The baby registry

I've decided to post my best advice for baby registries. Recently I viewed a friends registry and I nearly pissed myself laughing at the uneccessary, ridiculous load of shit she registered for. Then I remembered that a lot of my friends were quite the little shits about telling me the good stuff to buy. It wasn't until I bought ONE OF EVERY SIPPY CUP that they said, "well duh thats what all the babies love!" HATE, BURNING PUTRID HATE, FOR THAT, THANKS ASSHOLES. So, here are things I like to register for and why. Of course there is common sense stuff, a crib, stroller, car seat, changing table..blah blah. Also I strongly urge you to go to consumer reports and look at the current safety ratings for carseats. DO NOT BUY ON LOOKS OR MONEY. Buy on safety people.

  • One or two preemie size outfits. Some kids are born big and some like my son who was born 7lbs 4 oz would only fit in preemie outfits for about 2 weeks. Imagine my frustration when I was stuck in a hospital with nothing that fit my child and the nurses were trying to use shirts as pants...ugggg.
  • Diapers. People will always buy you what THEY prefer which may not be what you prefer. Personally I love pampers swaddlers. I was stuck with 8 bags of Luvs and a bag of Huggies. Thank goodness the hospital handed out Pampers or I would have been screwed. I donated all the brands I didn't like to Katrina victims.
  • Wipes. They are expensive, you will use them, why not get some for free.
  • Do not register for clothes other then onsies and sleepers, they are changed every month in the store and more then likely you will not get anything you wanted.
  • Onsies. Lots of them. Long sleeve and short sleeve. Your baby will basically live in these and jammies their first months. They will also poop on them hourly and spit up every ten minutes, you will need lots of these.
  • Cloth diapers. These are actually the worlds best burp rags, ever on the planet, plus you can get them in bulk and they work much better then most flimsy burp rags.
  • 3-4 changing pad covers, your kid will poop with the diaper off, you will change the cover and they will poop again, trust me you need more then one!
  • Changing pad cover protectors. These are little pee pads. They are very cute and they will save you from having to always change your cover when it is just a bit of pee or spit up.
  • Sleepers and jammies. Again your kid will live in these, get a few.
  • Nail clippers. The kind with the white bulb at the end work best because you get a good grip.
  • Mittens, because you will be far to afraid to clip those long as nails the first week and if you don't cover their hands they will scratch the shit out of themselves.
  • A nasal aspirator. No actually two or three, one in the diaper bag, one in the babies room and one in your room, oh maybe a forth, that one is to lose, because you will lose everything. I prefer the one with a little opening thing at the end so I can rinse it out reallllllly well, babies get some big ass boogers lodged in those things.
  • Towels. Maybe about 4. You will need more then one, because if your kid is like mine, they will wait until they are spotless and wrapped in a clean towel to shit all over that clean towel.
  • Washclothes. You will need a few because for the first few sponge baths you will use 2-3.
  • Baby shampoo/body wash. I love the Johnson's Naturals, it smells insanely delicious.
  • A wipe warmer. Go ahead tell me you don't need it, then when you come to my house and use mine, don't be mad when my wipes feel like a warm summers day and yours feels like you left them in the snow.
  • Bibs. No, you won't be feeding them, but when you put them in their carseat in a super cute outfit and then get to your destination and find your child and their carseat covered in spit up, you will be pissed, and wish you had LOTS OF BIBS!
  • Sheets. Get about 3. They will pee, poop and spit on these.
  • Mattress protectors. See above.
  • Blankets. Try and find ones that are slightly stretchy as they will work best for swaddling. Those little swaddle things they sell all preshaped are a waste of your damn money.
  • Some rash cream, however if you breast feed more then likely you won't see this for a while. I love the Aveeno rash cream.
  • If you have a boy, Aquafor works AWESOME for circumcision.
  • A rectal thermometer.
  • Alcohol pads (to clean thermometer and belly button)
  • Small gauze pads for circumcision and other random things)
  • Baby laundry soap (again its expensive why not register and get it free) plus, its good to wash all of their things before they wear them.
  • A laundry hamper
  • A lingerie type bag for socks, you want this bag, you will hate socks after a few weeks.
  • A swing. You want a swing, no matter how awesome a mom you think you will be, just get the damn swing. Make sure to get one that lays all the way back AND that you can remove the bar between the legs. You can't put a swaddled baby in a swing with a bar in the middle. I like this one, it had great ratings and my son loved it to pieces.
  • A baby backpack thing. I loved the Eddie Bauer one. It was awesome, didn't look dorky and saved my back tons. It is much cheaper then the Bjorn and kicks the Bjorns ass. You can try these on in the store. Do that, make sure you like how it unhooks and hooks and fastens and dangles and so on.
  • If you like binkies, the Nuk is the best one. I've heard great things about it, and after buying 17 different types it was the only one my son would use. Most people I know have said the same.
  • You do not need a steralizer, hot water will do the trick.
  • You do not need a drying rack...it will clutter your counter and piss you off.
  • You do not need a hand breast pump, they will break and piss you off.
  • Check your insurance before registering for a breast pump. A lot of them actually rent you a breast pump for up to three months at no charge and then at a very discounted monthly price after that.
  • Even if you will be breast feeding grab maybe two bottles. Brandon loved the Playtex nurser with drop ins, and the brown natru latch nipple. Most of the other ones are complicated and annoying.
  • A breast milk warmer was nice for fresh breast milk until I discovered running it under hot water for a few seconds accomplished the same damn thing.
  • Breast milk storage bags. They hold more and take up less space then those weird cups.
  • The lansinoh breast pads kick ass. They are thin, never leaked once (and I gush breastmilk like like guys drink beer).
  • You do not need toys, they won't know what to do with them for a long time.
  • Baskets. Cute little baskets are a life saver. I put them in the closet to hold socks, wash clothes and so on. I also put one on the changing table to hold the wipe warmer, and all the baby gear like creams and potions and lotions.
  • Baby lotion. I again liked the Johnsons Naturals.
  • A diaper Geenie. So far I feel like that keeps the smell in better then most. I hate walking into a room where the child has some other kind and all you smell is week old poop and rotting pee.
  • A bundle me. This thing was freaking awesome. First, it comes off so when it warms up you can take it off easily. Second you can't put a swaddled baby into a car seat since the buckles go between their legs. Plus, this thing is so much easier to get off and clean then the whole damn car seat cover. This thing is just some velcro and your there.
  • You will want to pick up one travel wipes container that is refillable. Make sure it seals well, I liked the huggies one and I would just use those shitty wipes as clean up ones and put in my Pampers newborn ones that were oh so soft. This is for your diaper bag
  • Remember your diaper bag should also have a thermometer, some alcohol pads and some rash cream and possibly the stuff for circumcision, so you are prepared where ever you go.
This is all I can come up with in a limited amount of time. Feel free to add stuff that you couldn't live with out and as I think of stuff I will for sure update this for all my preggo friends.


He may have new hair but.......

He is still my baby!!!!!

That did not just happen and when will I learn

When will I learn not to let Brandon run around before a shower with out his diaper.

First he was standing by the front door looking outside and he pooped twice

then he ran to me and he pooped once,

sooooo being a genius I picked him up and tried to run him outside and he pooped midrun,

WHICH! I stepped in, causing poop to squish out the top of my toes.

Before and after


My heart is breaking right now. No more baby fuzz hair. I seriously cried when it happened. Sobbbbbbb! SOB! SNOT! SOB!

I think I finally discovered my first craving

BANANA! Me craving banana is like most women craving pickles. Its odd for them. You see, I will tolerate a normal banana sometimes, when I'm feeling healthy but that is about it. With the exception of runts and laffy taffy I don't like anything banana "flavored". I don't like banana breads, hate banana in smoothies and can't stand banana in juices. Strawberry orange banana, puuuulease. Eww. That is why it strikes me odd that I have been craving chocolate banana milkshakes (I prefer vanilla shakes with chocolate syrup or vanilla shakes with chocolate syrup and peanut butter.) I find it even more odd that I suddenly enjoy banana scones and possibly think I might even like a slice of banana bread. I find it amusing that I am craving something I usually would rather not have. I have been enjoying yogurt with banana flavor and banana flavor juice and so on. It is all so odd. So, I guess I finally discovered my first real/odd craving!


Can someone please get me a tissue

Because of my insane pregnancy hormones I can't seem to stop looking at baby pictures from when Brandon was born. Here is my little boy from day one till now.


Jobby job job

This is going to be one of those rambling kind of posts that sort of goes no where, but really for reals there is a point that I sort of want to make somewhere in here, I think, huh what was I saying? Hmmm!

I've been reading Gingers blogs lately because, well, I like to sit at home and make out with my lap top you know instead of teaching my kid important stuff like spanish and color coordinating his shoes to his onsie. Anyhoo she writes a lot about her job, the life she wishes she could leave and being a powerful corporate woman. Which, first of all Ginger could totally rock corporate bitch bossy woman because she totally has the shoe closet for that! She got me thinking about jobs though. I realized that both my cousin and I have kind of lucked out on our jobs. For the most part we both enjoy coming to work. We can take our lunches basically whenever we want. If she has to she can bring her daughter in for a few hours. We both get off early on fridays. We both always have food around or someone to bring us food, and its good food, donuts, muffins, pizza, beer, you name it we can have it. There is always some fun juicy gossip to keep us laughing and realizing how much better our life is at that moment. Not to mention Lisa's work is always looking for a reason to get drunk, no, really, ground hog day, maple syrup day, Tuesday, yesterday, what ever it is they find a reason for a party and a bbq. My work, well, I am pretty sure my employees all have an intravenous tube in them feeding them beer, so its a party here also.

The flip side is, neither of our jobs are the kind that will find us being corporate high powered anything. We aren't required to dress pretty, hell today I'm wearing sweats, a tank top and four inches of arm pit hair. So for a split second I got to thinking, hmmm would I ever want that? Both Ginger and Katie have these jobs that can lead to future BIG jobs. Shit, Katie is already bossing around people 10 years her senior, just because she did that whole "graduate from college thing!" Wait, so did Ginger. I'm sensing a theme here. Whatever smarty Mcsmarties! I thought of how fun that would be to walk around in pointy high heals and fabulous slacks and what not. Then I though about how much I love being with my son. I suddenly realized in this day in age it is almost an either or situation. I know a lot of people have fancy jobs and kids, but I'm willing to bet they can't just drop everything for a day at the park because it is sunny out. Or they can't make every soccer game or school play. I thought about that and I realized that I would have totally beat my moms ass if she missed my stuff. I know, that if I was raised that way from day one it would be normal, but I would never want my son to live that sort of normal.

I gave this a lot of thought and I realized, I may never have a shit ton of money but I will be available to give my kid soooo much love he won't even miss all the money, besides, isn't that what grandparents are for? I think a part of me knew when I was going to college that I didn't really want to be there. I finally realized that while on paper I might look fabulous because I had some super degree, there is a huge difference between paper and real life. There is this guy in Reno, he owns the company where my husband works. He is never home. Monday-Sunday he is at work. He has three sons and I honestly feel bad for them and especially his poor wife. I look at my own parents. They make great money, but I can't remember the last time they stopped and took time for them. Wait yes I can, almost four years ago when they went to Hawaii, which was the first trip they took in ten years. I thought, damn that sucks. I only got to go to Disneyland once in my life because my parents where to busy. Hmmm, that sucks. I realize now, that maybe I won't be able to stay in the best hotels or buy the fanciest suveniers but for the most part, I can take off any weekend I want with my kids and go anywhere. And, really I can take off any week I want and go dick around in Hawaii, or Disneyland, or Yosemite or anything. I realize now, in the long run I would much rather have this amazing rich family life then a rich bank account. I want to see every single baseball game or soccer game or ballet recitals or whatever.

Now on the flip side I would never be a stay at home mom either. No offense to stay at home moms, but really I would get bored. I couldn't even stay at home for two weeks on maternity leave before I found myself coming to work, going to the mall, coming to work and so on. I can't be bored. I am not one of those people who can spend a whole day doing nothing. I have to do something. Go to the store, the carwash, the park the mall, the gas station. ANYTHING! Also, I don't ever want my son to have some sort of scewed image that women are supposed to stay home. My entire life I will never forget this kid I went to school with my whole life (Ginger he is the guy you made out with at my party at the hilton....you know who I'm talking about). Anyway I can remember all the way back to freaking 4th grade when EVERY DAMN DAY he had fresh fucking baked cookies in his lunch. I was always amazed and he said, well my mom better do that, that is what women do, they stay home and cook my food and do my laundry. I'm ashamed to admit I later dated this guy, but don't worry I totally cheated on him too! I look at my friend who stays home and is already having trouble with her son. He won't do chores because she can do them. Once he even sat on the couch and said no mom you can do it I don't feel like it. Sooo, since she had no choice she did it. I don't care how much you say your son won't turn out like that, I almost don't know how you can avoid it. I also want my daughter (if I have one) to know that she can totally go get a job and not be tied down to some man ever.

I guess in the end, there really is no part of me that wants to strive for more in the work related area. I am so happy knowing that first I'm a mom then I'm an employee. However, even if you do decide to go corporate...really people FIND A JOB THAT SERVES YOU BEER AT YOUR DESK...DUH!


Hey Jen & Julia a look into the future

This morning I changed my sons diaper, it smelled so bad I threw up in my mouth!
Good luck you two!


Amy got out easy

I read this post by Amy. I laughed at her. Then today, I got a chance to go to Walmart toddler free. This meant I could put stuff in my cart with out having it thrown back at me. Here is my list:
2 Loaves bread
Changing table pad and cover

Here is what I left with.
5 pack onsies
4 pairs baby shorts
Bathing suit
Bathing suit skirt
Bathing suit shorts
Crib sheet
String Cheese
Bean dip
Shoe laces
A toddler recliner chair
6 bags coffee (raspberry, chocolate, kaluah)
Coffee creamer
No changing table pad or cover
Baby wipes
Sippy cups
Total $250.00

Because Walmart didn't have a changing table cover I had to go to Babies R Us. All I wanted was a pad and two covers. THATS IT! I left with:
1 Changing pad
2 covers
Bath measuring scoop cups
Bath finger paint/bubble bath
Baby face lotion
Giants outfit
Tiny sandals
Snack cups
5 containers of Gerber finger snack thingies
Training tooth brush and toothpaste
Floor cover for under high chair
Total $125.00

Amy I win....I got screwed!

Stupid stupid stupid little girl

Here is the exchange that took place between my hubby and I last night:

Hubby: So what bothered you so much about seeing your ex at that last game
Shannon: He winked at me
Hubby: So
Shannon: Soooo, he knows that winking is special to me we used to wink in public to say I love you
Shannon: shit
**Enter stage left Giant fan, enter stage right Big pile of shit...begin scene titled SHIT HITTING THE FAN

Hubby: Soooo, the thing we do in public to say I love you is the thing you used to do with another guy
Shannon: Ummmmmm
Hubby: Wow
Shannon: Ummmm Well I forgot we did that until I saw him again
Hubby: Bullshit shannon you remember what color the first pair of underwear you owned where, you didn't forget
Shannon: Shit
Hubby: This is funny, you know we aren't doing that anymore right
Shannon: But...why, its sweet
Hubby: Oh okay dear, I used to totally bring rocks to all my ex girlfriends, hope you don't mind that I do it with you now
Shannon: Ummm I wouldn't care
Hubby: Bullshit you would throw all the rocks I brought you away and you know it
Shannon: So if I wink at you now what are you going to do
Hubby: Ask if you need some eye drops
Shannon: Gee, thats not nice
Hubby: Whatever, you sooo don't get to make me feel bad for this
Shannon: But, I forgot
Hubby: Liar
Shannon: I know
Hubby: This is one of the most awesome moments for me, I love when you fuck up
Shannon: Yeah, this was one of those times I was supposed to think before I speak

I'm stupid!



For most of you who read this and actually know me, you know I only have three close friends. Yes only three, Ginger, Katie and my cousin Lisa. That is it. They've been with me for what feels like eternity and they are the only people who I actually tell anything and everything to. I mean everything, not just love things, or heart break, but the odd stuff too. My cousin is the only person I've ever discussed pregnancy/bowl related issues with. Ginger is probably the only person I can really talk food with. Katie, is the only person I can talk to about how inadequate I feel, and also...I mean we rolled in cow shit together, Katie earns a free pass as a friend for life with that!

That post on Stephs page, that last rambling one about Myspace, that was about me. Yeah yeah whatever. I told her how I felt about stuff and that was her response. Heres where tonights post stems from. Have you ever noticed how friendships are soooo much like relationships? You know how when you start dating someone, you begin to notice the little things about them? Then, you notice the big things. Then you sit down and talk to yourself and you wrestle with the big and little things and you decide if the big things are things that can be changed or if they are so big you have to just let go and break loose of the friendship? With Rob, there are tons of little things; fish sauce, playstation, farting in bed, snore, blowing his nose in the sink and shower and farting at the kitchen table. These are "little" things that drive me nuts, they make me insane. They are the little things I would die with out if he ever left. Rob never really had "BIG" things. Most of my other exes did, there was the one who didn't graduate and had no life motivation, the one who liked to shove me around, the one who had commitment issues, the one who brought a gun to school, the one who slept with someone else, the other one who slept with someone else, the drug dealer who I'm also pretty sure was in a gang, and of course the one who was just a huge prick (the diver)! There were tons more, but these are a few of my favorite examples of "BIG" problems.

Thing is, friendships are the same way. All of my friends have things that drive me nuts, Lisa is so damn nonchalant, Ginger is too damn smart (knowing things like bugs in cereal is sooo not common knowledge), and Katie....well dammit, her house is too pretty, I go there and I just want to mess it up. However, if you asked me to think of big problems, I really can't. These are the friends that over time have passed the test and have either made minor changes or even big ones and in the end we found a way to work it out. Lisa has done so good at opening up about stuff which makes me happy...SOOO! HAPPY! (exclamation points and caps happy!) Another way friendships are like relationships, is even the really good ones need breaks sometimes (Ginger and I)! But no matter what if its meant to be, you find your way back to each other, (at Smiths, you with organic milk me with a messy baby)! The other thing though, about these friendships is if you notice something that is a potentially "BIG" problem, you should have no qualms about telling your friend that.

Today I finally expressed to Stephanie one of my "BIG" problems. It drives me nuts that she has soooooo many friends, on Myspace and in life. I know, your thinking what a weird thing to be bothered by. Not really though. If you look at the people I have surrounded myself with, we are all similar. We all have our close friends (who actually know each other and aren't afraid to hang out together) and we have a very few, other friends, or acquaintances. Some people may say its lonely, but for me, its so refreshing knowing that the friends in my life will be the same friends 50 years from now. Then I see these people will ALL THOSE FRIENDS and I have to wonder, why so many. What is the reason you need to surround yourself with 100s of friends. Not only that, why surround yourself with so many people who choose to segregate themselves. I have mentioned to Steph before that I am super frustrated that her friends don't seem to want to get to know me, but also to me it seems like she has work friends, second work friends, volleyball friends, guy friends, twins, the high school friends (Dawn, Britney and so on) and me. I look at all of these groups and I find myself wondering, wow, with so many people in your life how on earth do you know who to trust? She trusted people at her last work and go so unbelievably screwed, and the worst part, is I don't think she learned anything from it. So, her post today, was because I questioned what on earth possessed her to random add me and some other people on myspace (I didn't name em all but there were a few). I'm honestly bothered by this. If you have these great friends, actual good friends, why on earth do you feel the need to continue to look for more. I have these great friends, I decided to let Steph step in not because I am bored with my friends, simply because she made it really hard not to, and I though maybe I would see what all of this having tons of friends thing was about. I feel like since I let her in I've come so far out of my comfort zone I don't even know who I am anymore. I let her hug me, I answer her phone calls, I sometimes call back, I make an effort to go to where she is, not because I consider her a better friend, simply because I wanted to see if acting all girly and overly friendly was better then, well, having my three close friends who totally get me and love me even if I don't call back, answer their calls, go to their houses or basically be any kind of a real friend. So today I finally try and explain to Steph that I find it so frustrating that she has all of these gazillion friends, and holy shit did the situation blow up. Me and my pregnancy hormones are mostly to blame, but I walked away from it feeling as though she really didn't at all understand that for me, I yearn to only be around those people I'm comfortable with. Then I stopped and looked at it harder and I realized, Ginger also has a few close friends, I KNOW THEM, we can hang out, Lisa, only a few close friends I KNOW THEM, we can hang out (and squish each others boobs), Katie only has a few close friends, I KNOW THEM, we can hang out together (and get shitfaced drunk together...Candice) I realized that Steph having alll of these friends makes it impossible for all of her friends to combine and become a group or at least a group of people who can occasionally hang out.

So I'm left wondering, is this going to be one of those huge things that is going to turn into a major conflict, or is this going to be one of those things I will learn to get past.

Something else you have to know, is that I don't keep friends long, and before Rob I didn't keep guys long. If things get good I find a way to fuck them all up so I have an easy out. I don't do this with Ginger, or Lisa or Katie, because they give me zero reason to want out. With that one guy, right when things got decent, I might have slept with one of his good friends, with that other guy, right when things were serious....I possibly slept with that same guy, with the guy who took my dog, when he moved in, I might have made a big enough deal out of washing a shirt that he moved right back out. It hurt, but I was alone and I was comforted in that. I was at peace knowing I was with me and only me, and that my three friends would come over, say all the right things, get me totally wasted, and never, EVER once try and force me out of the house, or try and force me to change. When things got good with the guy whose parents I loved...I might have slept with that same guy again. When things got good with that guy I slept with a lot, I might have cut him off. Now theres a surefire way to push someone away huh!

The point is, I am a person I'm a person obsessed with comfort zones. I don't like to leave my bubble, I don't like the new, or the unfamiliar, or the whole getting to know your quirks thing. This method works for me. This is the method that makes me happy, that causes me not to stress, that makes me relax and calm the fuck down. I am surrounded by people who know when to get excited (chocolate sale) and who also know, when to just be mellow and not act overly happy. I'm surrounded by people who know that sometimes I will stare at my caller ID and know you are calling and choose not to answer it, because in that hour I can't cope with talking on the phone. They know, I probably won't call them back and more then likely I won't even address the fact they called. I like this. This is why I don't do new well. This is why I take the new and I destruct it. I mash it up and I find all of the bad.

I am the same in friendships as I am in relationships. Sometimes in relationships, one exceptional person comes along and you marry them. Only them. You pick the person who you actually love to hug, the person who touches your soul, who offers you the world with out wanting a single thing back (besides maybe some fried chicken skin and a little sex here and there). You marry the person who carries your whole heart in theirs as though it were a raw egg and they are terrified of breaking it. The person you can show your ugly too, your crazy, your break down and cry on the floor. You marry the person who knows the real you inside and out. The one who knows that your probably bipolar, that you make no sense, that your family is fucked up and that your life is in shambles. You marry that person and they don't tell you it's going to be okay, they just shut their mouth, take it all in and in the morning they never speak of it again. Well, that is how my friendships are. I feel like I've made a life long commitment to the three people in my life. I realize that I could never go with out Ginger (really ask her how bad I pestered her when she tried to take a break from me, I was relentless), I need Ginger, because for someone who isn't related to me, shit, this girl has seen allllll of my ugly and just shuts her mouth about it (okay there is some occasional sarcasm but I love that from her!) Lisa, well I couldn't live with out Lisa because shit, I don't know if I ever make a decision with out speaking to her first. I'm serious I probably don't even buy bread with out calling her first. Not to mention she is the only one I can be on the phone with for 5 hours and say nothing besides OMG I tasted the best chips. Shes also the one I can be on the phone with for 5 hours where I say everything and she says nothing because as she puts it, I'm an overthinker and I can't over think with out over thinking out loud. Also, she has a great sense of direction. I need Katie in my life, because I need someone who believes in a happy ending. I need that person who sees everything through rose colored glasses while sugar coated and having a silver lining. Katie is the only one who can basically say Shannon, STOP your being an ass and I say....OMG I'm being an ASS...and, Katie is pretty much the only one who isn't afraid to say, hey you dipshit, knock it off and get out of your pitty party, your being stupid (cept Katie always says shit so much better) plus Katies parents totally make the best toast.

The new people I have let in my life never seem to have a quality I can't live with out. Shanna, I can live with out her, Nicole, no problem. But these three, nope I would die. Really ask Rob how pouty and whiny I was when Ginger took her break. All I did was whine about how I NEED GINGER TO LIVE (yes I really said those exact words, I'm that corny)!

So at the end of this, I have to say, I would rather only have three friends that I NEED TO LIVE then have 201 that I could live or die with out. I would rather have three people, I would trust with my childs life (Ginger would feed him good and make him smart, Katie would teach him amazing manners, and make him smart, and Lisa would obey every wish in my will about no spanking or this or that...and make him a math genius....shit my friends are too smart). I have to say its pretty big when you have 3 people in your life you would trust your kid, or your cat too.

So there it is, there is my frustrating, maybe this is a case of it bothers me that you aren't like me, but thats fine, I'm not afraid to admit that. It bugs the shit out of me that Stephanie isn't like me. It bothers me she has friends in her life who would fuck her over and get her fired, or miss her birthday for the gym or school (Ginger missed a final or something to sit on a curb with me after my grandma died and watch me smoke...ginger is all about school and she missed school for me). That is what bothers me. I guess, I don't understand anyone in the world not wanting what I have with my three best friends. How can anyone want to live a life with people who aren't like my friends? My friends, who would drop everything and anything, just to come eat mexican or Thai with me, or drag their brand new baby to Benihana for no reason other then I had a craving, or who will ditch their husband on superbowl because you know my superbowl party means the world to me. Friends who understand that the little times, like a birthday or a craving or a thought are the most important times. Friends shouldn't only be your friends at the big times. Anyone can be there at the big time, anyone can do what looks politically correct, but really how many friends would drop everything just to get some frozen yogurt? This, this right here, is what drives me nuts about Steph, I'm not sure her friends would do these things for her, and I guess more then anything it makes me feel sad for her. It makes me want to fix everything and make it better. It makes me want to shake her and say hey wake up, the people in your life are treating you so bad. And the fact that I can't help that, and I can't make her see frustrates the fuck out of me. Every time she tells me what her shit head friends did I get angry. But then I remember what Ginger said, fix it or shut up about it. Well get rid of those people or get over it right. She won't ever get rid of the people who treat her bad, because Steph likes to make people happy. Basically I'm just not sure how much longer I can sit around and watch Steph be this amazing friend to all her friends, while they are just friends when its convenient to them to be a friend.

Anyway I'm sure this blog is going to piss Steph off even more then I did today, but in the end, thats fine. Be mad at me. I don't mind. It happens, you laugh it off and move on. So there you go, this is the reason for the whole fight today. I hope now you understand better.

The official dumb ass awards

Since I'm tired of being the only idiot out there I have decided ya'll need to send me your dumb ass moments. Then I will rate them on some kind of very sophisticated points system and announce the dumb ass of the month award! So lemme have it, what stupid ass things have you done this week, month, year?

I really need to start a dumbass award

This morning I went to get a baggy to put my chips in for my lunch. I open the drawer and what do I see? A barely eaten almost full block of cheese sealed in its little baggie nestled in the damn bag drawer. It has been there since SUNDAY! How am I losing my mind this bad? I was never this stupid with Brandon.

Oh wait, did I mention that when I told my husband he replied, "yeah I saw that"! WAIT he saw it and he left it there.....thats annoying.


More things

Brandon just came to me whining. He grabbed my hand and kept pointing it toward his little zip up footie jammies. I was very confused. Finally he grabbed his foot and I noticed there was something in there. Things I found in Brandons jammies tonight:

1- Cookie monster action figure
1- Elmo rollerblading action figure
1- Whinnie the pooh block
1- Little people person

My kid is sooooo strange!

Reasons I know I'm a good mom

I've never done this
Or this

This either

or even this

Man, I'm kicking ass at this parenting thing!

The best damn intentions

I had every intention this morning of waking up and having a bowl of cocoa crispies. I told myself that since it is puffed rice and does not contain wheat or oat flower that it would be safe. Then, I started having dreams and visions about me taking a bite of cereal and having bug legs and wings dangling out of my mouth.



Brandon's new trick

If he decides his diaper is too wet, he will run into his room and get a diaper. Then he brings it to me, pulls it all apart, puts it on the ground and sits on it. It is really really cute. I love watching him do this, because he is so darn smart. If we change his diaper in the the room, he runs to the diaper geenie and trys to put his diaper in there and then tries to turn it.

Other fun things he does. He tries to put his clothes on. He isn't real good but he tries. He knows how to make a copy on the copy machine. He knows that the remote turns on the TV. If you tell him to wipe his nose, he reaches down, grabs his shirt and wipes his nose on that, Sigh!

He can put DVDs in his TV and even knows which button means play.

Wait, remember earlier I told you I found an empty wipes container? Well I took it out of the sink and put it on the barstool. I guess Brandon had to poop so he ran into the room and he got another diaper. Only this time he knew he needed wipes so he ran in his room, unzipped his travel bag and got out his pack of wipes. He then pulled out every single wipe, put one wipe in the empty wipe box from the sink, packed a diaper in the second wipe box and ran it out to me in the living room. Now, I didn't see all of this, so when I noticed he pooped, I said lets go get a diaper. That is when I noticed that he had packed his little changing station. He pulled out his little diaper from his small box, unfolded it, gave it to me and then he opened his other box, pulled out a wipe and handed it to me and then laid down for his change. I had to laugh.


Things I found in my sink this morning:
1- Yellow left flip flop
1- Wooden mallet toy
1- Empty box of baby wipes
1- Large ball



Can you smell that smell?

There is a smell in my house. I can't find it. It is near my kitchen, that is all I can tell. It is not the trash, the disposal, the fridge the floor. It is nothing obvious. I'm trying to avoid lighting a candle and pretending its not there, but it is. I want it gone, it is embarrassing. I'm afraid someone will show up, take on sniff and think I am some sort of messy pig. I'm not. I'm clean. Well, as clean as anyone with a 20 month toddler can be. I won't lie, my couch and carpet may have a few hidden Yo-Gos and Cheetos, but nothing smelly...I don't think. My son does have a habit of hiding his cheese and his milk inside pans in my cabinets, but I don't think that is it either. Has this happened to anyone else, or am I the only grosso with a smell in her house? Shit now I'm embarrassed I wrote about this...I've got to go, I need to search my cabinets for milk and cheese.


Then and now, a post for Jen

I know I have posted about this before but I'm going to talk more about it for Jen, and I encourage you mommies out there to comment and let me know your Then and Nows of parenting. Then is before I had a kid and now is well, now that I'm a mommy.

Then: I criticized any parent who let their child sleep with them. I bashed them for not having the common sense to get their kid out of their bed so they could have normal lives.

Now: I pretend I want my son out of my bed, but when he spent the night away the other night I missed him sooo badly I almost stuck a pillow in his spot.

Then: I would make fun of my friends who wouldn't let their kids spend the night, or who didn't take trips with out their kids and told them they needed ME time and they were being ridiculous and to get over it. I often talked of how when I had a kid I would make sure I kept up with my ME time.

Now: I am fine letting my son go to grandmas for the day but when he spends the night I won't lie and say that both my husband and I don't get sad around 8PM and have to talk each other out of going to get him. It was sooo hard to let him go to anyones house with out me the first time, but I realized I had to do it. I still enjoy my ME time but I think of my son every second.

Then: My child will only eat organic food.

Now: HA! I followed this strictly during the jarred baby food stage. Now though, no way man. Bring on the campbells and Kraft Mac and cheese and the Cheetos and regular string cheese and gasp non organic chicken tenders...yeah, I lost patients for all that, I realized I could only buy what my son would eat!

Then: Kids who scream should be dealt with. They must have bad parents if they are behaving that way at dinner.

Now: I'm to tired to give a shit, if you want to jump on the table, fine whatever just don't wake me I'm sleeping!

Then: My kid will never go out in public with stains or stuff on his face.

Now: Dude, how in the fuck did you find that piece of chocolate while you were in your carseat? I swear you were clean when I put you in there. And also, you don't want to wash your face, fine its you they are staring at not me, go on with your bad self, be messy, thats what kids do, they are messy, in fact, come here, let me smear something on your face, you look extra cute covered in chocolate!

Then: I will change my kids diaper every time he pees.

Now: Shit, where did your diaper go, ooooo you took it off because it was soo full you were afraid you were going to sink if you walked by quick sand. Dammit, I'll try harder tomorrow!

So you can all see what an idiot I was about parenting before I had a kid. I may still be an idiot, but at least now I can speak from my own experience. How bout you other moms out there. Help me out, what things do you do now that you swore you would never do if you became a mom?


it must be Gods food

After my lovely little bank fuck up, I was driving around thinking about how much I wanted a yummy chocolate banana milk shake. I realized I was close to the mall and I could just run into the food court and grab on from Diary Queen. As I walked in I smelled the enticing aroma of Sabbaro greasy mall pizza. Suddenly I found myself in line ordering a slice. Then I wandered over to Dairy Queen and ordered my chocolate banana milkshake. The lady looked at me like I was a retard. She brought it, and before she had even processed my credit card I had jammed a straw in and took a big long slurp! EWWW Yuck, wait, excuse me miss, there is no banana in this. Ooooooo you said banana, I thought you asked for a chocolate vanilla milkshake. Uggggg, yeah whatever retard lady just fix my shit so I can drink it all before I get to my car. Finally she fixed it and I swear I had a TFO (Tiny food orgasm). I came to work and enjoyed my milkshake and pizza. Now, I'm so full it hurts to be alive. I don't know what I've done to myself but I can't move. My gosh I ate wayyyyy to much, and for the life of me I can't stop myself from slurping up the last few drops of milkshake, and sniffing the chocolaty banana fumes!

Turns out, I really could be more of a dumb ass

Rob and I own two homes (toot toot yeah yeah). We rent one of them out. Being the smart financially savvy person I am, I opened a fancy little rental account so that when my very reliable (add a shit load of sarcasm to that word) renters bring their check sometime between the 1st and the 15th I can put it in the rental account so as not to commingle money. Then I go on my fancy little bill pay service, check off the payment and I'm done. Right?

Ha! Not in my world. First, I would have to remember to take the fucking check to the bank. Then I would need to remember when I'm on my fancy bill pay website to check off the little button telling it to come from my rental account and not my personal account. Now, had I done these things, the rent payment wouldn't have come out of my checking account, causing my husbands car payment to bounce. Fuck me!

How is it, I get pregnant and suddenly I can't handle simple tasks like point and click?

I really am that dumb!!! REALLY!

Yesterday I posted my baby picture and the post relating to my first doctors appointment. Here are two of the comments I received:
~~JarretNJulia~~ said...
What a great ultrasound picture. I am glad that everything is looking so great!!!
And it's so cool cause I have my next ultrasound at 8+3 too so I know now what to look forward to :)

Congrats on the Turkey baby ;)

angie said...
Yay for the turkey baby! And I love baby Lou! Too cute! Ultrasounds make no sense to me either but it looks like it's a cute little growing baby.
Ooh and if you are craving chocolate remember what the Dr. said...Eat A LOT!!!!

I read these and I am baffled. I couldn't figure out why everyone was calling my baby a turkey. So I pulled up the photo and I was like well, I guess it kind of looks like a turkey, but what a random thing to notice. And, since I'm hormonal I got all sad that you guys thought my baby looked like a turkey. Then I stopped being stupid and I realized DUH SHANNON!!!!!! Duh you idiot your due on Thanksgiving hence the turkey baby comment. Wow, can I be anymore oblivious and dumb? I'm just glad I didn't share that with my husband and friend who was over, because they would have instantly looked at me and said ARE YOU STUPID, DUH AND DUMB ASS!!!!!!!!



Here is baby Lou at 8 weeks and 3 days! I am due Thanksgiving. The + on the left is the head, the + on the right is the feet. This is a top picture. The dot dead center is where I saw the heart beat. It was like thump thump thump only it was going as fast as my son when he sees chocolate. The nurse whom I love saw me today. She was very proud of my weight and my health. She was also proud of my positive attitude. The only thing she wasn't to happy about is my eating. She would like to see me eat a little more. She said my urine was positive for ketones (in the diet world that means your body is in the lose weight phase) and she would like to see me out of that phase by my next appointment. She encouraged me to increase calories and eat more and more often. She said if something sounds good to eat it, even if its considered unhealthy or bad, you crave things for a reason, therefor nothing is UNHEALTHY OR BAD when you are pregnant and you have a legitimate craving. This baby photo is from the top. Brandon's was from the side, I guess they are floating different. This baby looks a bit smaller then Brandon, but the pictures were about two days apart so it could be just that. All and all everything was excellent and I had good reports!

Stuck in a moment

Last night was my husbands first softball game. I went there and I was so excited. I wasn't dressed nice, in fact I was wearing jeans that are now so big, that when I walked, I had to hold them up by the belt loop because I was too stubborn to wear a belt. Anyway, the point is, I sure wasn't expecting to run into anyone. I turned around and the team behind my husbands, on the other field, was a friend/ex ummm lover and his team. We are still friends so I walked over to say hi. Then I found myself face to face with 3 ex relationships. Two of who are now good friends, and one, well, one who was you know, the one that given the chance I would have done every thing different with.

I was shocked. I think I actually froze as he walked toward me. I didn't even need my glasses because I would recognize that smile full of the most perfect teeth from a million miles away. Not to mention the walk. The cocky saunter he always had. I was just frozen in time. Its not as though we haven't seen each other since we broke up, it was just the first time we had seen each other sober, and in a normal environment. Luckily one of the other friends started talking and I busied myself talking to him, the whole time wondering if I was staring at the other. I maybe said two words to him and he even asked me to come back and chat with him during the game. I simply walked away and stayed on my side of the field, said a simple goodbye and left.

This guy is so much different from all of the other guys in my life. I started pining after him in 7th grade. For some reason, he just didn't want to give me a chance. He wanted to string me along and fuck with my mind. To be honest I blame him for so much of who I was in high school. Every time he picked a different girl over me, I would simply run off and make out with 10 guys just to show him what he was missing. I would sleep with this guy or that guy because somehow in my mind I wanted him to be jealous or something.

Finally the end of sophmore year he gave in. We were a couple. It was amazing and awful at the same time. Here was this wonderful prince of a guy who at the same time, had a way of making me feel so shitty about myself I often found myself conflicted over our relationship. He would tell me how not to wear my hair or what not to wear, and he had this voice, that he would use when he would talk to me like a was 4 year old child who didn't get it. I could have avoided this, I could have stepped up and laid down the law, instead, I chose to sleep with his best friend (who was one of the three guys at the game last night)! I cried the entire time it was happening, because in my mind I knew I was destroying the relationship I had wanted for so long.

We tried to work it out, and the remainder of that relationship turned into who could fuck with the others mind more. The relationship ended bad, beyond messy. The kind of thing that only happens in movies. It was terrible. It fucked with my mind for so long. I still find myself thinking, had we dated when we were younger or waited till we were older, we would have had such a different relationship. There is no part of me who would give up what I have now, but if I could have hand picked on person to be my only serious relationship it would have been him.

More then anything, I really wish it could have ended differently. I wish we could have been adults about it, and that it didn't take 5 years for us to be civil. I also with that we didn't have such great chemistry, I guess the chemistry between us is so great it is explosive at the same time. Last night, for the 2 minutes I talked to him, the chemistry was still there. We both know it, it has always been there, since 7th grade. I'm just sad we never got the chance to really explore how good we could have been together. Like I said, I'm totally happy where I am, this is where I want to be, it would have just been nice, to have a serious normal relationship under my belt, rather then some extreme crazy that ended in pure chaos.



Last night, we called Brandon to say goodnight while he stayed at grandmas. He came running to the phone yelling MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY and I thought my heart couldn't melt anymore. Then I said I love you, and he said I ooov eww! I almost died. He said it back TWICE! Then he said mommy some more, then dada, talked to dada then when I was quite because I was so overwhelmed he said O (Hello). Uggg, it was the best conversation I had ever had with my son to date!


I am just going to go ahead and blame it all on the baby and none on me.

This morning I woke up and felt normal. Then Rob and I went to watch a movie. While we were at the movies I decided to eat: A hot dog, a small popcorn (my own we each had one), a frapaccino and, a box of mini butterfingers. Then we went for ice cream. I felt so full. So full in fact that my pants started getting tight and I was convinced I looked about 5 months pregnant. My belly was all pushed out and I couldn't believe I ate that much. Then I came home and checked my yahoo baby calender and todays entry said:
Your waistline begins to thicken!

I was overjoyed. Of course that was the problem. Of course it is allllll because of the baby and the fact that my belly is going to start getting big. Nothing to do with the fact that I stuffed my face beyond belief.

After my evening puke we went to dinner and now, I'm super stuffed again, only I know its simply because of the baby and not because I at all the beans and rice they served me today!


Check it out, over there on the right

Scroll down, I have started a list of words my son says. Notice how his first words all have asterisks in em!


Okay, my secret is out, we really are related to Jed Clampet

We finally have definitive proof. Our family really is related to the Beverly Hillbillies. My sons pants would not stay up for anything so my dad fashioned a belt out of some rope. The pants still wouldn't stay up so he grabbed more rope and fashioned some stylish suspenders to match.

What do you think, can we market these or what?


Advanced placement

My husband and I have finally figured it out. Brandon is pretty advanced we think. We think this because he started crawling at 4 months, walking at 9 months, talking early and so on. He started feeding himself at a very early age, he's super smart. He does things that surprise me every day. It is because of this, because my son is sooooo advanced that Rob has come up with the following hypothesis.....

My son is going through the terrible twos at one and a half because he is just that advanced!

That has to be it right. Thats why he is so off the wall. He's just advnaced. Which means, when the new baby is born, Brandon will be way passed the terrible twos and will have moved onto the threes even though he's only going to be two and a half.

Right? Makes sense right? RIGHT!!!!!!??????

This one is for Jen

Jen just emailed me about how she can't stop crying now that she is pregnant. I wrote her back and told her she will only get crazier. I decided I would share with all of you an example of how crazy I got during my pregnancy.

One night Rob and I were having one of our pregnancy fights** I think this particular fight was over the cat. So we are arguing. It's a good fight. You know the kind where I go into ugly cry, combined with choking sobbing, mixed with a bit of sniffles, and just for good measure a little of that heaving sob sob sob where you can't catch your breath kind of crying. Oh yeah I was throwing it all out at him. I was trying to explain to him that I couldn't control my words because I was pregnant. Oh yeah, I was totally wearing nothing but a tank top, underwear*** and a huge ass pregnant belly. So we are fighting and he decides he is going to leave. I get pissed and grab his keys, run in the bedroom and hide them. HA! So he decides he will play some Playstation while I am hiding his keys. This is where it gets bad. This is where I'm surprised I'm still married. I walk out into the living room to find him playing SoCom and...


Do you hear that noise....That one right there, its the collective Oh no she didn't, from every man on the planet.

At this point I'm lucky he hasn't shot me and left me on the lawn for all the neighbors to see. So I do the only logical thing I can think of. I sit on the bed, wait till I hear the game turn on and run back in the living room, shoot him the meanest look I can and I rip out all of the cords again and throw them at him AGAIN. I storm back out of the room, get in bed and go to sleep satisfied that I have won the battle!

The next morning, Rob was terrified to come with in two feet of me. I however was over the night before and all I wanted to do was cuddle and hug and kiss......He didn't know what in the hell to do with me.

**Pregnancy fights: Fights started by emotional pregnant wife with no purpose of meaning. These are usually about something huge like turning the toilet paper the wrong way or having a smelly fart.
***90% of my fights for some reason take place with me in my underwear!


My son started calling me Mommy the other day. I couldn't believe it. I love being called mommy. In fact I couldn't wait to be called that.

I've always been that kind of person who when faced with a problem, knowing it would turn out good, could never take comfort knowing that things were eventually going to be good. Instead I simply stress out beyond reason, and then when things are finally good, I'm so worn down from being stressed I can't enjoy the good.

I'm trying not to feel like that about this pregnancy. I'm really trying to assure myself that even though it is going to be extremely hard having two, that five years from now when they are all grown up, it will be so much easier and sooo worth it. Right now it seems all I can think of are the bad things. I'm terrified that I will have two kids in my bed, when I can barely handle the one. I'm terrified that my little pride and joy Brandon will feel left out or he will act out because he feels like he has been forgotten. I'm afraid that I will have a melt down and lock both of my kids in a closet while I gorge on ice cream (NO I WON'T REALLY DO THIS, i hope). I'm afraid my husband will feel more left out. I'm afraid since things went so great with Brandon that I won't be so lucky this time. What if this baby doesn't latch on right away (Brandon started sucking air when he was a foot away from my boob, because he was so excited to nurse). What if this baby has some health problem. What if I don't like the new baby because I love Brandon so much. What if I don't split my time well? What if this baby is extra calm and Brandon doesn't like it because he is so crazy. What if Brandon hits the baby like he hits the cat, the wall, the door, the dog, people, that thing over there? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF????? Seriously people I'm so afraid of so much.

I'm extra scared I will become so overwhelmed I won't have anymore time to blog. And then where would you all be!!!!

So, I'm trying something new. I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that even though these next 5 years will probably be the hardest years of my life, that someday it will all be worth it, and the decision to have two will be the best decision I ever made.

And also! What if I learned how to use punctuation and put some question marks after my question marks up there. What then?


They think they are pretty clever

I guess since most of my posts lately have related to pregnancy and most of my pregnancy has related to puking, blogger thought it would be funny for my ads this month to be all about anorexia and bulimia! HA HA HA. It took me a good ten minutes while looking at the ads on my page to figure out why on earth they would feel like advertising that on my site. Then it hit me....



The nose hairs of late

I have always been someone with pretty great nose hairs. They were just short enough not to stick out of my nose like an 80 year old man. They were good nose hairs. The kind that you could really get a booger stuck in, you know! They would gently tickle my finger as I shoved it up my nose, to dig for a booger. Basically, my nose hairs have treated me pretty great through life.

Enter pregnancy. As you all know, I'm a vomiter when I'm pregnant. However what you may not have known is that I tend to also have vomit come out my nose. Since all I felt like doing lately is eat spicy food, you can imagine how much it sucks to throw up when your vomit burns your throat. What you can not imagine is how it feels to have said vomit singe your precious nose hairs.

Last week I had a nose full of luscious nose hairs. This week I have an angry, red, singed nose, with no such nose hairs to speak of. Woe is me!



This is our Easter weekend as Brandon tells it

Mom thought she was pretty funny making me wear this.
She made me pose on the lawn for her blogger friends

But in the end I was the cutest boy at the egg hung. I got tons of eggs and had a great time.

Mom didn't even plan for us to all be in yellow but we did anyway...Gosh we are so dorky

This morning, I woke up and I looked outside and this CAR was out there, I was so excited I started running around and around screaming until mom put some clothes on me and took me outside (the car is from grandma and papa)

I got out of the car really fast and collected a few eggs, papa and grandma hid them ALLLLL over the yard

They even put them in my slide, but they couldn't outsmart me I found them all

Look three at once JACKPOT

Wait, maybe I should get in my car and drive to the eggs.

Look out easter eggs here I come

WAIT! there is a giant Easter egg right inside of my car

What is in it?????

YO GOS!!!!!!

WAIT!!!!! There is money in these eggs!


Ooooh a card from Grams and Papa in my Basket

Yeah look at me save my money

Playing with my piggy bank is so much fun

Cha Ching

I want to get every last quarter out of these eggs

You mean there are MORE eggs!

I don't think this was supposed to happen, I went way to fast in reverse and ran myself over!

But I kept on driving after mom picked the car up off my head

Mom left me alone for a minute to go post some photos on her blog and I got a hold of the Easter basket her and dad got for me

What a mess, look I'm watching the new Elmo movie mom and dad got me

What chocolate? I didn't eat any chocolate! Really I swear.


You give a monkey an inch, and he takes the whole thing!

So Ginger and I were just sitting here chatting. Apparently Brandon was upset we weren't paying attention to him!

Look, I got all of my toys out of my toy box...

Ha ha you didn't stop me...Plus I'm really cute

And look! This is my belly!

More bout pets

Forgot I had a bunny that I named Hopper. He was cute. I loved him. He was a he until he had a crap load of baby bunnies who would get out of their cage and dig little burrows in the ground. I had chickens and ducks for a while and their babies used to get lost in the baby bunny burrow holes.

Okay so Lindz asked why I had so many pets. Well! We have always just loved animals, so as long as I can remember we have always had between 2 & 4 cats and at least two dogs. When I was little we lived on this big property and since I was a pain I convinced my parents to build me a big huge giant fenced area and they dug me a pond and that is where we kept the bunnies, chickens, ducks and the rooster.

I also forgot the Mastif puppy my ex and I had, we named him Hooch because he was almost like the dog in Turner and Hooch.

Now that I've moved out I only have Meister and my mom only has Catalano and her two dogs so we are doing better on the pet quota!

Who would ever let me name a child

So I was just over reading Cakerwakers and she was talking about her pets. I must admit some of their names were pretty funny, a dog named puppy and a cat named kitty. It got me thinking about some of my pets names and how they came to be.

The first ones I can remember were Pebbles and Bam Bam.
Pebbles- She came first, I must have been maybe about 4 and I was pretty into the Flinstones at the time.
Bam Bam- He was Pebbles baby so at the time this made perfect sense, although now that I think about it, Pebbles and Bam Bam were more like cousins then mom and baby....hmmmmm.

Catalano- Ahhhh he was named after Jordan Catalano on My So Called Life. Because, he was LIKE TOTALLY THE CUTEST BOY IN THE WORLD! Plus, Catalano had the word cat in it, so I thought I was being extra clever...Not so much

Henry- This was the Beagle dog I had for a few weeks. He was named after Tom Henry the guy I had the HUGEST crush on, and I some how thought that if I named my dog after him he would like me more....That worked huh? NOT!

Fefe- I so did not name this one, she came with that name so I can't held responsible for her poor name

Fluffy- Wait, again I didn't name that one.

Peanuts- He wasn't even supposed to be our cat. We bought him for our grandma and when we took him there she wasn't home so he ended up living with us. I named him peanut because he was an orange cat which to a 3rd grader, orange is totally the same color as a peanut huh! Right? I'm not color blind I swear.

Ranger- This was my lab he was brown. When we picked him up we drove our old ford ranger which was dark brown. On the glove box it said Ranger on it. I thought it made perfect sense brown dog Ranger & brown truck Ranger. Can you see how clever I really am?

Meister. Short for Jagermeister. This one is easy I used to be an alcoholic!


Listy List

Meals eaten today.....3
Snacks eaten today.....2
Deserts eaten today....1
Times puked today......2
Times puke tasted like Mexican....2
Times son had a melt down....786689
Times Brandon went to time out.....6

Hows that now????????

So, that previous post titled oad to Eggos. I DON'T REMEMBER WRITING THAT TITLE! Am I losing my mind, or did some one hack in and title my blogs?


Ode to Eggos

For as long as I can remember I have love Eggos. Not waffles, strictly the frozen Eggo waffles. After I discovered I was gluten free I became extra hesitant to try all that weird gluten free stuff. In fact my mom bought me the bread and the first thing I did was make everyone else taste it. The look on their faces combined with the instant gagging and vomiting told me I wasn't going to try it. Then one day my mom brought me some gluten free frozen eggo like things. I gave em the eye, checked em out, stared em down and tried em. If I cooked it till it was crispy (like an eggo) it was delicious. Now however, I AM ADDICTED TO MY GLUTEN FREE EGGOS smothered in butter and boysenberry syrup! Crap! All I want to do is eat my frozen waffles all day long. Could this be a pregnancy craving?

Not my favorite part of the day

So that pregnancy thing happened to me today. You know that one where you realize you are hungry, and if you don't eat in .5431niner seconds you are suddenly famished and find yourself shaking and starving to the point where you think you might actually melt away. Your muscles start hurting immediately because your so hungry your body is already starting to eat your muscles and you know soon you will be nothing but a pile of skin on the floor. That is, if your stomach doesn't start eating the skin because you are so hungry. Then, you immediately start eating everything in sight to try and curb the hunger only eating seems to just make you hungry. After this point, for the rest of the day you realize you are now a bottomless pit and no amount of food is going to fill the hole you created in this pit now called the baby making machine! You spend your day telling yourself this better be one big ass baby because damn they are eating a lot and sucking me dry.


Some Tuesday randomness

First of all, a lot of you are commenting on the fact that I am pregnant and I wasn't wearing a bra the other day. See, when I wear a bra, my boobs feel great its the second I take it off that I wanna crawl in a hole and die. However, since I spent about 19 months or so wearing a bra every night (I started while I was pregnant since I had so much milk leaking I needed to wear pads during pregnancy) I really really don't want to have to start sleeping in a bra again until I absolutely have to. Also, once the bra is off and they are just hangin there on their own, they really don't hurt since they aren't perky and don't move around much any more. They sort of just sag their on their own. Second, as I clearly stated I was in my jammies. As in the same jammies I had been wearing since about ooo I don't know FRIDAY night and I did put on a bra the one time I did leave the house but it came right off as soon as I got home, since all I really did Sunday was eat, nap, pee, nap, eat, pee and well, nap! And really, who can nap with a damn bra on?

Also Julia finally came out of the baby closet and is telling the world she is pregnant. So here you go, read about her here. I can't believe it because we are only a few days apart. Julia is having what is called a post deployment baby. Which means she got pregnant right after her husbands deployment was over. This makes me wonder, how full exactly the base hospitals are 9 months after a return from deployment! I am so excited for her, because she had the longest year waiting for her hubby to come back from secret classified places. She will soon be moving from Germany to Reno and will only be about 3 blocks from my house!

Last night I peed 4 times. Yes you read that right FOUR! times in one freaking night. As in 4 times from 8:32pM until 5:30AM. Dammit, I got no sleep.

Still no more puking though, so you won't catch me complaining about that. I get a little nauseous around 4PM but that is about it.

Yesterday I had a huge craving for a hot dog, but I didn't have any veggie dogs, or real dogs so I just pouted about it. Last night I craved some good vegetable soup from a can. Only problem is, THERE ARE NO GOOD VEGETABLE SOUPS THAT ARE GLUTEN FREE IN A CAN. This meant I had to suck it up and make a soup. Damn I am a good cook. The shit turned out so good I would have eaten the whole pot if I didn't get full after one serving. It was so good Brandon even liked it.

I forgot to weigh in on the first so I did this morning. I was 164 with sweats on. That isn't bad at all considering I don't think I've eaten less hen 5000 calories a day in the last week. No that isn't an understatement if you realize that just for breakfast the other day I had 1000 calories, then for second breakfast i had about 1500 from burger king, then I threw in three donuts for good measure and then some thai food, and then sushi....yeah I'm doing great on my diet people. Well, great if I was a skinny person trying to get fat! On the bright side the baby doesn't seem to mind one bit that I am eating all this shit!

O right, another little craving. I have been craving lemonade. Only, I crave it until I drink it, but then I hate it, and five minutes later I crave it again. Thats always fun.

The Easter egg hunt is Saturday and I am so excited I can't even contain myself. I got Brandon the most ridiculously embarrassing outfit I could. The outfit is complete with, blue seersucker pants, a matching blue and yellow pinstripe button down shirt and easter egg yellow sweater vest. Oh yes people, my son will hate me when he is 10 and I'm still making him wear this shit to the egg hunts. However, I earn cool points for getting him a super awesome Super Man easter egg basket. Since he can walk this year, he will be the shit at egg hunting and is going to totally kill your kids on who gets the most eggs. I have already taught him to kick, punch and scratch his way to the eggs! Beware moms, my sons meaner then yours!

I keep getting asked if I want a boy or a girl. To be honest I have no clue. This time when I was pregnant with Brandon, I already knew I was having a boy because I dreamt of him, plus I JUST KNEW! This time however I HAVE NO CLUE! No dreams, no give aways (like excessive puking) nothing. And, on the puking note, during my pregnancy with Brandon all I kept hearing was that puking was a good sign meaning the baby was healthy. So as much as I hated puking I can't help but wonder, if my lack of puking means this baby is going to be less healthy? Back to the gender thing. I honestly have no clue if I want a boy or a girl. On one hand, I would love a girl to be girly with and dress up and vomit up pink girlyness with. On the other hand I think darn, I have no girl stuff, I already have a boy room and boy clothes and so on. Plus I would love for Brandon to have a baby brother so they can rough house and play together and be life long pals. So I am really kind of torn. With Brandon I knew I wanted a boy. In fact had they said it was a girl I think I would have been a little disappointed. However, this time I think I will be ecstatic either way. My check book would be happier if it was a boy, and so would the majority of my family. My husbands family would much more prefer a girl, since there are like NO GIRLS AT ALL in that family!

Ummm lets see what other randomness I can spew out! Oh right, Steph is coming to the Easter egg hunt with us, since Rob will be out of town and I will need some sort of back up against all the other mothers after my son totally annihilates their kids on the grass! You think I'm bad now, wait till my son starts playing sports. I'll be that mom that gets in fights with other moms in the bleachers when their son hits my son with a baseball or just because their son sucks and I will feel inclined to shout that he is a crybaby wussy boy who hits like a girl...Yeah that will be me. Future T-ball moms in Reno, I apologize in advance for all the shit I'm going to start at the games. My husband said his mom wasn't allowed to come to games anymore after she started running up and babying him when he got hurt. That will also be me. I am fiercely protective over my little baby. So first I will run over and cuddle him publicly mom cooties and all, then I will go punch whatever little boy hurt my little boy, that, or I'll send my other kid to kick that kids ass so I don't go to jail for harming a child.

I will also be that mom screaming out tired old cheerleading chants during the games like,


Oh yeah, I'm not even scared to pull that one out. Plus if I have a daughter I will probably have to be her cheer leading coach, because cheer leaders are awesome, and I was totally like the best cheer leader there like ever was. Well, when I wasn't busy making out with the football team, or watching guys kick the shit out of each other, or off on a date. Yeah when I wasn't doing all that I was a pretty damn good cheer leader. LIKE! TOTALLY!

Wait just remembered two more great camp cheers,

Mayonnaise, mustard Ketchup (to be sang when some little boy is dragging his ass and needs to catch up to the rest of the all starts)


Hamburgers, hot dogs, hurry those buns (also sang to the slacker jack ass on the team who is afraid to run a little )

Oh yeah, I'm a great parent huh!


PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 6 (we are in pregnancy weeks now)

Okay. I am going to swallow my pride here and take the damn photo. Here are the rules for photo viewing.
1. You cannot comment on the fact that I am so white I look as though I'm related to Casper the Ghost.
2. You cannot comment on the stretch marks that are already their from my pregnancy with Brandon.
3. You really cannot comment on the fact that I look like one of those people who lost 100 pounds and now has a body full of saggy skin to show for it.
With all of that said, I give you my first belly shot.

**P.S. No, I'm not wearing a damn bra, yes those are my jammies, and I'm not entirely sure if I brushed my hair today! Take it as it is people.

Huh, not so sure if I should

So a friend of mine (who will remain nameless until she announces to the world on her own that she is pregnant) is pregnant with me. She is actually about 5 days less pregnant then me we are guessing. Anyway she is already doing belly shots. Problem is, she has this great flat belly so she can do that kind of thing. If I were to lift my shirt and show my belly right now you would all think I was possibly already 5 months pregnant rather then only 5 weeks. Even though I lost a lot of weight, I didn't lose enough to be flashing my belly around just yet. In fact I'm nervous to even flash it at all until about 9 months. Not to mention, this child has already caused me to gain back about 7 pounds (NO JOKE) since I can't seem to give up bread and sweets, which is something I wasn't eating at all for a long time. The odd thing is the bread isn't bothering me near as much as it did. It still bugs me, but not enough to convince me to quit eating bagels, donuts, and sandwiches.

In other baby news, I finally got sick on Friday. Not just a little sick, but sick as in, I threw up all of the things I had eaten that day, which was A LOT since I ate everything I had craved. The worst part is it was while we were having dinner at a VERY NICE Thai restaurant. Its the kind of place where if you don't roll up in an Audi, BMW, or Lexus you will get dirty looks from the other cars in the lot. Imagine that, some hoity toity high falooting placy, and I puke ON! THEIR! BATHROOM! FLOOR! Yeah you read that right. The first time, I made it in the toilet. The second time, not so lucky, all over their beautiful tile floor. (Sorry Thai restaurant)! Oh wait, as thought I haven't grossed ya'll out enough. I chose to eat some extra spicy red curry red chilli sauce stuff, and let me tell you, when I threw up it came out my nose, and I'm pretty sure the spice went right ahead and singed off any nose hairs that may have been in my nose!

Hope you enjoy the mental visual. Have a nice day!

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