why yes I am crazy thank you very much

About two years ago Rob and I were chatting about something and it led to a conversation about some foods he used to love. He was telling me about how much he loved a ham and cheddar melt and a Scrambled egg pocket, both from Jack in the box. The next day I emailed Jack in the box begging them to bring those things back. I never heard back.

Saturday I was watching TV and I saw a commercial for Jack In The Box. I believe the croissant guy was yelling at Jack. I'm not sure all I know is that there was a guy with muffiny things on his head and giant over easy egg boobs dangling off him. The point of it was that he was mad that Jack was replacing him. Then I glanced up and saw that he was being replaced with a SCRAMBLED EGG POCKET. I was soooo fucking excited. I made a mental note to tell Rob.

So I tell him and he was like, "yeah right prove it." Only I couldn't find the commercial again. So I go online to Jack in the Box and guess what? No egg pocket. I pulled every Google trick I know and still nothing.

I have issues with just giving up, you know this if your ever around me when I try and remember a name or a song or a place. I will go completely insane and not stop and try Googling on my phone and inevitably I would call Katie or Ginger and they would answer to hear me shout, "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO WAS THAT GUY WITH THE THING IN THE PLACE WITH THE STUFF??????????????????" And if they can't figure it out, oh man. I rip out year books, and photo albums and Myspace and it's awful.

So now picture me the next morning sitting in front of my computer furious I can find no proof that this egg pocket exists. I've even checked Youtube for a video of the commercial. I am hitting refresh feverishly on the Jack in the Box page hoping that suddenly the stupid NEW Angus Burger will disappear and the NEW NEW egg pocket will appear. Now I'm just mad. All I want to do is find one of these things for Rob because I know how happy it will make him. And now, since I can't find it I am consumed with it and I just want to see his face when he bites into it.

Fuck it! I'm calling. I dial the closest Jack in the Box and the lady who answers acts like I'm a complete moron and basically shuts me down. The second guy I called was really nice, and said they would be willing to take the pita from their Chicken Fajita pocket and make me an egg pocket. I thought about it, but what if it wasn't the same. The next place I called told me that sometimes only certain states get the limited time food.

THATS IT!!!! I'll call California. California has everything right? I first call Atwater because we will be there this weekend. NO! Then I call Auburn because we will be driving through there NO! I call Sacramento NO!

At this point I'm feeling pretty dejected so I sit back angrily thinking I've imagined the fucking commercial. I am now screaming at my cousin via Yahoo Messanger when I get a brilliant idea.

I AM CALLING CORPORATE!!!!! Yes you read right. I want to find this stupid breakfast pita for my husband soooo bad I am going to call Jack in the Box headquarters. I call. I get put on hold and then it hangs up on me. I'm not deterred though I call back. And a lady answers.

(I should mention at this point I had been on hold for so long I now had to pee so I ran in to pee thinking no one would answer and right as I started to tinkle she answers so I'm now sitting on the toilet holding in my pee trying not to let it echo, asking this lady about breakfast foods)

Lady: Thank you for calling Jack in the Box, what can I do for you?
Shannon: Hi, Ummm I have kind of a stupid question
Lady: Okay
Shannon: I think I saw a commercial for a scrambled egg pocket, the one where the guy with the over easy egg boobies was yelling at Jack, umm but I have called a bunch of Jack in the boxes and no one seems to have it
Lady: Well umm sometimes it is only in certain places
Shannon: So I'm right, right, you really do have it
Lady: Hang on, do you mean the southwestern scrambled egg pocket
Lady: Yeah it looks like it is only certain places
Shannon: Well um, can you maybe tell me where, because my husband REALLLLLY wants one and I can't find it in my town so can you please just tell me where to go to get one?
Lady: Uhhh hang on...ma'am it looks like it is only in San Francisco.
Shannon: So it is in California
Lady: Yes but only in San Francisco. It is going through what is called a testing phase. We release it in a big city and see what happens.
Shannon: So at what point will we know if it does good on testing
Lady: ???????????? (Now making post it note signs to show her friends that reads THIS LADY IS FUCKING NUTSO)
Shannon: So then if it passes how long until it is here in Reno
Lady: ?????????????
Shannon: I mean it will go nation wide right? How will I know?
Lady: Um it is in testing phase we really don't know until then, but if it passes it has a chance to be on our menu permanently
Shannon: Okay fine bye

(Can I just point out what a long conversation this was considering I was still holding in my tinkle and still sitting on the toilet)

So now I'm sitting here totally aggravated because I can in no way afford a trip to San Francisco. And what if it doesn't do good and my husband never gets to eat it again? I text his brother immediately who lives in SF and tell him he must go buy egg pockets right now. BUY LIKE 10 A DAY! Something anything, just make this thing pass testing.

I guess the point of this blog is to reach out to any readers I may have in San Francisco and beg you to please go buy this stupid egg pocket so it can pass the test and make it here to Reno.

I think my husband feels about this thing the same way a lot of people feel about that McRib thingy. How they get super excited when it comes back for a limited time. It is how I felt when Burger King got rid of the mushroom swiss burger and I could no longer get a mushroom swiss veggie burger and had to settle for a regular veggie burger. (side note for my veggie lovers, Burger King is genius and has Morning star veggie burgers on their menu).

How about you, do you have anything you miss? Any favorite foods that have gone away that you wish would come back?


Mrs. F said...

When I was in the sixth grade there was a black bag of Doritos. Jack something or other, I believe. The name has completely escaped me. I miss them... OK, I just googled it and they were called Jumping Jack Cheese.

I have no idea if I would like them now, since my taste in cheese has evolved, but back in 1990 I thought they were delish.

Mrs. F said...

Wow, I want some so bad right now.

Mercy Kidz said...

You are the funniest person in the world and I cant stop laughing I think your crazy! I love it!

Mandy said...

YES, I freakin miss Jack in the box period.... there isn't one ANYWHERE remotely close to here.
And sonic, what I wouldn't give for a sweet sweet cherry lime-aid. The closest Sonic is only a 6 hour trip...WEEE!
Taco Bell has a crunchy chicken ceaser thing from time to time, with tortilla chips in it, I wish they would keep that around.

Damn it, I'm moving back to Arizona. Now, I want a sourdough jack burger and a cherry lime-aid.
Grrrr.... going outside to pout!

Jeninacide said...

Ummm... no. But a lot of people miss Dippin Dots. Like my mom. And my sister... and probably a lot of other people too.

Kat said...

Wow that's what I call determination!

Christy said...

You are crazy Shannon! I hope Rob appreciates all of your effort.

Jayla'sMommy said...

I miss Swiss Miss caramel chocolate milk. They sold it for about a year or so and it was my "comfort food" while Jarret was deployed and then one day it was just gone...
Most people said it tasted gross but I loved it. And apparently I was the only person loving it or else it would still be there :(

PS: That's so nice of you that you even called corporate to inquire about the scrambled egg pocket for Rob.

Snappy said...

I miss the Roasted Chicken Club sandwich from Arby's, the Double stack with cheese and bacon and cheese baked potato from Wendy's, and the country crock cinnamon butter. Stupid fast foods.

Coffee Slut said...

Yeah, I miss Wendy's onion rings. They came and went so quickly, and I thought they were the best fast food onion rings. sigh.

Misguided Mommy said...

OH yeah, I forgot, I miss everything from Artic circle. I can't belive it closed. Lime Rickies were the bestest

lucinda said...

i miss rollitos. i loved those with spicy bean dip! and back in the day the used to have cookies and cream powder for milk. nesquik made it, i cant find it anymore. im just glad they brought back the banana milk!

Heidi said...

I miss the McArch sandwich. OMG!! How I miss it.

Misguided Mommy said...

Lucinda: They used to make a vanilla milk also and my son loved it. now its gone and it makes me sooo mad.


Misguided Mommy said...


angie said...

OH ARTIC CIRCLE I MISS EVERYTHING! There is one in Elko so let's plan a day trip up there and go eat some k. We won't tell tummy tuck members k...shhhhhh

ps ok there wonder wife! Does your husband love you like 15 billion tims more for looking all this up for him??

PSS Our school has vanilla milk!!!

Dyan said...

hahahahaha.... holy shit, you RE nutso, I love it!!!! OK, Taco Bell needs to bring back the Chickn Enchilada Burrito... I LOVE tht damn thing, I'd eat one every day.

Modest Mousketeer said...

You are hilarious, I had to hold in some pee of my own. I could care less about the foods, I miss certain toys cuz I'm a nerd.

Sarah said...

The Chili Cheese Burrito from Taco Bell. If you were "in the know," you called it a Chilito. It was bomb dot com. My mom and I nearly cried when we found out they'd gotten rid of it. This was at least 9 years ago, but to this day, I cannot eat at Taco Bell, because nothing they have will be a good as the Chilito.

Modest Mousketeer said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog. I'm just wondering... which part made you begin a day long fast? Was it my mustache hairs that grossed you out? I'm just not clear on what it could have been.

Kristen said...

I miss Planters Cheese Balls. There is a generic version that isn't nearly as good.

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