If I close my eyes and wish really hard, it will all just go away

Normally I try not to spend a lot of time posting about Brandon being bad. Not because he is an exceptionally well behaved child, or I'm embarrassed, but more because I feel like if you have kids, you already are going through this at your house and don't need to read my whining about the same old shit. However, tonight just surpasses any night I've had in a while. Tonight was one of those nights, those nights that was so bad I realized that if I was one of those moms who spanked her kids I would probably have spanked him more then once. I didn't though, because I'm not that mom. Instead I just suffered here in silence. So now, you guys get to deal with me unloading my world of shit on you!

At about 6:30pm my husband left for his softball game. I was making food for my husband to take to work with him tomorrow. He wanted spaghetti. I made it and thought I would give Brandon some noodles to chew on. Instead he thought it would be more fun to climb up on the bar and throw noodles in the sink. I was less then impressed and told him he better eat some or he was going in time out. He ate two noodles.

I give up on him eating, let him down and he goes off happily to play. The next thing I see is naked Brandon in front of me. I say oh do you have to potty. He says no. I go to grab his diaper and realize he has pooped, pulled off his diaper and let the poop roll all over the floor. He then thought it might be fun to reach down and scratch his poop covered ass a little. Nice, now I have poop carpet, poop butt and poop fingers. I stop what I'm doing with Rob's dinner and rush to clean up the mess.

He then climbs back up on the bar, turns on the water and starts shooting me with the squirty thing while soaking the counter.

Finally I put some sauce on the noodles and I put him at the table and told him to eat or he was really going in time out. He took one bite and I walked back into the kitchen. The next thing I see is a bowl of spaghetti with sauce go flying across the table. That was it TIME OUT! He sat in there for a minute before voluntarily said sorry. He got out and I said you have to eat, he said sit down and pointed to the couch. I said fine, lets try sitting there and you taking a bite. (I know I seem obsessed with him eating but he hasn't eaten in almost three days and I think he's either having a growth spurt or is just playing me because he ate those five Oreos just fine today.) He takes a bite and I tell him to eat one more. He takes the second bite chews it up, looks at me, looks down and proceeds to spit red chewed up spaghetti on my white pants. That was it TIME OUT! He goes in there for about 14 seconds before he reaches super ultra depressing sad melt down status and I think to myself, okay maybe he really isn't hungry and that is why he won't eat. I get him out of time out and this happens.

Let me tell you how this went. He threw up that first time there on the left. Then he backed up, threw up again, took a step back, threw up, took a step back and so on, each time watching himself puke and backing up.

It was right around this time I totally lose my shit and realize that I'm seconds from losing my temper. I pick up the phone call my cousin and proceed to do some kind of cross between crying and yelling. As I'm doing this and she is attempting to calm me down he begins to jump all over me as I'm cleaning up puke. He sees me get mad and it suddenly turns into a game.

The next thing I know he is playing in the fucking puke. He is jumping from puke puddle to puke puddle, rolling in it then rolling on me, laying in it then climbing on me.

I swear people, I have never ever been so totally frustrated with him ever. The worst part of all, is that one part of me wants to say, maybe he is having a growth spurt and doesn't feel well and this whole thing is really all my fault for attempting to make him eat. All I know is I'm pretty upset there is no ice cream in my fucking house right now!

Ahem, an ode to Mint fudge covered Oreo cookies

I love you the most for breakfast
I don't even mind the heart burn you give me
I love how you make my burps taste minty fresh
I love that you leave my fingers all covered in fudge so I have something to lick when my cookies are gone
I love the way your smell makes my tummy growl
I love how you make Codi kick all wild and crazy
Oh my dear fudgey mint Oreos how I love you!

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