Because I'm married to a second grader

Rob: What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

Me: Uhh they can both deliver you in 30 minutes or less

Rob: No, they can both smell it but aren't allowed to eat it.

Me: Ewww

Rob: He he

Thanks babe, I could not have gone on in life with out you sharing that little gem with me!

Do any of you know any good jokes? If so let me hear em! The winner of the funniest joke will get a spotlight post on my blog!


Steph said...

That's awesome!!!!

Sarah said...

Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist?

A: A Manila envelope!


Cristina Mathers said...

there once was a mother who woke up to no crying babies because her husband had gotten up with them, fed them and got them ready for a day out so that mommy could sleep in, get a pedicure, massage and go shopping. then she would enjoy a nice gourmet meal, some good wine and fabulous chocolate dessert. then she'd take a nice bubble bath and go to bed....

get it?

that was the joke.

Coffee Slut said...

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.


Heidi said...


Okay I am still thinking, but can I say how FN funny these jokes are!!! Great post.

Patty said...

There was a lady who owned a parrot and the parrot spend her days on the balcony. However this parrot would curse out all the neighbors as they walked by the house. The lady was mortified and embarrassed by the parrot. SO she warned...

Lady: Listen Lola, I'm going to punish you for cursing at the neighbors.

The parrot kept going and cursing at everyone on a daily basis. Finally the lady got fed up and chewed up some gum and stuck it on the parrot's tushy. Since the parrot could not relieve herself the parrot's belly got bigger and bigger.

Lola: I promise not to say bad words anymore. Please take the gum out.

Lady: No! I warned you. You are going to have to behave.

Lola: Please! Please! I PROISE! I PROMISE!

Finally after 3 days the lady gave up and removed the gum. The parrot was thrilled and she was let back out on the balcony just as a pregnant lady walked by and she said:

Lola: Hey Lady tell you husband to remove the gum from your ass already!

Hee! Hee! I heard it Spanish so I hope the translateion is still funny!

angie said...

Um I think Cristina's joke should win...I laughed hysterically reading about the husband too funny!

Here's a joke that Dave told me the other day that he was rather proud of...

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

No I can't get hard right now I just got laid!

I too live with a second grader!

Christy said...

I don't know any good jokes, but Coffee Slut's is HILARIOUS.

Rachel said...

Your the best!! And so glad you and Rob have each other. You rock momma

Laura said...

A horse, a priest, a penguin walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says,"What is this? Some kind of a joke?"

Lindz said...

What do parsley and public hair have in common?

You push them both to the side and keep on eating!

Shannon, I thought you'd appreciate a vulgar one.

Jennifer said...

dang. These are funny. I can't top them. But I'll tell you one *I* thought was funny.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

My balls are frozen.

Misguided Mommy said...

sarah: i don't get it

cris: still laughing over this one

coffee slut: you are naughty

patty: so i had gum upmy butt thats why im fat

angie: yes you are right dave is also 2

laura: i love it, thats the kinda joke i can actually remember


Misguided Mommy said...

jennifer: your cute!

Lindz said...

Here's the muffin joke courtesy of Maxim... this joke has been retold by my friends and I for ages and might only be funny because we first heard it when drinking and since think it's hysterical.

There are these two muffins baking in the oven.

One muffin says to the other muffin: "Gob damn it's hot in here."

The other muffin looks at the first muffin in shock and exclaims "holy shit! It's a talking muffin!"

This one is all in the delivery, folks and yes, I know it's lame but that's what makes it so good.

P.S. Love the egg joke.

uumomma said...

why did the avon lady walk funny?

cuz her lips-stick

uumomma said...

joke number 2:

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.
People are running frantically, trying to figure out
what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper
to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One
strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front
of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.
Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food
from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two
homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says,
"Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"

Misguided Mommy said...


uumomma said...

my mom is very proud.

it is the part of me that is not so much UU.

Cristina Mathers said...

oh my gosh, i wait to show umommas joke to m.

Misguided Mommy said...


uumomma said...

Unitarian Universalist...
my jokes are not very PC and the UU church is VERY PC.

Not So Perfect said...

I can NEVER remember a joke so I was waiting for Quentin to get home so he could tell me a few and I could post them on here.

So he got home he told me a few, really DIRTY ones (he works in construction). And now I can not for the life of me remember them.

I told him the parsley, the drug dealer one and Mather's joke and he laughed. I practiced really hard.

I think there should be catorgories, like most creative and best dirty joke, most kid friendly etc. They are all so funny I don't know how you are going to pick a funniest.

Misguided Mommy said...

Shawna: catagories are a great idea.

UUmomma: Now that I know what the UU is you are REALLLLLY NAUGHTY! I love it! You fit right in here!

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