1.13.2008

Subtlety

As a parent there are many things said to you that really drive you crazy. Most of those things are said right to your face. Things like:

  • When my kids where growing up...
  • You really shouldn't...
  • I heard....
  • You should do it this way
But, there are also things that aren't said directly. Those are the ones that bug me the most. I've been encountering this a lot lately. However I've been encountering this the most at work. I hesitate to write about this because you never know who is reading, but at this point it is driving me nuts.

Here is my favorite examples,
"Oh look how cold your little feet are, your mommy didn't put any socks on you."
"Oh your wearing that funny shirt again that rides up funny, I know that bothers you huh."
"Oh your mommy has you upside down to help you fart. Isn't that weird, yes look at you, your upside down." (He was actually on my knees with his head tilted town about an inch so I could push his legs up to help him fart.)

This shit drives me batty people. If your going to tell me I'm doing something wrong, tell me. Don't tell my 8 week old in front of my face knowing I'll read between the lines that you think I'm being a fucking moron. I don't understand why people do that. Obviously they know that I hear them, obviously I'm smart enough to figure it out, so why beat around the bush like a scared little bitch. Instead of saying, wears your jacket little one, just say Hey Shannon I think your kid should have a jacket. That way I can have a chance to respond that no it's a hundred degrees in my car, he's fully clothed and under a bundle me, a jacket would give him heat stroke.

So a word to the wise. If you think your mommy friends are fucking up, come right out and say it to their face, that way you at least give them the option to say back in your face, GO PARENT YOUR OWN KID AND NOT MINE! I'm doing just fine thank you very much! Because what I've noticed, is most of the time those people are telling you what your doing wrong, they have their own kid at home. However, their kid is usually some total screw up who they see nothing wrong with. Obviously lady your way isn't working or your kid wouldn't be sitting at home with their thumb up their ass being a lose piece of shit.

For those of you moms who encounter this, from now on try handling it like me.

"Why yes Codi you are upside down huh cutie wootie smootzie, thats because your mommy did the research and read and learned what to do to help you relieve the gas, isn't that right lovey dovey moopie pie, your mommie is doing whats the very best for you isn't she, isn't she, yeah, you like being upside down because mommy is making your belly feel better. You love your mommy because she takes the time to read books and research and learn all about you, sweetie baby dearest!

THAT WILL SHUT THOSE FUCKERS UP HUH!

8 comments:

Em said...

I hate that shit, my mother of all people is the worse and when i tell Billy off she alwasy comments and all i remember he doing when i was a child was bollocking me! Hypercritical!!!!!

I agree shut up and mind your own!!!

Not So Perfect said...

I could not agree more. People do this to me all the time. I have been trying to come up with a line to say that works for everything. I mostly get this about developmental milestones. And yes the jacket thing, I try to please everyone. One family member thinks I dress Ella too warm the other thinks I dress her too cold. I have a lot of people in my life who tell Ella things when they are trying to tell me something. She is getting older now and understands what they are saying and some things are just not nice. to say to a toddler.

After saying that I really hope I have never done this to anyone, because I realize how awful it feels.

Christy said...

That is irritating. Of course, I never leave the house, so I don't have to deal with other people - thank god!

Patty said...

I loved your response!

Kat said...

I would totally lose my shit over that and I mean totally.

Mae Lee said...

Ha! That is hilarious. I think your answer is perfect. There is no better way to fight passive aggressiveness than with a lot more of it and a lot more obvious. Great! I must remember this for when I have kids. Perfectly bitchy.

Lainey-Paney said...

unsolicited advice...it's worth about as much as you paid for it: zilch, zero, nada.

Eva said...

I must confess my husband and I "talk" to each other through the kiddos all the time, as in, hmm, daddy didn't snap up your snaps, did he? or, Mama let you eat a piece of tape. We're trying to stop, but it's such an easy habit!

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