3.19.2008

Mortified

Remember earlier I mentioned that my husband was being a turd this weekend.  Well I wanted to tell you my favorite story from this weekend.


Sunday morning we all wake up.  Rob eats breakfast and he heads of to take his morning dump.  All the sudden Brandon starts jumping around that he has to go to the bathroom.  So I tell him to go and make sure not to pee on the floor.  He starts bouncing around and I ask what's wrong.  He says daddy is in his bathroom.  So I say okay go in daddies and be sure to keep it in the toilet.  I put Codi down and go in after him. He pees and flushes and then I give him his undies and pants to put on. Then I go potty flush and we leave.  

About 15 minutes later I ask Rob something and he being total short with me.  I was like babe what's your problem.  He said he was annoyed because I didn't go in the bathroom with Brandon.  
Me:  Uhh yeah I did
Rob: Did you wipe him
Me: There was nothing to wipe
Rob:  Come on Shannon it smelled like shit in there, why don't you just say you didn't go in
Me: Because I did go in
Rob: Babe he was in there flushing the toilet a few times and it smells like poop, so if you didn't even know he pooped you couldn't have wiped him
Me: **Becoming VERY annoyed**  I did go in there Rob and he went pee and he put on his undies and pants and flushed
Rob: Shannon it smells like shit in there
Me: OMFG I WENT POOP CAN YOU LEAVE IT ALONE ALREADY I POOPED AFTER HE PEED THATS WHY YOU HEARD THE TOILET FLUSH TWICES (wanting to crawl in a hole and die a long death because I DON'T ADMIT TO MY HUSBAND I POOP)
Rob: **Busts out laughing**  All you had to do was say you shit
Me: NOOOOOOO Because then you would know I poop, and stop saying Shit
Rob: But you do poop
Me: You should have just trusted me and dropped it.
Rob:  You should have just said you pooped
Me:  Omg stop talking about how I pooped lets just drop it now.
Rob: **Still laughing** But you did poop
Me: STOOOOOOOPPPPP I DON'T POOP
Me: You sooooooo owe me an apology for thinking I didn't go in there and then not believing Me when I said I did
Rob: Okay, I'm sorry but you should just say you went in and shit
Me: Aggggggg shush
Rob: I could smell the shit
Me: I know but if I sprayed then you would have heard that and then you would have really known I was in there pooping so I didn't spray because I didn't think you would be in there sniffing the bathroom
Rob:  Just laughing at me.

I am sooooo mortified.  I can't believe I got caught pooping.  This is only the second time in SIX YEARS that he has caught me and it is no less embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!!

12 comments:

Steph said...

I am freaking rolling right now!!!! That is so freaking awesome. I wish I could have witnessed the conversation first hand.

Ginger said...

Ha, this is great! I can just imagine this conversation between you two. It's almost as funny as when you were in the hospital (not the funny part) and Rob started talking about how he goes to the bathroom with the door open just because you and I started talking about that and he thought you had told me he does and you were like "Ummm, hun, Ginger doesn't know you do that..."

Jennifer said...

LMAO!!!! I have tears rolling down my face! I would have NEVER expected YOU to not admit you POOP. Didn't you read the kid book "Everyone Poops" ?? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Laura said...

You have got to have some awesome control. Hahahahaha. That was hilarious!

Christy said...

You are freaking hilarious. I don't care if John knows that I pooped, but I really hate farting in front of him. I almost die from embarrassment every time it happens.

Misguided Mommy said...

ging: that hospital convo was hilarious

jen: I DON'T POOP, GIRLS DON'T POOP NO NO NO

Christy: I never never fart in front of rob, in fact in 6 years i've only done it twice, once i was drunk and once i was pregnant.

Jeninacide said...

LOL!!

My husband totally knows I poop. But one day after I pooped his STUPID FRIEND CHRIS WHO I HATE came over and USED MY BATHROOM and was like "it smells like SHIT in there." and I was like "It must be the catbox." and he was like "no it smells like HUMAN SHIT." and I was like "SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATE YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Ugh. RUUUDE.

Patty said...

OMG! You two should have your own show. Ummm honey I hate to break it too you but women poop. oh yes we do. Don't you know matches get rid of any smell anywhere...next time just blow out a match.

You crack me up! This conversation is too hysterical! lol

angie said...

And I'm the big nerd here? Yeah I think not!! I must say I did laugh my ass off when I read this!

Greg said...

Huh......my wife just comes out and says "I wouldn't go in there for bout 35-45 minutes."

You have to understand that my wife comes from a very proper family with a ex-cop for a dad. Then we move in together and she busts out a line from the most recognized WEED MOVIE IN HISTORY!!!!

What can ya do, but laugh.

Tater's Mom said...

HA! I wish my household was as "proper" as yours. MY hubby (who also routinely takes a morning-dump) will take PICTURES OF THE POOP on his cell phone and send them to me and all his friends. HE'S PROUD OF HIS POOP!

Misguided Mommy said...

jenin: i would have killed him..then cried

taters mom: hi who are you, also, NOOOOOO he takes pictures. sounds like your husband and my husband could be long lost twins

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