I've been emailing with a male friend of mine today. He is engaged and I am married. That doesn't stop us from flirting up a storm with each other though. It's a safe flirt though. You know every few emails we make sure to mention our significant others to keep it safe. I am amused though at how much he reminds me of me, before I got engaged. I think it is amusing how much I think like a guy. Before I got married, I really wanted to run away. REALLY! Like up until about 15 hours before the wedding I wasn't even sure I would show up. The night before our wedding at our rehearsal dinner he walked me to my car and proceeded to say exactly what I needed to hear at that second. Right then and there I knew I was making the right decision. I knew that since he knew that I was scared without me even telling him, and he knew the perfect thing to say, that this was right.
My friend is going through the same thing right now. We have been talking about temptation and him being afraid that he would give in. I had to explain to him that if you avoid the situation all together you will never know how you might have acted and maybe knowing is exactly what he needs. Sometimes situations present themselves for the sole purpose of helping us find ourselves. What may seem so bad at the time may really turn out to be the best mistake of your life. I have friends now who are married and they are so unhappy. They tell me daily they wish they hadn't have gotten married. However now, they are married and afraid to leave because of kids, or credit scores and would rather live an unsatisfying life. I can't imagine ever living that way.
Before I met my husband I had never been in a relationship longer then 3 months unless you count the 5 years I spent being fuck buddies with someone. I lived for the flings. At the time people thought bad of me for behaving the way nearly every guy behaves. Now those same people who spent their whole lives in one committed relationship or another are sitting there in an unsatisfying place wondering what else is out there. That is the beauty of it, I DON'T HAVE TO WONDER. I know. My little cousins are in high school now and I actually encourage them to date around. High school is the time for that stuff. Its the time to date all the types of people and find out what your type really is. 10 years later when your married is not the time to start wondering that.
I'm about to tell a story I've only told 3 people in my life and I will edit out anything I feel necessary because I can.
Before Rob and I moved in together we had been together for about two years and were kind of just sitting in limbo. I started trying to find reasons to pick fights and really began thinking I wanted to leave. Not because he wasn't going to commit or move in or anything, but just because thats what I did. If things got to good I made them bad so I had a way out. I wanted to move forward and he was afraid. I met this guy at work. He was the complete opposite of Rob. We started talking and flirting at work. I had just lost a lot of weight and Rob never really said anything at all about it. I was coming to work every day and all of these guys were telling me the things I wanted to hear from Rob. Anyway this guy couldn't drive a stick shift and needed to learn how and I got volunteered to teach him. We spent a couple nights doing that and since it was only the two of us we had no choice but to talk. A LOT! I think since he was the type of guy who hadn't been with many girls maybe that is why he fell so quick. The next thing I knew this guy was telling me he loved me and that he wanted to have kids with me and he knew I was the one. Going from hearing nothing like that with Rob to having some guy tell you everything you want to hear can really fuck with your mind. I thought about it so much and decided I was going to break up with Rob. Not to be with this guy but just because I was feeling like there was more out there. We had a trip planned to California and I went with him. I didn't speak to him once on the trip down there. He had no clue I was planning to leave him. The trip was uneventful but on the way back I really started to question all of my thoughts. I started to wonder if I would be happier with out him or if I wanted to be with him even though he wasn't giving me the things I thought I needed. I really started to feel like maybe even thought he wasn't ready, that I shouldn't give up on him yet. That guy started really bothering me and pushing really hard and asking me to do things I wasn't ready to do. He wanted to have sex and be a couple and all I wanted to do was make sense of what was going on in my head. Rob and I weren't talking about moving in at all, in fact he really didn't even know I was pissed that he hadn't asked me to move in yet. One day my living situation got trashed and suddenly I found myself looking for a new place to live. While I was talking to Rob about it his response was "We'll figure it out". I'll never forget that second in my life. I was in my room on my bed, the right side of the bed if you are looking at it and I said, what do you mean WE? He said, well I've been thinking and I think its time we move in together. He said that was why he quit smoking. He was allergic to my cat and knew that he couldn't move in with me if he was still smoking since that, plus the allergy plus asthma would be a bad idea. I was flabergasted. I had no clue he was thinking of that, let alone that he had been thinking about it so long. He had actually quit smoking almost two months before that. At that moment everything clicked. I had that guy fired from our company and cut off all contact with him. He pushed and pushed and the more he pushed it was like he was pushing me right into Robs arms. I don't regret the stuff that happened with that guy because it put me where I am now. Sometimes mistakes are the only way to learn.
Now that I'm with Rob I'm so happy. But that doesn't mean that I don't sit around wondering if I made the right choice, or if he is still happy with me or is he still in love or just there because its comfortable. That is why guys need to show us and we need to show them once in a while that we are still right where we want to be. If any guys read this blog here comes some good advice. WE STILL NEED TO KNOW! We will always need to know. Even if we aren't sitting there wondering, when you do something to show us it will fill us up with so much excitement, you will definitely see the benefits of that. One example would be Emery's husband. They have been married for a while now and one day while he was out of town he sent her this ridiculously amazing video where he had written her all these great things. At that moment SHE KNEW. Or for me. One day this ass face tried to run over me and my son while we were walking, on purpose. When I told my husband, who never ever got jealous or angry all the sudden he was pounding on this guys car door telling him he would kill him. Seeing my husband get all puffed up over me made see how much he loved us. Not to mention it made me way super hot but thats another story. Or how one day he got jealous because his friend flirted with me. Five years and he hasn't been jealous once, and now I'm overweight covered in baby spit and he still likes me enough to get jealous. I wanted to shout at the moon and pat myself on the back. I would give more examples but I really can't. It seems like so many of my friends are stuck in these marriages they don't want to be in, or stuck wondering if there isn't someone better. I have so many friends telling me they feel like they are nothing but a mom. They spend there days feeling inadequate and quit trying. I have one friend in particular like this. She says they barely have sex anymore and she feels so useless. She says that she only stays for the kids and even though she knows he loves her he never lets her know. I am so astonished because I can't imagine living like that. Every few days Rob makes sure to walk by and squeeze my butt. I know it seems silly but I like it. I like knowing he still likes my ass enough to give it a good squish. It makes me happy knowing that he can find me hot, in my sweats, with week old hair, baby boogers, poop and food on me and armpit hair that you could grate cheese on. I think guys take for granted what they have. However at the same time I think so do we. I think that girls go around thinking since guys aren't all emotional and dramatic they don't need to know we are still interested. There are things we can do also. First, if you have kids although letting them know that you think they are great dads is nice, you don't want them to think that that is all we think of them now. A lot of dads start to feel really left out when you have a baby and its important to let them know you still love them. One of the best things you can do, since after all we are talking about guys here, is try something new in bed. Tell them how irresistible they are, because even guys need to know you still think they are hot enough to ravish in bed. They want to know you still love em even with their beer belly. Something else is to find something they love, like video games and computer games and just randomly come home with a new video game that was just released. Or a new gizmo for their computer or game. That way they know you were just driving around that day thinking of them. However, another thing you can do is remember, that even though guys don't verbalize their emotional side like we do, they still want to hear all the same stuff as us. Sometimes sitting down and writing a nice letter telling them how wonderful and amazing they are and how you think they are just like superman and ultra hot and all that shit is totally what they need. Prancing around in a new black pair of non granny panties after you have showered and even put on perfume and maybe even styled your hair for once, definitely lets em know you still care. Oh ya and sexual favors while your on your period makes them really happy. It goes both ways you know.
The other day I had a minor health scare and I started to look at everything around me. I realized just how lucky I was. I also realized that I hadn't taken the time in a while to tell Rob that I know just how lucky I am. I took a second to write him a short note just to let him know how I felt and that he was on my mind. It made the biggest difference. I have gotten extra kisses all week and tons of hugs and I can tell that, it was just what he needed to hear. I am just ashamed that it took my health to make me remember to remind him I love him.
Anyway that guy I've been emailing all day said I'm hilarious but he also thanked me for telling him all the tricks of the trade. I told him he is lucky since most of the time us girls prefer to to just sit around and watch them fuck up so we can laugh at what idiots they are.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 1:48 PM