5.17.2008

How do I remember this shit?

Quite a few years back I had eliminated almost all of my female friends and was mostly hanging out with some guys from a rival high school. We became pretty close and it is safe to say they rubbed off on me. They got me into Southpark, and camping at the lake, and other random things. One of the really funny things they would do is just announce randomly they had to poop. Then, you know, go poop.

So. One day Lisa and I are driving to Burlington Coat factory. We are just driving down the road and I look over at her and decide to try out my new line.

"Man, I've got to take a dump." I say with a huge grin.

Lisa totally freezes and then says, "um, uh, okay."

I realize immediately that girls are totally not supposed to act like boys. I try and cover my tracks and be like dude sorry the boys say it all the time I just thought it was a funny ice breaker. She wasn't having it. She was in a total state of shock. And I don't know who was more embarrassed me for saying it or her for having to hear it.

But it got worse. Because while I didn't in fact have to poop I did have to pee, but I don't think Lisa believed that. So we get to Burlington and I set of to go pee in the fastest possible time so she knows I only peed that I wasn't in fact dumping. However. Burlington apparantly has a ton of people take products into the bathroom and steal them. So they had some kind of system going where you had to push a button and then look at the camera, show them your hands and they would let you in. Only I don't see the button. I just see two printed signs with a hand on the doors. I'm thinking, okay push here. So I push. I push and push and push and turn around and shove it with my butt. I REALLY HAVE TO PEE. So I'm also kind of pacing and crossing my legs as I push and push and push. So I walk over the the boys bathroom and push. Nothing. I knock, nothing. I stand there looking around like an idiot. I am not kidding when I say this took me at least 3 minutes. Finally I look up between the two doors and see a tiny red button that says push with a sign about the cameras. I push the button and now realize, these people have probably been watching me this whole time laughing. I get in, do my business and get out.

The whole thing from start to finish probably takes 5 minutes.

No matter what I said, I don't think Lisa ever believed that I wasn't in there pooping for 5 minutes. But I did learn, that girls should never ever ever try and act cool like boys and shout out, "I have to take a dump."

So tell me, have you ever said something totally ridiculous like this and if so what?

5 comments:

Mrs. F said...

Bwahahaha. You are hilarious!

Amanda said...

I do remember watching my Mum walk into the mens toilets ~ then straight back out again!
Just thinking about it makes me want to pee my pants!

Love Amanda x

Heidi said...

I think it is funny. It's a joke. Too much seriousness going on these days.

Not So Perfect said...

Ha ha ha...my BF and I talk like this all the time.

I thought of something that I said to the wrong person once trying to be funny but I think it might be too much for even you to handle. Maybe I will e-mail you and tell you later.

Lainey-Paney said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwww. I hate that phrase.

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