8.17.2007

Sorry

I know I put up a lot of stuff today, it is worth it to read down. However I don't plan on writing again till Monday so I gave it all to you now. However I did prewrite the next few chapters of my love story so those will still be posted over the weekend!

Taking my cousin down with me again

After my cousin read this mornings posts she reminded me of more stupid ass dumbshit things we did, such as:

  • Before we would call any guy we would write down word for word a script of how the conversation was going to go, including variations if said guy didn't respond the way we wanted. This means most old notebooks of ours that you find have at least one page in them that start out like this...
Shannon: Hi is Tom there (wait for Tom to get on phone, try and stay calm)
  • We used to create theme songs for the local pizzaria down the street from my house...then print them out, create dances and go perform them for the owner Dave (Shannon puts head in hands and shakes it in shame). One of them may or may not have been to the tune of Whoomp there it is. Ginger may or may not have been listed as our manager on one of those!
  • We took an old cheerleading song that I used to love that went our boys are F-I-N-E fine on the L-I-N-E line and changed it to Tom is F-I-N-E fine in his Hanes underwear and I L-O-V-E love him all the T-I-M-E time....sigh
  • We also used to walk down the street singing alright alright alright awesome awesome awesome (have to be a rah rah to know the tune)
  • Also we may or may not have walked down the street randomly going EEEP AAAHH to make sure our voices still worked so in case we were kidnapped we could still scream.
  • We made up the BOOK OF DARES and created different dares with different point values and tried to see who could get the most points. Some of the dares were, put night crawlers in grandmas hair brush, lock grandma out of the house, and so on.
  • When we couldn't drive we tried to scheme ways of getting to see each other, such as me dressing up as a lost baby, putting me in a box and getting mailed to her house and hitching a ride. NICE!
  • We used to make up dances and then make her brothers come out and judge us to see whose dance was better, we would lie and say she was doing mine and I was doing hers so they wouldn't be partial to whose dance they were picking.
  • We used to have coloring contests. We had one the whole flight to Louisiana one time.
  • Once in Louisiana we made a code to tell each other if we liked the other cousin we were meeting or not, It was a thumbs up or thumbs down...real incognito
  • We used to speak in a secret Kong language
  • We used to try and convince these dumbass girls in Truckee that we were twins so we made up a routine when we saw them (they were twins) we would say hi (wave) whats up (point up) then say not wearing the same thing (while wiggling finger back and forth) I (point to our eye) see (making a C with our hands) and walk off. They would stare at us amazed that we could do that.
  • Try and cook with out a recipe and then make her brothers eat our magic cookies. Mine always had about four teaspoons of salt in them.
  • The time Lisa decided to cut my hair and took about an inch round chunk of hair square on the top of my head and cut it one inch long. Then dumped a bottle of hair spray on my head, smooshed it down and tried to tell my mom it was there the whole time!
  • There was the time in Louisiana when the neighbor boys wouldn't let us swim in their pool so we caught frogs under rocks and launched em over the fence into the boys pool while they were swimming.
  • We used to dress up in adult clothes, go to department stores with clip boards and pretend like we were doing quality control.
  • We tried to pay for meals with fake play money
  • We used to go to stores, fill our baskets with school supplies then leave it all there on the floor and walk out.
  • We used to paint pictures and walk around the neighborhood and try and sell them to people. Soon we got really crafty and would find weeds with flowers on them and glue those to paper and try and sell those too!
  • We also may or may not have demolished my grandmas kitchen one time trying to make different concoctions out of every single condiment and then daring each other to eat them..I.E. ketchup covered ice cube dunked in chocolate sauce.
  • We may have had a sip of rum and coke a a party for a doctor and pretended to be totally drunk!
I am embarrassed to know myself right now!

Kylen part Deux

At this point it was my sophmore year. I could drive and Kylen and I were still playing our little game. Actually when I turned 16 I woke up to find Kylen sitting out front at 6am with my mom. I asked what on earth he was doing there and he turned around and kissed me and said that he wanted to tell me happy birthday before anyone else did. I went out there with all my friends for Halloween a few nights later and he grabbed me and ran away with me down the street. He just wanted to be with me in the dark for a while. We then went inside and just laid there and cuddled and truth be told we forgot my friends were even there. Close to this time our friend Paul died. Kylen kind of freaked out a little (read majorly super duper a lot way bad holy shit did he freak out). He started dating Roys older sister Momi. I said cool I'll go away. I had my own boyfriends on the side this whole time anyway. One of my favorite stories about that was the time Kylen was over at my house in my bed with this shirt off watching TV with me. My mom had just left and she wouldn't quit calling the house. I didn't feel like answering so I kept ignoring it. Finally the third time she called I answered and she screamed, SHANNON YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A FUCKING BLOCK AWAY YOU NEED TO GET KYLEN OUT NOW!!!!!! Ding dong. Oops!

I walk to the door and my boyfriend goes storming into the house to find Kylen still laying there not giving a fuck on my bed. He was mad. He took off and I was like okay see ya. Stayed at home and hung with Kylen. Later that day I found my boyfriend, batted my eyes and the dumbshit was stupid enough to believe nothing happened and I was being a totally great girlfriend.

December came and my company Christmas party came. Kylen wanted to go with me. I walked out of school the day before to find Momi parked behind my truck. She informed me that her boyfriend had permission to go, but only because he promised me before they were dating, and that nothing better happen. Oh okay, she was about as retarded and blind as my own boyfriend.

We went to my party, got trashed and fucked all night. Good job keeping an eye on your boyfriend Momi!

This shit with Kylen and I kept going on for the next three years. He went to all my company parties, he was always at my house, my work, you name it he was there. His girlfriend knew but she loved him so much she didn't want to lose him so she kind of ignored most of it.

Junior year I had started dating this guy Justin. Although I thought I loved Justin I knew that it wasn't right. So, I slept with Kylen. We tried to get caught and did. Justin was stupid and forgave me. I kept right on sleeping with Kylen. In fact one day Justin (after the first cheat) was coming to the lake to see me. He stopped off and picked up Kylen and they both came. I thought Justin must have had a mental defect at this point. They stayed there for a few hours, I played the good girlfriend and then they left. An hour later Kylen came back and we fucked in the lake for hours at a time the whole time waiting to get caught. Somehow we didn't.

Eventually Justin broke up with me, and while I was pretending to be devastated I was driving to Kylens and curling up with him in bed at night. I spent Thanksgiving at Kylens one year and damn if that wasn't crazy. This crazy bitch Morgan who was Pauls ex apparently decided she had some sort of stake over Kylen, she got all coked up with her friend Annie one night and parked outside his window watching us screw all night after Thanksgiving one year. When I left she actually followed me halfway home trying to ram me off the road.

The years kept up like this. Every single guy I dated I was never faithful to. Kylen was always there. In fact there should have been a disclaimer...if your dating me please know I'm going to be fucking Kylen too. One of my favorite memories was this time I ditched class to go get some and when I was trying to get dressed we couldn't find my underwear, it seems his dog had snuck in and stolen em and was chewing on em. I had to go back to school pantyless. I still have those undies, these little tie dye blue thongs. I used to ditch class all the time and just go be with Kylen. It was so fun. He taught me how to drive stick the second time around in his brothers bronco, then we had sex in it (sorry Kieth) in fact, we had sex in Momis bronco too (Not sorry Momi).

There were so many times he asked me what I wanted. He would ask me if he should break up with Momi and I always said no. There was no reason to change what we had. We loved it. It worked. When we needed comfort it was there and that was it. One night I remember him taking me to Gardnerville for dinner at a Basque place because I'm Basue. On the way home he took the long way and pulled over on the side of the road and said to me, I want you to remember this spot, this moment in time, this minute, I want you to know I love you. I said I knew and that was that. He has told me a few more times over the years he loved me, and I always reply, I love you too, but we are what we are.

There were times that Momi would call me and beg me to stop and I would say I would but I never could. When things with him and Momi would go bad he would come to me. In fact when ever things went bad with any of his girls he came to me. I know all of his secrets. I know what every girl has done to him after they broke up or he cheated. I know about the girls busting in his door and beating him up while he was sleeping or calling him horrible things, or busting in and sitting on his floor crying. Each time he would leave and come to me. There was one time after Eli, when Kylen and Momi had a big fight and he came to me. He knew I was broken at his time so he wasn't expecting sex or anything like that. Instead he came over, we went to the store, made dinner and spent the rest of the night spooning. He cried to me about missing Momi and eventually passed out. He spent about three days at my house before I convinced him to go work it out.

The strange thing about us, is at one point I flat out told him the sex was done. I didn't want to do it anymore. We weren't careful enough and honestly I never wanted to get into a situation where he had to be the father of my baby. Surprisingly enough he totally understood. We remained friends. He was still always there for me at the drop of a hat, he still always called and cared and we still had a great friendship. It's been nearly 7 years since we had sex and we are still friends. He still calls me at work once in a while to check in or calls my mom. In fact now we email and talk that way. It is strange to go from such a sexual screwing like bunnies relationship to just being friends.

I'm so glad though I had Kylen in my life. It is nice that I had that experience, that time where I was with someone who gave me what I needed and never wanted anything in return. I'm glad I can look back and say I was with the most irresistible guy. I can say he loved me. I can say we are still friends too.

Edited to add: Stephanie just wrote and said she couldn't believe that we had sex in Momis truck. For the record we had sex in hers, his, his brothers, all of mine and then some. We had sex at my high school my elementary school at Washoe lake, in washoe lake, In Reno, in Sparks, my house, his house and probably your house. We had sex most days no less then three times a day. Sometimes three times in a row, sometime times once in the early day on my lunch break, once after school and once at night. We had sex outside at night inside and everywhere else. It is safe to say, if your wondering if we did it there we did, if we did it then, we did...sorry, to be graphic but to avoid your questions, lets just assume that yes Kylen and I did that, there and then and boy was it fun!

Kylen

I mention Kylen here and there but you guys have never really heard about us. I decided along with telling my true love story over there, that I would tell my super lusty sexy story too. Don't worry this one will be short and sweet but I wanna tell it for shits and giggles.

It was freshman year. I was a cheerleader and I was pretty cute and knew it. If I had the patience for scanners I would put up some photographic evidence. I had already discovered this whole dating guys my own age thing wasn't going to work. I also decided I wasn't just going to date anyone I wanted to date the hottest guys in school. There were a lot at my school but the prize, the golden power of veto, the number one Mr. Irresistible himself was Kylen Perks! Aside from his intense amazing smoldering burning hottness, there was something in this guys eyes. Something that screamed hold me, I'm a poor sad lost puppy. If I only knew how lost this guy was. 11 years later and Kylen is still lost.

Anyway I noticed him in passing and I knew I just knew he would be mine. Right around the time I decided he would be mine he went on a 30 day all expenses paid vacation to....ummm...somewhere and everything came to a hault. Not to be deterred I struck up a friendship with Kylens equally hot friend Roy. Roy agreed that Kylen and I were destine to be together. He and I spent a lot of time getting to know each other and he finally decided that as soon as Kylen got back from where he was from he was telling Kylen he had to hook up with me. I should tell you, at this point, I was never ever expecting a relationship with Kylen. I knew no matter what we would have something special and be in each others lives forever but never NEVER a relationship. One look at this guy, one look in his eyes and any smart girl can see Kylen is not that kind of guy.

Kylen returned right about the time school was ending. We played it coy and didn't talk. Then one day I got my year book went up to him and made him sign. He gave me his number and said something like he wanted to spend time with me. A few days later you can't even imagine the immature freak out I had when Kylen called me.

I was at work (our office was at our house at this time) and I had my own phone line. Suddenly it rings.

Shannon: Hello

Kylen: Is this Shannon

Shannon: Yup

Kylen: Umm this is Kylen, oh hang on I have another call

Shannon: Runs down hallway screams as loud as possible throws her self on the floor and screams HE CALLLLLLLLLLED

Kylen got back on the line and we talked for a while. We made some kind of date to meet. I couldn't drive at this point so every time we hung out Kylen was coming and getting me. We hung out A LOT!

We developed this little friendship. We actually both knew a lot about each other and spent a surprising amount of time talking, probably more time talking then sleeping together. I hung out with his family and his brother and I were great friends. His mom loved me and we would sit and talk about me being a vegetarian and so on. Their house always ALWAYS smelled like that Glade sent country garden.

A few times Kylen tried to talk to me about dating. He always asked what I wanted from us and I always said, nothing. Not because I wanted nothing, but because I was smart and knew it would never work. No matter what he thought he wanted it wouldn't work. He proved me right a few months later.



Senior picture...proof I was a hotty

After high school when I had put on some weight but was still a bad ass...this is around the time I met Rob



Another senior pic...more proof I was hot!

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 25ISH

Ooooo look at me being all scandalous and showin off some skin....yikes. Watch out people this momma is no prude!

From the left


Left again with no flash....its getting quite round huh?


From the right


One more inch down and you would see the tattoo!


This one I put up because some one just hadddd to be in the picture!

Taking my cousin down with me

A couple more funny (to us) memories of me and my cousin.

Memory one. Uggg. So this one time we get this brilliant idea to go around to all the mail boxes in the neighborhood and steal the cards and fun looking envelopes.

SHUT UP I KNOW THATS BAD! But it gets worse. We are walking back to her house when my mom comes driving around the corner to pick me up. We see her and we freak out, drop all the cards (we had a lot) in a pile and take off running. So now, we have stolen all these cards, and then just left em so no one ever got to enjoy them. Dummies.

In relation to this story, another day while we were at my house busy playing office we decided to fill envelopes with dirt, address and stamp them and go stick them in the mail boxes around the neighborhood!

Thennnn there was the time we were playing out int he field behind her house and we ....man I'm ashamed to admit this...found this pile of school papers. We got a little closer and realized they were all a bunch of F papers and that some kid had tried to burn those and his report card up. Sooooo what do we do?

Please don't shoot me.

We take the papers back to her house, get out the phone book and call all the people with that last name asking if they had a kid named so in so. We finally found the right parent and proceeded totally tell on this kid even offering to bring the papers to the lady.

Wow...we were huge bitches.

Then this one time during our obsession with being skaters..and fucking idiots we got this brilliant idea to go taking stuff from fast food places. So. We get on her moped and drive down to what used to be called tri state and go into each fast food restaurant and we asked for, a bag, a condiment and a cup of water. For some reason we thought it was sooooo cool to have a collection of random ass shit from fast food places. Lisa kept this crap till she moved out. Anyway later that day we get hungry but we are broke. So we drive up to my grandmas house and we get into her recycling can and we "borrow" some of the money her husband had earned recycling cans (no he isn't broke hes odd okay). We go to the store and decide to buy boxed mashed potatoes, beans and something else.

This leads us to the idea that we are going to make dinner for the family. Problem was, we didn't know shit about cooking. So instead of presenting what should have been beans we presented what turned out to be bean soup! Everyone loved it and we pretended it was supposed to be that way the whole time.

What I should tell you about this day to make sure you understand our full nerdyness is what we were wearing. As I told you, we were all into being skaters so we were wearing her dads size 38ish waist jean shorts with his socks pulled up to our knees and a T-shirt. Yeah we looked hot! Oh yeah and we were riding around on her moped carrying our skate boards. Only I didn't have my own so instead we drove down the street to a kids house, I basically beat him up and stole his skateboard. (That situation turned reallllllllly bad later).

Have I mentioned yet how we used to dress up in matching outfits and choreograph dances? We also came up with names for our group. A few of our names....The awesome dudettes, the cherry bombs, the flaming fireballs (yeah we were flaming alright) and sigh, the 2 Legit to Quit girls. We then used to make signs and invitations and try and charge our family to come watch us dance.

And really to save my self some shame, I'll tell you about our suction cup boobies another time! Also for next time, that time we toilet papered that one girls house on my birthday and then pretended not to know. And also, the time we told everyone we were the presidents daughter, came from England and were very rich and famous...fuck fuck fuck we were idiots. Lisa feel free to throw in some more memories.

Like about how we used to put on fucking magic shows for your dad and brothers!

PAID IN FULL!!!!!!!!!!!

In case any of you were wondering why that time Ginger tried to get rid of me and I wouldn't let her .... I have a good reason.

This is why Ginger has got it totally figured out! Last night I heard my doorbell. I went to the door and I see Ginger (actually I saw her work car and was prepared to start screaming at a solicitor) and this....
You see...Ginger knows whats up! Not only did she bring me an obscene amount of chocolate she also hung out long enough to let me unload my shit hole of a week on her. So after eating a bunch of chocolate and a bunch of whining when she left I actually found myself smiling while I sat at my table eating my cous cous.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!


And also, Katie, that is considered arguing which means you get a penalty of one pint of ice cream. Because I wasn't pointing out the stuff you guys did bring I was pointing out the stuff you didn't. Also I need to give you your check at some point!

Also, I hope everyone reading knows I'm not this big of a jerk and I don't really expect you all to bring me free chocolate and candy this was totally just my lame excuse at comedy. However Ginger earns extra points for totally following through and paying her balance in full.

Also, I now have a bellyache and sugar high at 6am!



Theme song