On my newly found udders....Instead of having my cute little quarter size nipples I now have these huge umm, Pog size nipples. Remember Pogs? I remember pogs, because I'm wearing a pair on my udders!
I was standing in the shower today when I looked up at my little shower caddy and saw a picture of a cows udder staring at me. At first I was baffled. Then I realized that it was in fact my shower mirror pointing down toward my saggy droopy sorry excuse for a left boob. Great. Just great. Now I have cottage cheese thighs, a jiggly fat butt, invisible feet, and cow udders.
From now on just call me mooommy
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 4:00 PM
I've been keeping little reminders in my cell phone of things I want to blog about because last week I thought of five pretty funny things and forgot all five.
A few of the things in my phone were things like how I think its funny waddling around with my big ole pregnant belly in the tampon and pad isle at the grocery store. I wonder if people walking by me are as amused as me when they see me with my jumbo pack of panty liners, or if it's all just funny in my head. Not to mention the time it takes me to buy panty liners now. Seriously, when you have been wearing one two months non stop, those plasticy kind start to chaff and rub your skin off. So now I have to scrutinize every pack to find which on claims to be the softest.
Also have you ever tried to explain to your husband that you have an owwy near your girl parts? The panty liners have caused me to have a giant red rash like thing from where my skin has been rubbed raw. Trying to tell my husband that there is anything wrong near my girl parts results in a look of disgust from him, because apparently our girl stuff and all surrounding areas must all look like and be as soft as tulips and never ever ever have problems. So a mental note to me DON'T TELL ROB ABOUT MY PANTY LINER CHAFFING BUSINESS AGAIN!
Maybe I'll stick to telling him how funny I think it is when people try and race me to get in the line at the drive through at Starbucks. My favorite one was friday when this lady was across the entrance to the parking lot and behind a stop sign. I was maybe 7 feet from the drive through she was probably 40+ feet. It was hilarious. She actually tried running the stop sign to get in front of me. I find it amusing that a person can be so impatient they really can't wait for one extra latte to be made. Knuckle heads. Needless to say I totally beat her there. Feeling all nice and stuff and thinking of Emery I decided to pay for her drink. Never mind I don't have money, and she was driving a new Lexus, I thought hey why not. The sucky part though, is I have no way of knowing if she paid for the person behind her. Darnit!
I've been outside playing with Brandon in the water and stuff. That means I'm in my bathing suit. This poses somewhat of a problem. I haven't been able to see my bikini line for a couple weeks now. This means I have no clue if I'm actually accomplishing when I try and shave down there or I've I'm justs shaving a bald spot on my thigh. We went to the lake yesterday, where I was allowed to sit in a chair and watch everyone else have fun. I wouldn't take off my shorts though because I was afraid there would be a wild jungle growing out of both sides of my bathing suit. Speaking of which, my feet, yeah haven't seen them in a while either.
I got Brandon a set of outside paints. Its pretty cool. We got three colors of paint. Brandon now knows, yellow, blue and piglet (pink). We painted my whole patio plus each other. It was sooo much fun. It was supposed to be a birthday present but I got bored and decided we could use them today!
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 1:04 PM