6.16.2008

The hole in my lip

Below is a picture of my brand new dress. It cost me $4.99. What a steal huh. It came complete with boob stains and all. What isn't pictured is the milk stains. You see, last week I went to run some errands. I was hotter then shit hence the boob stains. Then, since I wasn't with Codi and it had been a few hours I looked down and noticed that not only was I leaking milk, the milk was leaking so bad it was actually DRIPPING out of my dress and all down the front of my dress. It was at the exact moment where the dripping milk and boob sweat meshed together that I had to walk into the Apple store and explain to them that between my two year old and my 6 month old my computer suddenly stopped holding a charge and was less brigth white and more, Grey.
Then I got hungry. My cousin offered to get me a sandwich. Since I was still running around and in a hurry I decided to eat and drive. Hence the guacamole stain on my dress.

The worst part is, I'm allergic to any fruit with a pit, including avocado. Meaning I spent the rest of the day in total pain making me that much more pissed over the stain. Pain + stain = Very fucking mad!

Here is a picture of my teeny tiny tomato. I think he's cute. I have jalapenos and bell peppers and peas and so on. Brandon loves to point to the jalapenos, declare them HOT and then say, those are daddies. I find it funny.

(Insert photo of laundry clusterfuck here)
Yeah, I was so mad about the mess I found in the dryer yesterday I didn't even get my camera. I bought two new dresses with strings that tie around the neck. I tossed em in the laundry and opened it to find EVERY! SINGLE! FUCKING! piece of clothing somehow strung together in one massive knot. The best part was when my husband walked by and said, "thats pretty funny". I felt like cutting the waistbands off every pair of underwear he owned. One tank top was so fucked up and tangled that when I got it out the right strap was 2 goddamn inches longer then the left one from being twisted so badly. On pair of shorts some how got so tied up in the clusterfuck they were permanently wrinkled. So wrinkled they laughed at my iron, and laughed harder at my spray starch stuff. It took me a good 8 minutes to untangle that shit! EIGHT MINUTES PEOPLE!

Also not pictured is me spending 4 minutes in the parking lot trying to figure why in the zombie fucks sake I could not open my husbands car door. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was clicking the remote for my car. I'm almost positive that wasn't the problem. It also had nothing to do with me jamming MY car key into HIS door hole. Pretty fucking brilliant this one is.

And, if I wasn't messy enough, while visiting this weeks farmers market I picked up a Pluot took a bite and this shit happened.


So if the floor looked like that, take a guess what the front of my shirt looked like. Also, my manicured toes were covered in sticky shit for the remainder of the day. As compensation I purchased, cauliflower, salmon, scallops, leeks, raspberries, strawberries, white nectarines, pluots, beets and whole wheat garlic pasta! I'm eating like a queen.

Or, a queen with a massive fucking hole in her lip!

4 comments:

Modest Mousketeer said...

"clusterfuck"

I thought only my husband said that.

"zombie fucks sake"

I died laughing and will now repeat that daily.

Thank you.

moo said...

I used to be meticulous in keeping myself and my clothes clean ... and then I had a child. And now I wear patterns a lot. And black.

Jeninacide said...

I fucking hate it when my straps get all tangled in the dryer. bastards.

Heidi said...

I pretty much live in what I am eating. It is a family tradition that everyone fights over who DOESN'T want to sit next to me while we eat. I got over it real quick, but it does make for really crappy clothes. LOL

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