Baby blue was the color of her eyes

Or the color of her crazy.

First of all let me start off saying after reading this post I'm sure you are all going to want to send me a bunch of rational reasonable reassuring comments. You should know in advance thought there is no rational when it comes the the baby blues. I'm extra lucky this time I know what the hell is going on with me and I know it only lasts about two weeks so as much as it's fucking with my mind I am at least able to be amused by my own crazy this time instead of freaked the fuck out. So here you go. My baby blues so far.

  • My new baby sleeps 3-4 hour stretches. Wakes up, nurses and is back out. This is freaking me right out man. Brandon slept about ten minutes at a time and only on me. So since I'm used to that I am of course convinced something must be wrong with Codi, I mean a baby can't possibly sleep this much. Even at night. He slept until 11:30, nursed, slept till 2:30, nursed and slept till 5ish nursed and just woke up at 7:30. WHAT THE FUCK! How on earth am I getting this much sleep?
  • Next. Since he sleeps so much and he only nurses on one side at feedings that means that one boob goes 5-6 hours with out being nursed on. I am now of course freaked out this will lower my milk supply so I'm counting the minutes till the breast pump rental place opens so I can run out and get one and start pumping before feedings. How was that for a run on sentence?
  • Brandon has been extra affectionate which leads me to believe he is feeling left out and unloved. Even though he is constantly saying I SO HAPPY and I love you mommy and I love you Codi I love you dada I'm still convinced he is unhappy. I can't stop crying about this. I think he feels less loved or something.
  • Brandon now seems 5 years old to me and I'm sad that my little boy now seems so grown up. I feel like it all slipped by me.
  • I'm sleeping in the babies room right now so that I can make sure this child sleeps in his bed (read Brandon slept in my bed for about 15 months). This means I'm not in bed with my husband which makes me feel like an awful wife and that makes me cry. I know making Codi sleep in his crib is right but I feel like I'm now neglecting my husband.
  • Codi doesn't blink much or follow my finger. I know week old babies don't see well but I'm now convinced my son is blind.
  • Since he sleeps so much I'm convinced he is either sick or drugged up on my Motrin. I'm a terrible mom I should call the doctor because surely no baby sleeps this much.
  • Shit, my boobs are full and he's sleeping. Yup my milk is going to dry right up.
  • I'm trying to eat healthy but I just want bread. No bread makes me cry.
  • Codi has a small diaper rash. Breastfed babies don't get diaper rash unless something is wrong. So of course I'm now convinced my baby is allergic to me. This makes me cry.
  • Crying makes me cry.
  • Brandon goes to see my parents and then asks for mama. This makes me think he misses me. If he misses me he must not be getting enough time with me. I suck as a mom of two.
  • Seriously how much more can I fuuuhreak out about nursing. I think I need more water I'm not drinking enough. My breast pads are full, I'm losing to much milk because Codi sleeps to much. I can't get the breast pump fast enough. Is pumping now going to lower my supply? Will pumping now give me to much of a supply? Why is the lactation consultant not at the hospital today? Why didn't the La Leche girl answer her phone? Really really I've done this before why on earth am I so freaked out?

This is just a teeeeeeny tiny glimpse into the crazy I'm feeling right now! Jen and J. aren't you excited for the baby blues? Jen you will have it worse because you are having a boy, therefor more hormones your body is losing!


Jeninacide said...

Hey- at least you were prepared for this. I am thinking about you constantly. I know you're doing great. Man who woulda thought you could find a reason for NOT wanting your baby to sleep all the time!!?

: )


Keep it up with your sense of humor. It's the best!

Sabrina said...

I know this might not help much, but my baby slept the same way. And she was the best breasfeeder (until 3 months, but I think that was my fault and not hers and the blues will be gone by then anyway). And my milk didn't dry up and she was (is) healthy and happy. Codi is healthy and happy and Brandon is excited to be a great big brother and you are getting sleep so yay. Everything is great.

Heidi said...

You are a good mom. Plain and simple. Remember that. So many moms I know don't care, let alone worry. Keep it up. You are making the right decisions even if it doesn't feel like it.

uumomma said...


Mae Lee said...

I can't believe how rationally crazy you are. The boys look adorable and I am so happy that Brandon loves his brover so much. You are doing a great job. I look forward to you not feeling crazy so you can enjoy the sleep and the fact that you have two adorable kids who actually love each other. I can't wait to meet these kids some day.

Mark & Christie said...

Just a note about the rash (as I freaked out too when I saw that my 2-day old looked like someone had practically set fire to his bottom)... it could be thrush. One look at his bum, and the lactaion consultant said, "Yep, yeast infection." He also had a bit of whiteness on his tongue (I noticed Codi did in his pictures too...). I made an appt. with our pediatrician, and he gave us a cream (to use on little guy's butt and my nipples twice daily) and a liquid med for his mouth. His butt cleared up in like 3 days (I kept using the cream though for the recommended 2 weeks).

Not So Perfect said...

I so remember those days. Your right it is totally the baby blues, and will go away with time. I am so glad you wrote this post because all the things you explained I did too and have never heard of anyone else doing whew....

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