lets vote

Here are the rules

  1. Pick the joke you like the most and leave a comment with the name of the person who left the joke
  2. The person with the most names in my comment section wins
  3. If you are anonymous you must leave your name so I know who is voting
  4. You can't vote for yourself
  5. If you have a joke that you think is funnier, or raunchier or awesomer then any of these leave it in the comments and I will post it on here to be voted on.
Sarah said...

Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist?

A: A Manila envelope!

Cristina Mathers said...

there once was a mother who woke up to no crying babies because her husband had gotten up with them, fed them and got them ready for a day out so that mommy could sleep in, get a pedicure, massage and go shopping. then she would enjoy a nice gourmet meal, some good wine and fabulous chocolate dessert. then she'd take a nice bubble bath and go to bed....

get it?

that was the joke.

Coffee Slut said...

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Patty said...

There was a lady who owned a parrot and the parrot spend her days on the balcony. However this parrot would curse out all the neighbors as they walked by the house. The lady was mortified and embarrassed by the parrot. SO she warned...

Lady: Listen Lola, I'm going to punish you for cursing at the neighbors.

The parrot kept going and cursing at everyone on a daily basis. Finally the lady got fed up and chewed up some gum and stuck it on the parrot's tushy. Since the parrot could not relieve herself the parrot's belly got bigger and bigger.

Lola: I promise not to say bad words anymore. Please take the gum out.

Lady: No! I warned you. You are going to have to behave.

Lola: Please! Please! I PROISE! I PROMISE!

Finally after 3 days the lady gave up and removed the gum. The parrot was thrilled and she was let back out on the balcony just as a pregnant lady walked by and she said:

Lola: Hey Lady tell you husband to remove the gum from your ass already!

angie said...

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

No I can't get hard right now I just got laid!

Laura said...

A horse, a priest, a penguin walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says,"What is this? Some kind of a joke?"

Lindz said...

What do parsley and public hair have in common?

You push them both to the side and keep on eating!

Jennifer said...

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

My balls are frozen.

Misguided Mommy said...

jennifer: your cute!

Lindz said...

There are these two muffins baking in the oven.

One muffin says to the other muffin: "Gob damn it's hot in here."

The other muffin looks at the first muffin in shock and exclaims "holy shit! It's a talking muffin!"

uumomma said...

why did the avon lady walk funny?

cuz her lips-stick

uumomma said...

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.
People are running frantically, trying to figure out
what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper
to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One
strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front
of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.
Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food
from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two
homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says,
"Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"

(UU please leave me your link I'm posting this at work where I don't have my links)


Not So Perfect said...

OMG this is just way to hard. And I know I am not making this any easier on you they were just all too good. BUT:

Cristina should wins my vote for most creative. I am pretty sure she made this one up all on her own.

Angie and Jennifer tie for the cutest.


Lindz and Uumomma tie for most wrong in the right way.

Babba Unknown said...

They are all soooo good!!!!

But I like Cristina's.... I was laughing hysterically!!!!

Christy said...

NO WAY! Coffee Slut's joke is definitely the funniest. DEFINITELY!

Heather said...

coffee sluts made me choke on my own coffee. ;)

Dyan said...

Thanks for the support.... yeah, losing weight is definately for me.... but I feel like it's a race to do it before the babies come in 2 years... I dunno. Glad to have folks who know what it it's like...

Mrs. F said...

Oh geez, this is hard. Patty and Angie both get my vote.

Dianne said...

All the jokes were great but my vote goes to Coffee Slut.

Ginger said...

I'm torn between Lindz's parsley and public hair joke and ummomma's joke about the hind-lick manuver...ahhh, they are both so funny!

Cristina Mathers said...

Coffee slut had us laughing hard over hard.

Coffee Slut said...

I vote for uumomma! That cracked me up!

uumomma said...

i dont know what you mean by link....you mean my email?
i like lindz joke

Misguided Mommy said...

uu: your blog link or website

Heidi said...

Wow this was so hard, but I am voting for Coffee Slut.

Theme song