Dinner a la Brandon

My son just brought me a silver plate out of my pan drawer along with a pan. Here is what followed:

Brandon: Hands me the pan, "here mommy its a prise (surprise)
Me: Thank you Brandon
Brandon: Hands me the pan, "I makea soup, you drink it"
Me: mmmmm this is good soup
Brandon: takes my plate and hands the pan again and says, "more soup"
Me: "okay" then I "drink" some soup
Brandon: You want me to makea some cheese?
Me: Okay
Brandon: Places baseball in pan and brings it to me, "here cheese"
Me: mmmmm
Brandon: Is it hot
Me: yeah its hooot
Brandon: blows on empty pan, says "here you try it"
Me: mmm that is better
Brandon: is it berry good
me: It's very good
Brandon: is it belicious (delicious)
Me: yes its delicious
Brandon: drinks some soup "mmm it's good, it's belicious"
Brandon: turns over pan and starts hitting it "I play drums"

And the winners are.......

Well since only two of you assholes were brave enough to tell me your drunken stories obviously you win. However there is a third winner by honorary mention because I know the story and have decided to submit it for her. Now you guys need to make extra sure to keep up your end of the deal and blog on your assigned day so that I don't fail my NaBloPoMo. On the actual day of the birth I really wanted someone in Reno to post so they could come by the hospital and take pictures and post right away. There for on November 16th my cousin Lisa will be posting. The rest of the winners will be announced this week and their stories will be posted. You will need to leave me the email you want me to send you the guest invite too. Here is her story as told by me.

It was a nice night. I believe my freshman year in college and my cousin and I started to get drunk. (oooooh I have pictures at work that will be uploaded tomorrow for this story). Her then boyfriends friends sister was having a birthday and Lisa and I were all, "fuggg this we are sooo much cooler then them". We were drinking Bicardi Limon and I believe Squirt along with BOONES FARM!!!!!! At this point the party moved to a club and Lisa and I stayed behind because we were going to a super rad frat party. We first turned on Dr. Dre's the next episode and danced around her living room singing la la la la la while doing a really cool hand motion and acting like we were the shit. We then set off to the party. We parked at some garage and we each had a bottle of Boones and were walking to the frat house. At this exact moment Lisa was exclaiming how she was sooo not drunk she proceeded to "trip" on a curb and face plant into the floor. She got up and we continued onto our party. A bottle of Boones later and a shit ton of more alcohol Lisa got into full swing. We ran into these two guys I knew, Ben and Sean and we are talking to them. Ben looks at Lisa and says Whats up? WHACK she hauled off and smacked him and shouted I AM NOT A SLUT! Huh. She must have misheard him. He repeats, "No I said whats up," WHACK she smacks him again. His friend Sean now has to grab him and hold him back from laying her ass out and Lisa gets a smug little fuck you look on her face and stomps off, after taking Bens beer out of his hand and calling it hers. I'm like uggg this girl is out of her mind. I try talking to her and shes not hearing it and is totally off her damn rocker. The next thing I know we have to pee so we go upstairs in the house and go in their bathroom. It is at this time we realize there is no toilet paper so we do what any logical person would do. We use their towels to wipe after we pee. When we finish we walk out the door and down the steps. Only Lisa doesn't walk down the steps she falls on her ass and slides down the steps landing at the bottom into me. I had a boot shaped bruise forever in my leg where she kicked into me. Yeah we looked awesome. So we decide we are going to leave and we bump back into her boyfriends friend who decides Lisa can NOT drive. He is trying to load us into his 4-runner. I get in on the drivers side back seat and Lisa gets in on the passenger side rear seat. Side note- my cousin gets MEAN when she is drunk. Fierce, for no reason she just snaps and goes into fuck you mode. So somewhere between putting her left leg in the car and putting her right leg in the car Lisa snaps. She sees me in the car and loses her shit. She scoots all the way over and shoves me out of the car and tries to slam the door on me. At this point I'm now stuck in the mud and said friend picks me up and puts me back in the car. Lisa is not okay with this and continues trying to shove me out of the car. I tell the guy to take me to my car and Lisa starts yelling "You can't go to my car I won't tell you where I parked," clearly she forgot I had driven there. So he gets me to my car thinking I'm just going to get something out of it. I open the door and whammo Lisa shoves me back out of the car. Grrrr. I get in my car and I'm like fuck this I'm driving home. The next thing I know the guy jumps on the hood of my car and is holding on by my wiper blades as I'm frantically reversing out of the parking lot. He reallly doesn't want me to drive. I finally swerve around a corner fast enough to get him to fall off and I leave them. The whole time this is happening Lisa is screaming "let her go, she sucks I hope she wrecks fuck you," and on and on and on. It was pretty hilarious.

What makes it extra funny is that Lisa had no recollection of any of this the next day and called me like everything was all fine and dandy. I wanted to punch her ass out. To this day Ben still remembers the day my cousin slapped him in the face. He will not let me forget it. He now thinks I'm a little crazy for being related to her.

So, Lisa's entry submitted by me wins her the first post (also because she is in Reno and I already know she will be in the hospital that day.)

Coming tomorrow Jen and Lindsey! So, Lisa, Jen and Lindsey please send me the emails you use to log in so I can send you an invite to be a guest blogger. Thanks a million!

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