3.12.2008

Easter 1 Shannon 0

You may all remember yesterday when I broke up with Easter. I asked for a divorce and said look Easter you can have the house but I get the kids! Well today, that little shit got me back. He threw me one last fuck you. Clever little shit that Easter is.

Today I went to the store to get some stuff. Eggs, yogurt, apples, cheese, oranges, do you see a pattern? HEALTHY GOOD DIET FOOD! So. I'm walking to the lotion and soap isle to get some stuff for the boys in the house (my froo froo stuff could never be purchased at a lowly grocery store) when I pass the Easter isle. I smuggly glance over and think, HA HA EASTER I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU WON'T GET ME THIS YEAR! I head toward the check out and I pass the same purple bag from yesterday. Zooom. Past it I go. Left it in the dust. However I do spot a display for the new Bee Movie and think I'll pick it up for Brandon since he hasn't gotten DVD's lately. I finally head to the check out and the checker is like hey Becky Bagger can you go grab the free candy that goes with this movie.

Can you guess what the free candy was?


Fucking Easter. He thinks he's soooooo smart. He knew that I couldn't just leave behind FREE candy. He knew that I would hear the word free and come crawling back to him just this once. He knew if he dangled that sexy purple bag in front of me and offered it to me for free I would forgive him just one more time. I gave in. I let down my guard and I opened my heart back up. I snatched the bag out of the checkers hand so fast I saw smoke politely told the cashier thank you and left with my groceries.

I walked to my car staring at the bag. I stared at it as I loaded it up and I stared at it through the rear view mirror the whole way home. He knew what he was doing. It was like candy four play. Look at me baby, I was free and I come in a shiny bag, come on Shannon you know you want to eat me, he said softly in a come hither crinkle of his plastic bag. I got home and I stared at that little fucker some more.

Fuck you shiny purple bag of goodness

I decided that Easter wasn't going to screw me again. This time that little fucker wouldn't win. So go ahead Easter start singing your new theme song Na na na na, na na na na na hey hey hey GOODBYE! Fool me once shame on you fool me twice IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN SUCKAH!!!!

So in conclusion, I now have one free bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs that will go to the first person to comment who can correctly tell me who taught Superman how to fly wins!

Tuesday Tummy Tuck members need not apply YOU WILL NOT WIN.

15 comments:

Lindz said...

I don't know who taught Sman to fly but it could be the kryptonite. Regardless, Easter is a sneaky bastard. Way to stay strong.

Mrs. F said...

I have no idea who taught Superman how to fly...and I think those eggs have too many Weight Watchers points for me...considering the fact that I tend to make the whole bag into one serving.

In other news, your face is getting super skinny(and hawt)!!! Good for you!!!

Anonymous said...

Wasn't it black lightning?
though my 7 year old says the sun did....
Grant's Mommy and sister(well one of them)

Dyan said...

Shannon I really miss your sense of humor... god, your story made me laugh only because I would've have been JUST as pissed.... Be strong girl friend!!! :)

Not So Perfect said...

OMG you look so skinny!!!

Blogversary said...

I had a similiar experience with those nasty Peeps.

Ginger said...

Ha, this is great. Good for you for not eating those things! They are evil little candy coated pieces of evil!

Patty said...

I think that is a trick question! Since I can't win anyway I will tell you my theory.

Didn't he just teach himself? Wasn't he in a field and just started running and TA DA hey I can fly too?

I really can't remember the 1st Superman movie, Lois & Clark and Smallville all have a different spin. Let me know what the correct answer is.

Good for you for not eating the candy. I hate Easter candy anyway...if I'm gonna cheat I'm going for Godiva chocolate.

Jennifer said...

Yeah, I think it was Black Lightning. Too bad I wasn't the first to say it..cause I'm prego and would LOVE free chocolate!! hahaha!

Misguided Mommy said...

I will give you all a hint, none of you are right and none of you are even close!

Christy said...

Your face looks so thin! I am truly impressed by your willpower. I have ZERO willpower, and I surely would have eaten the candy.

Lover of Life said...

I've been having a similar battle with the easter mini peanut butter cups the realtor left next to her handouts for our house. How did she know they were my favorite? I have had to put them in a drawer unless the house is being shown. :-(

I thought I was free of Easter candy now that I don't have any little Easter baskets around!

Dianne said...

No one taught Superman how to fly, he was born with the power.
Hey girl, you are looking so thin!
Maybe a couple of those eggs wouldn't hurt.
Coffee Slut's sister

Heidi said...

No idea who taught Superman to fly. (you could have asked an easier question, that is, IF you really wanted to give away that bag of candy, lol) I was thinking Easter would be good w/o candy and maybe do breakfast instead. I love breakfast. Way to tell that bag of candy who's boss.

Mom said...

Omg! I know this one your are so silly. Black Lightning (played by Sinbad) claimed he taught Superman how to fly but really it was your dad. He says it all the time "I taught Superman to fly" Ginger you should have gotten it.

Theme song