I hope she doesn't mind

I've written about this before, but it is my blog and I want to again. About 1.5 years ago, I sat down in front of my computer and logged on to an old blog called Mom's Daily Dose. It is gone now but it was awesome. One day there was an entry about a woman who was about to deliver a little baby boy ANY MINUTE. I was excited and strolled over to check it out and was met with a picture of ROCKSTAR BABY NATE. I was excited for this woman and then I walked away. Then on January 1st I sat down and something made me click back on her. I was directed here. There used to be so much more on the website and I read all of it. Then I started from day one of her new blog and read every single entry. Then I went and bought Kleenex because I had just used every box in my house. And after that I watched this, and it became apparent that there wasn't a tissue factory big enough to help me. Anyway for reasons I've mentioned a bajillion times reading Karlas story in some way, has saved me from myself. I will forever be grateful and in reality she will never know how much her and Ava (and Mark, and Samson, and Naterbug too) have helped me.

Back to the point. As you can see here every year Mark and Karla and now Naterbug release balloons for Ava. So. I really can't remember (forgive me) if Karla invited all of us to release a balloon for Ava on her birthday or if I just decided I was doing it but last April 14th I decided to buy a birthday balloon and release it. There was just one problem. I had a little baby with me, who thought that the balloon was BANDONS BAWOON!! So it spent the night in his room and the next morning on the 14th I cleverly snuck in his room got the balloon and snuck outside and released the balloon. I looked up just in time to see Brandon lose his shit entirely because I just let his balloon go. Well shit. So I went and got him, brought him back outside and explained that, that particular balloon was for another little girl and we had to let that one go.

(In fact I just went back to that post and looked at it and here is my comment on it,
Misguided Mommy said...
Okay it is 6:16AM I have just released a mylar care bears happy birthday ballooon. My son is currently having a melt down pointing at the sky saying uh oh baooon uh oh baooon..Now I have to go to the store and buy him a new balloon because he is so devistated. It's okay though it was for a good purpose. Ava is going to be overwhelmed with joy with all of her balloons.

April 14, 2007)

This presented a new problem, from that moment on, Brandon was obsessed with letting balloons go. To this day if Brandon gets a hold of a balloon he immediately shouts I WANNA LET GO. Thus began his love affair with helium. At my work we have a helium tank and countless times we have filled balloons and then he has run right outside and let them go. COUNTLESS TIMES we have gone to the store and spent $5.00 on a Mylar character shaped balloon just so he can let it go.

Here is the thing. Until right now, NO ONE has known why I secretly let Brandon do this. At this point most of my family is cool with letting him release the cheap little balloons but no one knows why I let him send Cookie Monster, and Singing Elmo, and Purple dinosaur balloons. But now you know. In some twisted way I feel at peace watching him let his balloons go. I feel like he is sending a present to this little tiny girl he will never know. And in my mind, letting him blow $5.00 to send a balloon up to sweet little Ava is priceless compared to what Ava and her family have done for me. So every time my husband gives me a raised eyebrow look over buying a balloon, or my friends think I'm nuts for letting him get some over priced balloon, well, now you know.

So now, the world knows my little secret. Now everyone understands why it is I never argue when Brandon asks for a balloon at the grocery store. Now people understand why I sometimes stand out there and watch the balloon silently seeing how far away it will go. How I'm totally memorized by the fact that they have yet to ever disappear fully out of my line of site. And now people will know why it is I think my son has this secret little angel friend watching out for him, that I also swear he used to see when he was smaller. And now people understand why even though I have a boy, I sometimes let him buy that over girly flowery balloon, because in my mind I think Ava would have liked it.

Anyway this year on the 14th I will again release a happy birthday balloon, but this year Brandon will do it with me, and I won't have to sneak it out of his room, it will be something we do together. And, if Karla doesn't mind, I want to invite all of you to release one too. Because in my mind, I'm convinced those balloons float straight up to heaven and somewhere one little girl has a whole room full of balloons from people around the world who love her, and really, what little girl can't use some sort of token to show just how loved she is by the entire world.

P.S. Ava if you are reading this, I'm really really sorry about the time Brandon sent you a giant potato balloon. I tried to talk him into a Dora balloon or possibly even a congratulations on your new job balloon, but he was hell bent on sending you a GIANT potato shaped balloon with arms and legs and everything. So, yeah, about that, I'm very sorry for the potato balloon!

Also sorry if this bag is rambly but, I'm trying to write this with Codi bouncing on me and Brandon shoving Cheetos in my mouth. And I I just really really wanted to make sure I posted this with enough advanced notice for every single one of you to go buy a balloon.

And again, Karla, like I've said a million times, I'm just so thankful for clicking your link that day. I've realized that if I ever bumped into you on the street I would probably have a reaction similar to 12 year old Shannon running into any one of the New Kids on the Block, or maybe even similar to 26 year old Shannon running into Justin Timberlake only, I would try and not lick you...but, you know, I can't make any promises about the no licking thing.


angie said...

I don't think Karla will mind...if anything she will be reminded of how many people care about her, her family and their little girl! I think releasing a balloon will be a wonderful idea that day!

Blogversary said...

I agree that was one of the best things about Moms Daily Dose was finding Karla's website.

karla said...

Oh Shannon. Do you know how much I love you? Just yesterday I was telling Mark how bummed I was that we will be in Nevada and how much I would love to meet you, but that Reno is like 8 hours from Las Vegas. I know that if we did meet, I would refrain from hugging you, but I might open mouth kiss you, because, you know, I hear you're totally awesome at kissing.

Seriously though. Thank you so much for thinking of me, and my little Ava. I find that as her birthday approaches, little pieces of me start to crumble inside with sadness and hurt for the little life that left us too soon. Knowing there are others out there who still remember, and cherish her memory, is all that I could ever hope for. So thank you. You've brought sunshine and light into my heart.

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