9.01.2007

Realization

I'm about to have two boys. Although there are things I fear about this for the most part a lot of these fears were put to rest by this great to revelation I had. I realized that I was a total shit head growing up. I used to booby trap the house to try and trip up my grams. I used to dare my cousin to put worms in grams hair. I could always convince my grams to let me go out with my boyfriends when I was older and she wouldn't be able to tell if they were or were not the boy I told my mom I would be seeing. I could completely destroy my grandmas house and then just leave. Thats when the realization came. Most of my bad behaviors were practiced while I was at my grams house for the weekend. So, if I'm right that means it's actually my parents who are screwed and not me!!!!!! So that means if all goes well my little boys will be perfect angels Monday through Friday and then on weekends they go see grandma and grandpa they will go totally ape shit there and I'll just be at home relaxing. The way I see it, this is totally punishment for all those times my parents tried to ground me. So while I am worried my BOYS will try and clobber each other and that Brandon will throw Codi out of the crib trying to get him to play...I'm totally confident in the fact that all of this will happen at grandmas!

However my not so good realization this week was that some day my TWO BOYS are going to have to get married! WHAT!!!!!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEECH ERRRRRRRRRR! Everything just came to a screaming halt. Let me get this right. I'm supposed to raise these two boys for eighteen years just so some young hussy can come steel them away? I think not! There was this episode of Friends were Monica and Chandler had their babies finally, and when the boy came out Monica said, "I'm going to love you so much no woman is ever going to be enough for you." Thats pretty much the theory I'm running on. This has made everything else seem easy though. First day of kindergarten, pshaw, thats cake to letting some other woman make my sons dinners. The day he gets his drivers license, Puuulease thats nothing compared to knowing some woman will be out there "trying" to do it better then me! So you know, a note to all you baby girls out there, I see you with your sweet little eyes trying to lure my son into your trap by promising him rides in your high fashion stroller and your sippy cup with double chocolate milk. Back off!!! I see you with your powdered butt and your tasty snack foods. BACK OFF MY SON Miss thing!

My final fear is the realization that soon they will be out of first grade and I won't understand their math homework anymore!

So! To all you mommies out there what are your fears for watching your kid grow older? Are they different for boys then they are for girls?

7 comments:

Christy said...

The thing that scares me is knowing that Porgie will do all of the crazy shit I did as a teenager.

Misguided Mommy said...

Christy: This is probably why I didn't have a girl... I was a BADDDDDDDD teenager!

Anonymous said...

ok, this is just hilarious - watch out A and K!
Katie

Cristina Mathers said...

haha! the math homework thing is a big concern of mine too.

and i think for michael the whole dating things freaks him out. when ellie was first born, he told her "hi! you aren't allowed to have any boyfriends." she was like 2 mins old.

Swistle said...

I worry my boys will be stupid and get some girl pregnant in high school. (I don't worry about my girl: I can get her Norplant or something.) I worry that my boys will grow up and I'll never hear from them and I'll hate their bitchy wives.

I worry my girl and I will fight, or that I'll hate the kind of teenager she is.

Jeninacide said...

OMG I actually TOTALLY think about the Math thing- I have like actually times of Fretting over this... Sigh.. I am glad I am having a boy baby so that you will let our kids hang out!

Becky said...

My worries change each year they get older. I have a mix of boys (3) and girls (2). My oldest is just beginning the 5th grade and I'm rather anxious about it all. The peer pressure, the sex, the drugs and alcohol, the sex (oh wait, I said that already) are all worries of mine. And to think, it's only middle school. Imagine what fears I'll face with highschool. I hate the fact that our children are being forced to grow up way too fast. One thing I've learned is to not stress too much about the future (marriage, horrible daughter-in-laws (son-in-laws), moving away). I'm sure you are doing a remarkable job raising your son. (soon to be sons) -Becky

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