across a blog called Untangling Knots. It was written by Karla. The first entry I read talked about how her and her husband Mark had lost their baby girl Ava only hours after she was born. Then I clicked the link taking me to You Tube and I was able to watch the video they had made for Ava. I was a wreck. I was bawling and crying and being all emotional. So I did the most logical thing. I read it again and again and watched it time and time and time again. I clicked the link to her new blog and went to the first entry in her archives and read her entire blog roll in a day. I was amazed. Here were these people who had this horribly devastating thing happen to them and they were so amazing through out. They didn’t fall into a pit of despair, or get a divorce or adopt new awful habits. No, these people rose above the hand that was dealt to them and decided they were going to persevere. I read all about how they continued trying to have kids and I read right up until the birth of baby Nate. As I was reading I was thinking to myself how amazing these people were. I was thinking that Karla was going to be a wonderful mother. I couldn’t believe that people like her existed. People who were, well, positive. I was amazed. I started to think to myself how the people in her life must look at her and think of how uplifting, and positive she is. I started to look at myself and I realized I was being so terribly negative in life. I was becoming exactly who I never wanted to be. When my own son grew up he would walk around telling people what a downer his mom was. I thought and thought and thought about this. I thought about these two people who had the worst of luck and still came out smiling and hopeful. I suddenly realized that was who I wanted to be. I wanted to teach my son to be positive. I wanted people to come around me and have a hard time resisting the urge to be happy. I wanted to exude uplifting and encouraging thoughts. I wanted to have ideas and goals and follow them through.

The next day I really did start that diet. Only, this time I started a life change as well. I began to adopt a positive outlook. I began letting go of things I realized I couldn’t change or control. I stopped picking all the little fights I used to with rob. I started looking at my husband in a new light and tried to make it an effort to always smile around him, not a forced smile either, a real one because I realized I had so much to smile about. I started looking at all that I had and taking such appreciation in it. Instead of looking at things I hated about my house, I started paying extra attention to what I loved. I have been so much happier and free. I started riding my bike and its true what they say, exercise does make you more positive. Not to mention its really nice having something that I truly enjoy that I can do all by myself or I can share it if I choose.

There are days when I admit it is so hard to keep dieting, or go work out, or have a smile on my face. But on those days, I pull up the link to the video for Ava. I reread some of Karlas entries and I tell myself to be grateful for what I have been given. Somehow just reading that she made it out okay helps me make it through the day.

I have often heard Oprah talk about her AHA moment. She always has people on her show who talk about theirs. I would always sit there wondering where in the hell my aha moment was. I have even seem episodes on her show were people had kids die or terrible things happen to them and I would think, “is this my aha moment?” but it wasn’t. I had to be ready to embrace my moment.

I started tracking my dieting, exercise and goals on a website and it helped me lose 18 pounds so far. Well, not so far since I’m now pregnant and can’t diet anymore. However I know that this time the reason the diet stuck could in whole be attributed to my attitude change. I finally wandered to the message boards on my diet website and talked a little about what worked for me. I was appalled at all the people who responded negatively and put down all the things I said. They all told me that attitude could not simply be enough. That it wasn’t possible to have just a small amount of a treat and have the will power to stop. They told me I didn’t understand their problems with food. I was shocked at the things I was hearing. Finally after people began emailing me telling me they loved what I had to hear I got upset and went back to the message boards. I told them, that too had been through what they were going through, but that I had my aha moment and realized I didn’t want to be that way anymore. They said that someone couldn’t just change. I was infuriated. I reminded them that I was married to a man who gave up smoking cold turkey. I had an uncle who stopped being an alcoholic in one day because he wanted to. I reminded them, that there are people in the world who are capable of wanting something and letting nothing stand in their way of succeeding. I suggested that maybe they were using their previous addictions and habits as a crutch. As an excuse to not move forward. Maybe for whatever reason they were afraid to succeed in weight loss. Maybe they just weren’t ready to embrace the change. I decided not to visit the message boards anymore. I couldn’t be surrounded by negative people. By people who just wanted to make excuses for who they were. So here I am now. This time around with pregnancy I feel like I’m in a place to make the most informed decisions about my health. I will continue to monitor my calories on my website, however now I will in crease them for the baby. I want to make sure that I don’t undo all I have worked so hard to accomplish.

I can’t wait until my kids are older and I can see myself in them. I used to be afraid that they would reflect me and now I can’t wait. I can’t wait for them to be the happy kids in class. The kids who aren’t mean or bossy and take everything in stride. The kids who get up and brush it off and know that tomorrow is another day. I am actually looking forward to seeing my reflection.

3.16.2007

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 4

So I took my photo of the week and I was all excited for how it would turn out. I was extra excited to show you all I was sporting my Abercrombie jeans. However, the picture came out and I looked fatter then last week. Granted my legs look small but still, my belly won't quit pooching out. I was about to get all mad about it, and then this happened.



Yeah, I just did it like that. I just told you all my news, right here in the middle of phatso photos. You were all expecting to see another picture of the fatty and you got a surprise instead.

Don't you know....I'm berry berry sneaky!!!!

APPARNTLY FREEDOM OF SPEECH DOESN'T MEAN SHIT IN AMERICA..AKA...DEAR SLUTBAG WHO GOT MY FRIEND FIRED I HOPE LIKE HELL YOU READ THIS YOU PIECE OF SHIT

A few months ago I encourage my great friend Stephanie to start a blog. Yes I will use her name because I'm not scared of the assholes who fucked her over. In fact I am writing this with the soul purpose that they read it. After telling her how much blogging has helped me in many ways she finally decided to start one up. It was so cathartic and helpful for her the same as it was for me.

Steph seemed to be having a lot of trouble at work and would post random blogs about this. Somehow these blogs got in the hands of spiteful, rude, vengeful coworkers who felt the need to show her supervisors. Never mind freedom of speech, never mind the fact that she never mentioned names, she was still fired non the less because this person had some kind of grudge to hold.

I first I felt guilty because I had made her start a blog. But then I realized that this was not my fault and it was even less her fault. I am appalled that we live in a country based on freedom of speech yet we can be fired after using that right. I am more appalled that there are grown adults in this world who still find such great satisfaction in running and tattling on someone as they did in pre-school. I am shocked people with such small minds are even allowed to hold jobs at somewhere as big as, oh I don't know THE STATE OF NEVADA.

Yes I will come right out and tell you that she worked there. I won't mention divisions but I tell you the place to give you an idea of what kind of bullshit is going on behind the scenes when there are far more IMPORTANT things a person can busy themselves with. Especially in the division they worked in. I am infuriated knowing that rather then having extremely important issues be dealt with, this ridiculous joke of a person would instead waste her time ruining someones career.

Rather then dealing with the issue this girl had with Stephanie personally she went above her head and tried to get her in trouble. I don't know how she was raised but I come from a family where if someone bothers you, confront them directly. Rather then go behind their back and become a backstabbing motherfucker I walk right up to you and resolve it like A GROWN ASS ADULT!

My first thought when writing this blog was to personally attack the fucker who did this to my good friend. But then I realized I too would be telling it to everyone but her. I, however don't want to be a huge piece of shit like her.

My advice today for anyone who is about to go make themselves look better by bringing someone else down is to stop. Think like an adult. Realize that what you are about to do will not make you look better. Instead it will make those people around you not trust you ever again. You will become the snitch of the office and in the end you will look smaller then when you started.

To YOU! You know who you are, you are the coniving piece of shit who tried to screw my friend, I hope you realize, that rather then bringing her down you have only made her stronger. You have made her appear to be the bigger person in all of this. When she has excelled in life and is places you only dreamed your career would take you, I hope you feel like shit when you look at yourself sitting in the same office at the same desk with no friends, because you are now known as the piece of shit snitch no one will EVER TRUST AGAIN!

Oh yeah FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

3.15.2007

RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE MOMENT

Okay this is really another random thought from yesterday but it came while I was driving so I couldn't post it, but it just popped back into my head

Why is it, that when the car breaks down the first thing guys do is jump out and pop the hood and stare at the engine? It is as if they think they are going to look in there and magically instantly know whats wrong. It is more funny on a new car when the whole thing is run by a computer. Yeah Tommy your gonna be able to tell whats wrong by lifting the hood, whats that, you see the problem, its the turbo booster ultra mega computer chip.....

dumbass

Morning everyone

So, this morning I rode to work with my lil cousin. It was a 1.8 mile ride, which now that I'm a fancy bike rider doesn't seem long at all. In fact I get bored with small little three mile rides. Anyway, my bike ride this morning was a little harder because, I was wearing my new pants. Pants that just happen to be low rise. Low rise jeans + bike ride = disaster/eye candy for passing drivers.

BUT WAIT THERES MORE!!!

The "NEW" Pants I speak of are actually FIVE years old! I brought some of my old pants in from my storage and 2 of them fit so far. Thats not true. A few fit, but not how I want them to fit. See, I used to consider pants that buttoned pants that "fit". Now I like there to be no muffin top, and I like to be able to stick a few fingers in at the waist. So two pairs of pants fit just perfect. Few more pounds and I'll be rockin the Lucky's again. Today I'm rockin some Abercrombie and I feel so high class compared to my Old Navy.

In other major news another goal was nearly accomplished. I went to American Eagle and I bought a pair of pants and some shirts off the rack. I bought the shirts two sizes smaller then normal and the pants 4 sizes smaller then I would have had to order online. This was one of my goals, to go buy clothes at a store that actually fit and weren't super jumbo sized. So, the jeans "fit" and I coulda kept em, but the didn't fit like I like so maybe 5 more pounds till I am free to go blow money any ole place. The shirts however were still to big. Even worse, my boobs have shrunk so much the strapless shirts just sagged right down and I flashed myself in the mirror. Took it all back and we will try again in two weeks!

Go me!

One goal ACHEIVED

Soooo I finally achieved one of my biggest goals. Now, this may not even seem like it should be a goal to most people but to me it is, not to mention I married a Filipino so it makes a huge difference BUT,

THIS MORNING I WEIGHED LESS THEN MY HUSBAND!!!!!

I lost two more pounds! Since I'm telling my weight now that puts me at 162. Which means I'm 2, TWO Deaux pounds away from losing 20 whole pounds!!!!

Ack!

3.14.2007

Okay newest plan

So, my newest plan is to stop going on food dates with friends unless it is somewhere semi healthy. A certain friend of mine and I are very guilty of going on ice cream dates. And even through I'm sure she won't go with me, I'm cutting out ice cream dates and only going on frozen yogurt dates to TCBY or Honeytreat. Sorry, but I gotta start doing something to keep my weight off. Plus I weigh in tomorrow so its time for some weekly resolution making here. Next up, no more fast food or Italian restaurants for dinner. From now on its only places I can get at least one vegetable and a salad and possibly a potato. So friends, help me out here, don't contribute to the delinquence of a fatty.

My very random thought of the day

So, up until this moment, my cousin and Ginger are the only people privileged (they wouldn't agree with my use of that word) to my extremely random daily, or hourly thoughts. So, heres todays first one..

Don't you hate it when you are really really cold and you go pee and you nearly get burned by your own pee because its so hot and your so cold?

Don't judge me!

FIRST TIME

Wow, I've been behind on posting huh? Yeah I have some reasons. Get ready for me to unload a whole shit storm of stuff on you.

So Friday night was a momentous occasion. My husband and I made the very major decision after 19 months to finally let Brandon spend a night away from home. I have been freaking out about it for the two weeks it has been planned. First on to Thursday. Rob and I had a night out and a fun little date. We went to the Harrahs Steak House and Lordy was it good. Let me tell you a few highlights. When you get to your table there are already THREE yes, three large loaves of dutch crunch bread and two sets of flat bread waiting for you at your table. This comes with your own whipped butter shaped like a rose. Next to our table was a wine bucket with water in a glass bottle and every time your server came to your table they had to refill your glass. When we were seated they brought us two crostinis with chicken salad to "WET OUR APPETITE". Our meal was fabulous and between salad and dinner menu we were served home made pineapple orange sorbet..it gets better. They ask if you would like champagne on your sorbet to further cleanse your palate. Then we had our meal and had desert. AFTER DESERT they bring you a gold metal bowl with a lid on it. Inside the bowl is dry ice with citrus water that filled our entire table with a beautiful citrus smelling fog. On top of the little gold bowl were 4 home made truffles surrounded by more chocolates. WHAT! FREE CHOCOLATE! After desert. Yes please. This was followed by our warm towels soaked in lemon water. All in all it was freaking amazing. Oh yeah did I mention, they arranged my vegetable medley in the shape of a flower?

So Friday arrived and our day was pretty good. We went to work then got off and went and visited grandma (or his great grandma) and we even took her some TCBY. This was delicious. After this I went home and got Brandon packed for his first night away. I packed his new little rolling back pack with almost everything he owned, plus groceries and his precious Cheeto's and milks. We took him and dropped him off and my heart nearly sank. After that we ran some kind of errand and then went home to get ready. After getting ready I was sitting on the couch and decided to torture myself by opening my Iphoto and going through every single photo of Brandon from birth. I had started a little file for photos I wanted to post on here, but after I got to a hundred or so I realized that would take an obsessively large amount of time to post. Instead we went in search of energy drinks for me. I decided since I didn't drink that I wouldn't be able to stay awake past 9 if I didn't have help. I was totally overwhelmed and decided on a Starbucks double shot, a Bookoo, something called a 7 hour liquid shot, and a Monster. Oh yeah, I was flying that night. As we are home waiting for Robs friend to show I get a call from Steph. She is at Bulleys and would really love if I came to see her.

Actually the call went more like this:
Me: Hi steph
Steph:SLdifuaosdnglaisdy
Me: Where are you
Steph: You know
Me: Bulleys
Steph: Yes
Me: who are you with
Steph: You know
Me: Nope I dont
Steph: guess
Me: guesses lots of names
Steph: lots of NOoooooooooooooooos followed by sighs.
Steph: Will you please come see me
Me: Okay
Steph: No you wont
Me: yes I will which bulleys are you at
Steph: 1
Me: Where is that
Steph: You know
UGggggggggggggg.

Soooo, since I'm trying out this whole be a good friend thing and acutally do things for my friends thing, I bug Rob till he agrees we can all go to Bulleys and wait for our friends there. I walk in and go behind Steph and touch her and she turns around and seriously it was like she saw God or a chocolate factory. She was soooo happy. I will totally discuss all of this in another blog because it turned into her friends being quite the shit heads and me questioning a lot of things.

Finally we go out. It was all very fun. Rob and I got to dance. Wait. Rob got to dance and I got to step from side to side like a sober white girl who was very aware of all the better dancers around her. The night went well, I only got sat about Brandon once and that may or may not have involved me whining about whether he would ever know how much I love him as if I was drunk and not just high on energy shots. Everyone gets super duper drunk and we end up somewhere eating breakfast. We return home at 4AM and I got all sad that I was going to bed when my little boy was waking up.

Saturday came and we lazied around the house a lot. Finally about 3:00 we decided that we would go to the mall. We made it there and all the sudden I felt sick. We got through 3 stores very quickly and I realized I was going to vomit if we didn't leave. The girls I was with were telling me just to puke in the fountain but I knew better. So we hauled ass home and I barely made it to the bathroom before getting sick. I had food poisoning AGAIN. So my Saturday turned to shit. My parents brought Brandon home around 7 that night and luckily he went right to bed because I was up every half hour getting sick.

Sunday comes around and Brandon starts puking. He is still puking today WEDNESDAY! Now he also has an added cough. So we have had a very very long weekend and needless to say that is why no posts from me. But I'm all full of them. Actually I had a ton of em built up in my head but have forgotten most all of them. I will try and put up some good stuff for ya'll though.

3.13.2007

A possible new addition to this website...no not a baby get your head out of the gutter

So, I know I know, Amalah does her whole advice smackdown thingy about mostly beauty products and what not. However, lately I've had quite a few of my friends asking for advice about stuff. Since I feel like some times I'm repeating the advice I was thinking I could start a new, Relationship advice thing. You know something like, before you blow up at your boyfriend ask me first kinda thing. However, this would mean that your question would get published, anonymously (spell check had to tell me how to spell that) of course. Then other people can leave comments with their advice also. So what do you all think? Let me know if you are interested in doing this....That would mean all you lurkers would need to delurk so I wasn't just taking questions from my 5 whole readers. I was going to include a poll thingy but I'm not smart enough to figure out how to do that so you can all just leave your thoughts about this via comments. K

3.09.2007

My husband and mine dumbass moment, okay mostly mine

So, when I moved out from my parents I didn't really have much. We went and bought a lot right away, couches, tables, tvs and so on. We bought a box set of cheap pans and a george forman grill and a few odds and ends. One thing though that I never got was a rolling pin. I kept saying, this year this year I will get one. Nope never did. I was very clever with things I needed to roll out. I would use cans, or my hands, or pan bottoms or I would just throw it at the wall hard enough it would flatten out. Finally this Christmas Ging and I were gonna make cookies and such and I finally went and bought a fancy rolling pin. It is great, its pink and grey and smooth and non stick and all the fun things a rolling pin should be. I used it once and threw it in a cabinet. WELL! Saturday night I was tearing apart my whole house looking for my little pink nail kit that my son loves to run off with. I was in the kitchen opening drawers and I noticed this little drawer between my fridge and stove. I was flabbergasted. This drawer must have just appeared out of thin air. So I open it and no shit, there was a fancy red rolling pin, some pot holders and other random junk. I was so confused. I had to think really hard and then I realized way back last july in Vegas I had bought that rolling pin which means, I myself must have hid it in the previously non existent drawer. So I hold up my unused rolling pin and show Rob, he asks where I found it and I tell him the drawer by the stove. His response..

THERES A DRAWER BY THE STOVE.

Hmm, wonder what other stuff I may have lost in my own home in places I forgot about!

3.08.2007

Laughing so hard I may need to borrow one of my sons diapers so I don't piss myself.

I'm in here talking to my mom. One of our coworkers just called and said shes packing her cabinets to move and she is totally grossed out by the stuff she is finding in there. Normal right? NO WAIT THIS GETS GOOD PEOPLE. So my mom responds, "Well, you would never see that in my cabinets, because you know I clean mine out every few months!" I'm already starting to giggle because I know what is coming next. Sure enough here it comes.

" You know, my grandma raised me and my mom the right way. Women are supposed to do spring and winter cleaning. You know every few months you should take down all of your curtains and wash them. You should scrub down all of your walls from head to toe. You need to clean out all of your cabinets and your refrigerators every few months. I mean really, you need to dust ever single shelf and wash every picture frame and so on. You know that china needs to be polished yearly and your silver right before Thanksgiving so when people come over you don't serve them on unpolished silver."

No really. She said this. I'm about to piss myself imagining me, and my friends who work full time, running home to wash and iron my curtains. HAAAAAAAA! I'll just shoot em with some Febreeze that will do the trick.

Wash my curtains, now that is a good one. But, this is coming from the lady who thinks dressers, and washing machines and beds and couches should be moved monthly and vacuumed under. COME ON. I'll vacuum that as soon as I know a very tiny person is coming over and they can actually see under my bed.....Don't even get me started on the fact that this woman used to fold my underwear before they were allowed in my drawer. I'm not even going to tell you about how this woman cleans a bathroom. I mean really, cleaning the bathroom involves taking things off the wall, scrubbing towel racks, soaking shower heads...did I mention this is weekly.

This is the same lady who comes in your office every 10 mintues to straighten all the pens and papers on your desk. Just to fuck with her I turn it all a half inch when she leaves. It makes her insane. All of her paperclips face one way, along with everything on her desk. So I would always tell her to leave the mess on my desk alone and I even had a sign, DON'T MESS WITH MY MESS. And every night she would come in and tidy it and say she didn't do it. So one day I cleaned off almost my entire desk. Then I took ONE pen and put it off to the side and I did it sorta crooked, then i put a blank sticky off to the other side, sorta crooked, and I left out two lone paper clips. She actually called me and said "I KNOW YOU ARE FUCKING WITH ME BUT I CAN'T LEAVE IT LIKE THIS"

No wait there is more. Every 3 months she would throw away the ENTIRE contents of her fridge and freezer because they were old and messy. Then, buy all new stuff.

Oh yeah, my mom gets hives when she comes to my house.

ITS A JOKE, YOUR SUPPOSED TO LAUGH

So, I'm at work and someone was talking about how at burning man you can't have quads because they are four wheel drive. So I respond, well, if you have a three wheeler then isn't it only three wheel drive ha ha ha.

Nope, no laugh nothing. I get this in response
"NO don't you get it, no ATV's at all"

WOW is this what the world has come to? People walking around so full of negative that they can't even recognize a joke any more? I mean really people. Relax some. Good lordy. Shit. Stop and smell the fucking roses and TAKE A JOKE!

When I responded it was just a joke they said "I don't have time for jokes"!!!!!!

WHO DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR A JOKE? Okay people, if you are walking around today telling yourself you don't have time for a joke, then you need a day off, or some chocolate, or some sex, or, some sex and chocolate.

RELAX

What is up with all the negative Nellies and the I Canters in the world

Man. I don't understand so much of the things I've been experiencing lately. As you all know I've been doing my diet thing and I've been using the help of a website called Sparkpeople.com. WELL! On this website there are message boards. And after months of avoiding them I decided to venture into them. It was like blogging and I got pretty hooked on it. Plus since I love to run my mouth it was a great place to go. Well. I started putting up these posts with helpful suggestions in response to peoples comments and all I got back was a bunch of negative.

For example. This person was talking about eating a bunch of junk and I was astonished at all the junk she had in her house, I'm talking kit kat, peanut butter cups, candy bars, and so on. So I said, maybe instead of having that kind of stuff, you could have a little snack bowl of healthy or premeasured snacks on your counter like I do. I WAS FLOODED WITH NEGATIVE RESPONSES. One person wrote back and said, NO, I CAN'T JUST HAVE A PORTION, ONE PORTION MAKES ME WANT MORE AND BLAH BLAH THEN I BINGE AND THAT IS AN AWFUL IDEA.

Here is an actual response I received

Wilddreemer, your advise about healthy and portion-controlled snacks is great, and one that many people will benefit from if they follow it. You sound like you've got a real handle on this part of your eating, and I commend you for it.
I am not one that has lost weight that way, however, and believe there are many like me. After nearly 40 years of weight struggling, I've learned that I'm sensitive to sugar. One hundred calorie pre-packaged oreo flakes and other bite-sized bags-o-snacks usually contain large concentrations of sugar, or have nothing but carb and sugar with no fiber or protein to limit a blood sugar spike once I eat it. These things make me crave sugar more and more so I get to a point where the little snacks just don't cut it - I need to 'freebase' some sugar. The chocolate bars my coworker is selling for her kids is torture to avoid; avoiding high carb food gets harder; ice cream becomes something I daydream about...those processed snacks lead me down a path of increased difficulty, indulgence, and guilt. I know this, and choose to avoid those things. Many of the processed things are nutritionally empty, at least that's what I tell myself to keep from eating them. A 'healthy choice' cupcake would (and has) send me over the edge and undo all my hard work in eating healthy and nutritiously...I'd be back at square one. If I remove myself from these really bad temptations like the coworkers chocolate (nearly impossible since I work there), I will begin eating the ENTIRE BOX of cupcakes, or wafers, or whatever it is. It is like asking an alcoholic to only have one drink.
Snacks like you mentioned that are natural and healthier are a great option, but those of us who struggle with the all-or-nothing mentality are not going to fare as well as you have with these small temptations.
How many of you can eat controlled portions of packaged snacks? How many see these as triggers for worse food?


I was so appalled.

Then I posted something funny about Brandon feeding me Cheetos, and should I count the calories in the five he feeds me every day? Guess what response I got:
YOU SHOULD BANISH THINGS LIKE CHEETOS FROM YOUR HOUSE, YOUR CHILD IS GOING TO BECOME OBESE AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT AND YOU ARE SETTING TERRIBLE EXAMPLES HAVING FOOD LIKE THAT IN YOUR HOUSE!

HA, no really HA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME PEOPLE.

I had one hell of a response for those people. It went something like this.

Growing up my mom was very over weight. Rather then doing something about it, she closely monitored my weight. Also she was always doing some sort of crash diet. Seriously her freezer was always packed with Lean Cuisines and that was all she would eat for a whole day. There were liquid diets, Paid diets, diet pills, and so on. Even if my mom had never said a word about my weight watching her make hers such a big deal was enough to make me freak the fuck out about mine. A lot of people reading this actually know me. You know that in high school and my whole life I had never ever been bigger then a size 3. For someone being a size 3 and having their parent tell them they were gaining weight or getting fat because they weren't a size 1 anymore really mind fucks a person. But I can't blame my mom because her mom was that way with her. Its a chain. I don't want to follow that chain. So I wrote about how, this time I'm not actually dieting I'm making a life style change. Because I want my kids to grow up and think eating healthy is normal and following portion size is normal. I wrote that, there is no way I would banish my sons favorite Cheeto's. My mom did that to me. She banished all of the fun foods so I would binge like crazy when I was somewhere else. Seriously ask Katie about fat fast. When I was allowed to go to Katies house AKA land of the good food and toast...TOAST AS IN BREAD I would eat loaves of toast and we would make Fat fast shakes, which included ice cream, chocolate sauce, peanut butter, bananas, candy, sugar and anything else yummy. I would binge and binge and binge at her house and then hope and pray my mom wouldn't find out. Who wants to live like that. So I wrote back to Mrs Cheeto hater that there was no way in hell I was going to get rid of all that food, and I"m sorry her son is now obese but that is her problem not mine. When Brandon feeds me Cheeto's each morning I smile and I enjoy them. Once in a while, going and getting ice cream is a good idea. Having some chocolate together is fun. I need to make him understand that he doesn't ever need to hide food from me. He just needs to balance bad with good. Which isn't a problem considering I cook every night and every day and I make soups loaded with fresh veggies and healthy meals and stuff.

Basically I was flabergasted by these negative people. I reread the post from the lady who said she couldn't just have a portion because then she would have to eat more and I had had it. I was fed up I wrote back and here was my exact post.

all crazy but let me just tell you what i notice from my first day here. A lot of negativity and a lot of I can't do it because i don't want to. You are making all of this so much about food you aren't even giving yourselves a chance to concentrate on other things. As I mentioned before while I was growing up my parents house revolved around food. What food was good, bad, off limits and so on. Who ate good that day, who ate bad. Then I moved out and realized I did the same things. One day, recently I was driving home and I noticed the sunny weather. I came home and I was watching Oprah and her diet guy Bob said, that a very important part of dieting is giving up the scale every day. So I made this decision starting January first to eat healthy. BUT I decided I was not going to weigh in for an entire month. This almost killed me. I used to weigh myself 40 times a day. But after a few days I started to notice the changes in my body, how my clothes fit, how I felt and my over all personality. Rather then concentrating so much on the weight and food, I started to do other things. I started writing and reading blogs. I started playing more with my son. I started a weekend challange to clean out one whole room in my house. Cleaning is an amazing exercise and my house has never been so organized. On February first I weighed in and had lost 10 lbs exactly. I was so proud of myself and I made the decision that from now on I only weigh in on the 1st and 15th. It gives me so much more freedom to not waste every second of my life stressing. The next thing I did, while driving home that sunny day is realize I hate the gym. And if you are doing something that makes you unhappy don't do it. So I had my husband get down my old bike, because as a kid I LOVED to ride bikes. I went on a test run to the end of the street and before you knew it, you couldn't pry me off that bike. Now, I get exercise that I actually enjoy doing and it also gives me time to clear my head of all my days troubles. I even got my son a little bike seat so he can ride around with me, and spend some time doing something I really enjoy. I really encourage you all to open your eyes to all of the positive wonderful things around you. Go two weeks with out stepping on the scale and don't say you can't do it, because can't is just being negative. Find anything you love to do. I love cooking, so now, I cook big healthy meals during the week and take them to work to share with my dieting co workers. I ride my bike, I go buy a new head band, i get a fun hair cut (because mommies need to be hot too) I read my blogs, and I post blogs. I buy good magazines like Red book and stuff and read about funny things. I organize my house, and I have lots more sex because with me being happy even though I'm not a size two I still feel sexy. Come on people, lets get happy and positive again. Enjoy your new healthy life style and reward yourself. Relish in the things you love. Join a book club, ride a bike, get back on those rollerblades from when you were a kid. Go to the bounce house with your kids. Anything. Do something that for just a second, makes you feel like a kid again. you will notice such a change. I have. Even my husband, and parents and family, and friends have all noticed the difference in my personality. now go out there and do something FUN!

Guess what happened. They all shut up. I got one, way to go wilddreemer response and that was about it. I hope they read what I wrote and they really think about it. Because if you start a diet or ANYTHING with the mind set that you can't do it dumbasses. Fuck. You need to go into something this big with the attitude that you can do it. So to my blogging diet friends take my advice. Find a hobby, something you truely love and concentrate on that. Stop making it about the weight and make it all about you.


AND FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN YOU JUST FUCKING SMILE!

No people, I'm not really that down in the dumps.

Okay so as Jen so graciously pointed out (thank you for worrying bout me, makes me feel special, and not short bus special, real special) my posts have had a sort of negative undertone to them lately. Oh shit, who am I kidding they have just been spewing woe is me and poor me and blubbering cry baby shit all over the place. However, Jen its not because I'm actually sad, its because NOW as these things happen to me, it seems so much easier to just blog about them and be done with it. You know I used to keep all of this stuff in, come home and dump it all on my husband. But then at the end of the day, since I didn't "REALLY" talk about it, with a friend and the whole world, and anyone else who would listen, I find I'm still so upset about it. Soooo, I dump it all on YOU! You being all of my blogger buddies (all 8 of you now)! Now, at the end of the day, I get a couple reassuring responses, and a few, Hey Shannon you don't suck as bad as you think, and even some, screw those people. That makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I can go ahead and let it go. Soooo, if I have to throw in a few, my son is making me insane, my mom is wearing me down, my husband is driving me bonkers, and the whole world is basically making me wanna have the meltyiest melt down ever known to man. Then you guys have to deal with it because it makes me feel better. Also, I try and add in as many super cuteolicious pictures of Brandon as I can to keep the humor alive.

And don't worry I will still write funny stuff too, like how in the fuck is my new couch so covered in milk and Cheeto's? Annnnd how on earth do you get milk out of a couch. I try washing it and it seems to just spread it around. So do I try to put it in the washer? Because my brand new couches already seem to be coming apart at the seems, will washing them in the machine just make them fall to pieces? Uggg, Milk. and leaky sippy cups. Darn it.

3.07.2007

Things someone told me..

I shit you not, you all want to know why I'm so screwed up, here you go.

Things someone told me, and meant them.

  • When I was nine months pregnant running to walmart at 7 at night....You better be careful someone might kidnap you and cut out your baby and leave you for dead. Thanks for that one.
  • You better not leave your purse in the car, the whole world is fucked up so someone is going to steal it from you.
  • You know Armageddon is coming soon so you are going to see your son die.
  • Chocolate gives you pimples
  • Nothing lasts forever so don't get too attached to that husband of yours.
  • Your young, if you get divorced everyone will just think its normal since getting married young is something stupid kids do and adults laugh at.
  • Rub the Vicks on your sons back because it seeps in through his skin and thats how it works, NEVERMIND IT IS CALLED VAPOR RUB!
  • Writing on yourself in class is slutty, BUT cutting the ass out of your jeans is totally normal.
  • Its better to be a badass then to be liked.
  • Even if you just got a 60.00 dinner free, you shouldn't be happy because you could have gotten more.
  • My New Years resolution is to take no shit from anyone thats why I can be a bitch.
  • You fuck up everyones life you ever meet or get involved with (this was all brought on because I wouldn't go ask Ben Affleck for his signature while he was eating, since I thought this was very rude, Your welcome Ben)
  • You and your cousin are Cunts (this happened because we wanted to stop at garage sales before going to the company picnic)
  • I wish I had killed myself instead of your dad, that way you would care about me like you care about him.
  • Catholics are all fucked up, you shouldn't believe in God.
I'm going to have to stop now before I get more mentally fucked up then I already am.

Lets all go cliff jumping

I'm having a day! That bad kinda day. The kind of day where if someone doesn't stop me I'm going to jump off a cliff. Because, at the bottom of that cliff is chocolate, and chips, and salsa, and chocolate, and cookies, and pasta, and chocolate, and more chips, and bread, and sandwhiches, and Kit Kats, and Cheetos and crackers, and dip, and cream cheese and OOOOOO bagels, yeah, lots and lots of fluffy bagels with cream cheese, bagel shop cream cheese, not the cheap grocery store kind, but the creamy delicious bagel shop kind. I'm warning you all, I'll jump. Really. And I'll break my scale when I land!

The deaf mexican kindergartner

So I'm at work. This lady calls to accept a bid. She tells me that two people are going to pay for it and neither are going to pay me at the time of work. So I begin to tell her that we need some form of payment or deposit. She responds with this:

WILL YOU JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND. YOU NEED TO BE QUIET AND LISTEN BEFORE YOU SPEAK, I HAVE STUFF TO SAY!

Hang on, give me a second to recover from the anger of reliving it.





Okay, took a few deep breaths. If I had chocolate I would be scarfing it down so fast you would just see a brown blur. Anyway Miss Holyier then now continued to speak to me as if I was a deaf Mexican kindergartener. No I'm not prejudice or anything, I just know from experience that a lot of dumb ass people think that if they speak louder and slower and LOUDER to non english speaking people they will somehow understand them better. I am always amused by this. This lady was speaking to me this way. As if speaking LOUDER and slowwwer was going to some how make her any less wrong and any less of a ho ass bitch.

Sorry, don't like to name call anymore but that just ruffles my fucking feathers. Who the fuck did this lady think she was? Hmmmm? Can you tell me where people get off talking like complete assholes to customer service people.

I proceeded to tell her V E R Y C A L M L Y that it wasn't necessary for her to speak to me like a child.

She responds, WELL IF YOU WOULD JUST BE QUITE AND LISTEN. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!

OHMYFUCKINGGOSH I have never wanted to beat someones ass so bad. I had to put her on hold and walk away from it.

To make matters worse I was told by my boss, to be nice because we need her money.

FUCK HER. She talked to me this way for a full 15 minutes. In the end I was right she was wrong and she can kiss my ass!

Lesson of the day, when you call someone, any business, or customer service person, or secretary BE FUCKING NICE TO THEM! PLEASE. THEY DON'T NEED YOUR SHITTY ASS ATTITUDE. GOT IT?

NO REALLY! DO! YOU! UNDERSTAND!

BE NICE!!!!!!!!

Rooting for the worst

Some thing have happened lately. Small things, but still, they are enough to make me realize that there are a few people in my life who are actually rooting for me to fail. All of the sudden last night everything became so clear. I realized that the few negative people I have left in my life are actually sitting there hoping, probably praying that I screw up motherhood, just so they can stand around and laugh, and then tell me how much better they would have done it, and list all of the things I do wrong. To be honost I think one of these people secretly keeps a list hidden somewhere of things I've done wrong as a mom, a big list, with bullets and sub sets and everything.

I don't understand anymore. Okay that isn't entirely true, because, I guess I have spent a few years of my life being like these people. I guess that was before I was enlightened or some equally dorky shit like that. I hate that I was this person. Now probably as karma I seem to be surrounded by those people.

You can tell these people a mile away. They are the ones always walking around telling you what you SHOULD DO! Then, shaking their heads as they walk away because you did what you wanted and not what they told you. You know, those people who think their way is the only right way, even if they have never taken a single piece of advice in their lives, because really they must KNOW EVERYTHING! It must be nice knowing everything. I can just imagine walking around and never wondering anything at all. What is the square root of 238948059243? I dunno but they do. Does 238948059243 even have a square root? Beats the shit out of me, but they know. Should I wear my hair up or down, is it okay if I wipe my ass back to front today, do you mind if I breath today, or do you know a better way of breathing. I mean really, something so simple I'm sure I'm somehow screwing up. Really, I was just sitting here wondering, hmmm how can I breath the right way. Before you know it, one of those people walks in and says, "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!"

It is making me crazy. It is hurting my heart seeing all of these people waiting for me to fail. It was like this in high school. I had a family member tell my cousin and I that if we could graduate with out getting knocked up she would give us $500.00. Everyone else in the family thought it was a great deal, but me, I WAS PISSED. You aren't even giving me the chance to do the right thing, before you assume I'll do the wrong one.

You would be amazed at the things I do wrong, or have done wrong. Keep in mind none of these came from my husband.

  • I don't vacuum right. I didn't know there was a right or wrong way to vacuum. Actually what was said is that I vacuum very very well, however, I didn't vacuum in the order this person would have liked. In fact a major fight broke out because I chose to vacuum the right side of the couch before the left.
  • I don't sweep right. I like to hold the broom with my left hand on top and right hand on the bottom. This apparently IS VERY WRONG! Someone told me how I could do it better. (I'll stop typing now while you go pick up a broom, go ahead I know you are dying to see if you hold a broom the right or wrong way...go ahead, I'll wait.)
  • I don't mop right. Okay, wait, what was actually said is I don't use the right mop. I don't like those weird stringy mops that hold a shit load of germs and basically just swirl germs all over your kitchen floor. However, someone told me what mop would do it better then my super awesome swiffer that holds no previous yuckies in it.
  • I don't do dishes right. I prefer to use a scrubby brush not a nasty germ infested sponge. I like to let the water run while I do dishes so they are all clean and not sitting in nasty ass dirty water.
  • I don't parent right. Every single thing I am doing is wrong. Even if that person did the same thing yesterday, or even five minutes ago, now its wrong BECAUSE IT IS ME DOING IT. Every thing is going to cause my son to grow up and be an awful little boy and he is going to hate me for parenting so bad.
  • I want to believe in God. Yes, seriously. Someone has actually recently had the nerve to criticize me because I want to learn about prayer and believe in God and stuff like that. Even more so, I was criticized for wanting to have my son baptized....o wait, did I forget to mention, I was baptized. Yes I can see how I'm just doing this all wrong.
  • I was criticized for saying bless you to someone. Now, even though I have not always believed in God or religion, one thing about me is that I always took comfort knowing other people did, and knowing that if it made them happy to pray for me or bless me, then it made me happy. And, if God turned out to be real in the end, it couldn't hurt to have a few prayers tossed my way. So, even though I felt this way, before I figured out my thoughts on God, apparently others don't and they have the nerve to get mad when I say bless you. My bad, I guess I hope the devil does get your soul while you are sneezing.
  • I don't do my job right. Even though its been done this way for years, and its right, today its wrong because you don't understand it.
Have you ever noticed how if someone doesn't understand something then it suddenly becomes wrong? I don't understand math so you must be wrong. I don't understand religion so you must be wrong. Also, if you don't agree with someone then you are wrong. I choose to believe in God, that is wrong, you should only choose to believe in a higher spirit. I choose to believe in good in people, that is wrong and your purse is going to get stolen because you are stupid and Naive.

And also, while I'm on my soap box. Why do people feel the need to tell you to shut up? It is the rudest thing ever to say to a person. EVER! Also please stop saying it around my son, because I don't want him growing up and disrespecting people like you do. YOU know who you are!

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