Brilliant things I've done this week

  • Filled my sons stocking with goodies, then hung it in plain view of said son
  • Filled stocking with unwrapped loose balloons and thought son would simply not touch them
  • Left extra pack of unwrapped bubbles on counter in plain view so son saw them before Christmas morning
  • Bought Christmas stocking that since songs in Tigger voice with easy to push button to turn it on
  • Decided that making macaroons at 9:30 at night wouldn't be a problem, and that I would only eat one or two of the chocolate chips I was using to dunk them in.
  • Realized if I didn't stop eating said chocolate chips I would be screwed because it is to late to go to the store to find more.
  • Listened to that weird Josh Groben guy on Rachael Ray (why would I torture myself, I hate Christmas music)
  • Thought that shooting at my two male cousins with two measly balls in the giant ball pit shooting range wouldn't make me a target...tell that to my eye, my nose and my head (all got hit dead on by little nerf balls)
  • Thought my son wouldn't see those marshmallows there on the top shelf of the pantry..I NEED MUSHMELLOWWWW MOMMY
  • Assumed my son wouldn't poke holes in all his Christmas presents and try and unwrap them
  • Believed that Brandon really wouldn't touch the ornaments on the tree just because I politely asked him not to
  • Assumed that when I was told I was ordering something that was 2 x 3 it would really be 4 x 5 and not show up to be the most miniature tiny Christmas present I ever saw...now having to reorder gifts and give them a few days late after handing out wee little "sample gift" and telling people they sent me samples to preview for approval!
  • Assumed I could really go Christmas shopping at the mall with out buying more crap for my kids
  • Assumed said crap would actually make it under the tree rather then having me open it and put the new shoes on their feet RIGHT THIS SECOND because dammit all to hell, new Van's are to damn cute.
  • Assumed that I would get any sort of sleep in the next 5 years!
  • Assumed I would stop eating the fucking chocolate chips by the end of this post!
  • Assumed I wouldn't wish I could stop typing so I could go get more goddamn chocolate chips

So tired...and so in love with my husband.

Last night was my company Christmas party. Instead of doing the normal thing this year, we went to Outback and then walked next door to the kids bowling place and inside super jungle gym thingy. It was so awesome. The kids played for hours and then we all bowled. We didn't get home until after midnight and seriously people midnight is WAY! past my bed time.

Anyway more about last night. I bumped into two exes last night. One of them was with his girlfriend. The night started out good, while I wasn't near he went over and said hi to my mom and gave her a hug. Then when I came back he got all attitudy because after years and years he still wants to hate me like a child. The situation was pretty awkward because for reasons unknown to me they chose to sit very close to where we had been sitting for some time now. Things seemed to be going okay until my mom started taking pictures of all of us. She took a picture of Codi and I, of Rob, of my uncle, of the kids in the giant jungle gym thingy and then she took a pic of my aunt and her daughter (they were sitting basically in front of the ex so if they hadn't of been in the way the picture would have been of the ex and his girlfriend). About this time I noticed my ex in the background with his cellphone taking a pic of us. I knew he was up to no good, and since I knew my mom had a few drinks and was feeling frisky I shut my mouth. Then she took a picture of just my cousin and she looked up and saw him with the cell phone. Thinking things were okay since he had hugged her earlier she playfully flipped him off for the picture. He suddenly started shouting for her to grow up. Suddenly things escalated. My mom walked over there laughing and smiling to show him the pictures on her digital camera were actually all of family. He started shouting that he didn't want to see her fucking camera and then he just blew up. Clearly even though he was there with kids and family near he was very drunk. He started telling my mom that her daughter (me) was a fucking bitch, that we were all trailer trash, that we were garbage, and on and on and on. I was just sitting there with Rob and my son in his Moby stunned. All I kept wondering was how on earth is this guy still so hung up on things so many years later. Then I looked over at Rob and in an instant I was flooded with happiness. Sometimes it takes a terrible thing to make you really appreciate the things in your life. All of the sudden I realized that I could have still been with that guy, that I could have been his girlfriend and I was so relieved I wasn't. I found a new respect for Rob. I married this amazing guy who went to a kids place and went in the jungle gym and played with all the kids instead of just sitting there drinking and becoming a belligerent asshole. I realized that Rob has no enemies. The I can't think of a single person he doesn't like or that doesn't like him. It takes a special person to say they have not one single enemy or person they dislike in the world. I realized that my husband would never never shout at an adult like my ex did. That he would NEVER call someone a fucking bitch in front of her children and that he would NEVER EVER behave that way in front of his own kids. He would never make a scene like that. I realized that he is friends with every one of his exes. In fact so am I. I realized that my husband is a man and not a child who is capable of growing up and moving on. As I sat there quietly with my husband just holding my hand, both of us watching the mess in front of us unfold, I was increasingly overwhelmed with love for him. I realized that I married someone I would never have to be embarrassed of. In that moment it reaffirmed everything that I knew on my wedding day. It reminded me that I married someone that I can't wait to grow old with, I can't wait to spend my whole life with him. I realized how much I learned from him. 6 years ago before meeting him, I would have gotten involved in last nights fight. But after knowing him, and seeing how he handles situations, and how he has RESPECT for people, I reacted differently. Instead of getting involved or letting it affect me at all, I simply sat there, kissed my son on the head and went about my night. We continued to have an amazing night, and for the first time in a lot of years I was able to walk away from the situation feeling like an adult, and feeling like the biggest person. I have to thank my husband for that. I have to thank him for making me stronger and better. I am so happy that I didn't end up with that other guy. I realize now, that marrying him would have made me meaner, bitchier, and weaker. I think everything in life happens for a reason and I really think last night happened for a lot of reasons. It happened to open my eyes and make me fall in love with my husband all over, and it also confirmed some recent personal decisions I've made in my life.

I rarely get all sappy about Rob and I because that isn't who I am. But there are times when even the most unmushy person has to really just stop and appreciate the person in her life. My husband is amazing. Every night, while I'm busy with Codi, he puts Brandon on the potty, puts him in his jammies, gets him ready for bed and puts him to sleep. Every single night since I've been pregnant when Brandon woke up in at 10pm 1am and 3am Rob gets up with him. He never complains, he just does it so I don't have to. He straightens up the house all the time and does all the dishes. He folds my clothes if their in the dryer. But he does other things too. Tonight I needed parchment paper to finish some baking, and although he had just walked in the door from picking up Brandon, he turned around and went to the store, not because I asked him, but because he didn't want me going out alone after dark. When we walk down the street he always walks on the side closer to the street to protect me. When I was in the hospital and I had just had Codi, they kept screwing up my food. Although Rob had already left so many times and it was so late at night and neither of us had any sleep, he left and went and got me dinner and never said a word about it. He puts lotion on my feet after every shower because he knows I HATE the feel of wet feet. He gives Brandon a bath or shower almost every time he needs one, and helps me with every one of Codi's baths. Not because he has to but because he wants to. He makes me coffee in the morning if I've forgotten the night before. He lets me know what he is doing through out the day always. No matter how much it drives him nuts and he says I'm being like his mom, he still lets me know when he is off work, or at the store or going out, or on his way home. He lets me know because he know it keeps me from going crazy and he respects that.

There are other things I've learned from Rob. We don't actually say I love you every day. When I met him I thought you had to always say it. Then one day he told me that for him, its not quantity its quality. For so many people saying I love you becomes simply routine. With us though its any thing but. He tells me he loves me at the most random times. In passing in the kitchen, cuddling on the couch, leaving for work, while we are folding clothes. Now, every single I love you I hear from him means a 1000 times more to me then hearing it every time we get off the phone, and every morning and every night, and every time we say good bye. However, Rob never leaves the house with out kissing me goodbye.

Rob knows I'm half (okay 2/3) crazy and he gets that. He understands it and leaves me to my crazy. When it happens he asks if I'm okay, what he can do and then he leaves it. He doesn't push me, he doesn't force me to get over it, he simply respects me. Then if he asks what I need and I tell him, he does it. If I want ramen he makes it, and he makes it with all 7 extra steps that I require. He knows I'm terrified of dogs and he will stand between me and any dog with out me even asking and if we are at someones house with a dog, he plays interference with out the people ever knowing that I was uncomfortable. When we go to dinner he knows I'm only drinking water and tea right now and not soda. He knows that I don't like to eat at other peoples houses and he will always make excuses for me so I don't have to. He knows I don't like being hugged or touched, and if I'm to shy or nervous to tell people, he will do it for me, with out me even saying it. He can look at me in those moments and tell I'm not okay and he fixes it. When I get worried about my kids or freak out over bridges or ask him a hundred times if my son is okay while he watches him, he never says a word about it. He lets me freak out, knowing it makes me feel better and no matter how much it drives him crazy, he lets me be who I am.

I know most of this seems small or stupid, but to me, its huge. It's huge to realize that if I hadn't been careful, or someone higher wasn't looking out for me, I could have married something awful as opposed to marrying someone amazing like I did. A lot of people would tell me that I should be aware of my husbands amazingness daily. But in reality the truth is, in every relationship, you sometimes tend to take things for granted. Rather then appreciate the little things you instead start to consider them normal requirements. I realized last night that I had fallen into that spot lately. I've been taking Rob for granted. I haven't been stopping to appreciate him as much lately. Like I said last night happened for a reason. To wake my ass up and remind me of what I have. Remind me of how lucky I am. Because really, I am so very very lucky. I think so many people only wish they could have what I have. To be honest I wish everyone could have a spouse like I do. I know my husband reads my blog periodically now, but I don't know if he'll ever read this post. However, if he does, I hope he knows how much I love him, and I appreciate him every day. And now, well, rather then taking him for granted, I'm going to stop and smell his neck more often, and kiss him good night more, and really just appreciate how lucky he has made me.

So while last night may have seemed like a disaster to everyone else, to me, well it was a blessing in disguise.

Theme song