Currently my favorite picture of Codi

I'm pooping right now
Originally uploaded by wilddreemer
He was pooping while I took it. I think it really captures his "Codiness"!

Look look an update

This will explain why I haven't been posting much !!!!

House updates


I'm tired and lazy so this is all you get

The boys both saw the doctor today. I'm to tired and lazy to write a witty post so I'll attach the email I sent out to family along with a few of my favorite pictures lately,

Brandon and Codi both had appointments today. Brandon his three year and Codi his 9 month. The highlight is that somehow both boys were caught up and NEITHER needed shots. I think I was happier then they were.

Brandon weighed in at 30.6 pounds and was just over 33". He is finally in the 50% for height AND weight. This is a large feat since he spent the first year and a half of his life in the 3rd percentile. The rest of him was in great shape. The doctor laughed at all his battle wounds. He really laughed when I told him the scar on his back involved trying to climb up to the second shelve in a home depot. He was impressed with his speech and coordination. He did say that his tonsils are big and that we need to keep an eye on them over the years because they are at risk for infection. He also said Brandon's night time sleep disturbances sound related to night terrors. He gave me great advice on what to do so hopefully that helps out.

Codi is weighing in at 18.6 pounds. Weight and height were both 25% but his head is 75%. I don't call him fat head for nothin! The doctor walked in right when he was standing up pushing the stool around like a walker. he thought that was great and noted that Codi is right on track if not ahead of the game. His tracking and hand movement was great. He smiled and giggled and put up a tremendous fight over diapering. We laughed over that because the hand out for a child his age said a developmental milestone was the resistance of diapering. Codi still has no teeth. They are there, we can tell they are coming but for now they just tease. His bottom tooth is close to popping out. So close in fact that his little gum is now bruised in that area while it waits for it to pop out. Poor dude. He is so sad about this he has decided to express himself by biting me while he eats. That way we can both suffer I guess. He is also still not eating anything but breast milk. The doctor said it was still fine since he is obviously not malnourished. For a while he would snack on organic rice puffs, cinnamon Life, organic crackers and the occasional Popsicle. Lately though his mouth hurts so much he is hardly eating. Tonight he did explore some spaghetti though.

I find his eating habits funny because they are 100% opposite of Brandon. Brandon ate anything and everything and now will barely eat anything. Rob and I often joke that Codi eating nothing now means he will eat anything and everything when he is older. The doctor was very happy to hear that I'm still nursing. He doesn't even bother listing off the benefits of nursing to me anymore since he knows my thoughts on how amazing nursing is. He agreed with my wishes to nurse Codi as long as Brandon (15 months) and said to encourage food a little more aggressively towards a year but not to force him now since he is thriving just fine on breast milk.

Over all it was a great visit. The boys are really don't good. They are keeping Rob and I on our toes. I don't even remember what holding still feels like. Even in my dreams I'm thinking about chasing after those boys. One things for sure, they complete our life and are my whole soul.

Shit like this makes me all squishy and dorky inside

Pretending he isn't making messes

Out of focus because mom does not know how to focus in timer mode

Passed out after a shower

My husband keeps tellinng me he isn't addicted to burritos. This weekend he came to me, showed me his phone and asked if having the burrito store listed under his FAVORITES in his phone was a bad thing. I think it's worse they know him by name when he calls in his order on Fridays

This picture makes me sing the stupid pirate song from Lazy Town

Daddy come home mom is driving us nuts

This is the face he makes at night when daddy goes to softball. He cried for hours and finally we had to call daddy so he could cry on the phone to him.

Happy spaghetti head


Oh shit, ouch RUNNNNNN

I just walked out to the garage to get in the fridge. I wanted a diet 7-Up. The garage fridge is located 1.5 feet away from the last known location of BIG MOTHER FUCKING SPIDER. Normally when I go out I hop down half a step, lean around to the fridge and reach in. Then I run back in the house before any spiders get me.

However. Tonight the soda box was new so I had to punch the little thingy to get it open. Which meant standing near the fridge for an extended period of time (read 14 seconds). So I punch it open and pull and the soda can rolls out.


I am not freaking the fuck out because I don't want to just leave a stupid soda rolling around. So fast as lightening I reach under the table and I swear I felt harry spider legs crawling on me. I go to pull my arm out and that is when I cracked my elbow right in that spot. You know the not so funny when you hit this bone, bone? SO now, I'm whining, freaking the shit fuck out, trying to run in the house, trying not to shake up my soda any more, I stub a toe, nearly ram my head into the door because I don't try to actually open the fucker before I attempt to go barreling through it. I finally make it in, slam the door, lock it (because the lock will keep the spiders out) and run all the way across the house to the safety of my living room.

Only now, I swear to shit there are 50 fucking spiders crawling on my shit.

I can't stop itching.



I don't know when ass covereings became so important

When I was pregnant I was a novice at all things baby. No one was walking around handing out advice (like I love to do), so I was left to discover it all on my own. One of the things I really worried about were diapers. I wanted the best one. My theory has always been that diapers are gonna touch my kids special parts and their tushy they should be the best and softest possible. My solution to this, short of opening every bag in the store and pulling out a diaper was to register on the diapers websites. Before long I had samples of Pampers and Huggies in my mail box. A friend had given me a ton Luvs so there was no need to register there. First I opened the Luvs and I HATED THEM. They were stiff and scratchy and not at all stretchy. Then I opened the Huggies. Again, it was awful. Finally I tried the pampers swaddlers and I LOVED THEM. I was hooked. For the first 5 months that was all Brandon wore. But they only made Swaddlers up to size 3. I set out finding a new diaper. I tried Huggies with the GIGGLASTIC waist band and was so disappointed. They leaked, and were still scratchy and so on. After researching I settled on the Pampers Cruisers. They worked fine for a while.

One of the oddest parts of the story is the part where Pampers started changing their diapers almost weekly. My cousin would make fun of me because for a period of 5 months every single box of Pampers I bought was different. The straps would change colors or size, some would have elastic some didn't, some would rip, some were even glued together rendering them unusable. In fact, at one point I had started saving all the diapers that sucked and I mailed them off to Pampers to ask what the fuck. I received coupons and gift cards and it was nice.

Fast forward to Codi's birth. I again registered on the diaper sites. Again I chose pampers. And yet again they changed. When I arrived at the hospital I was dismayed to find the diapers were awful. They were small, and stiff and scratchy but the worst part of all, they had this awful net lining in them that would stuck to the babies butt. One particular day I was really complaining about it when I went to my mail box to find a sample of the NEW Huggies Gentle Care Natural Fit. I opened it up to find a nice quilted interior. It was crazy soft. The back stretched nicely and the outsides were soft and bendable but sturdy. I packed up the Pampers to donate and went right to the store for some Huggies. I've been thrilled with them since.

This last trip to the store I figured I would buy a small bag of Pampers Cruisers to see how they were. I opened them to find flimsy extra wide no shape diapers. The inside is still shitty, the outside has no leak barrier and the back doesn't lock in shit. In fact the first time I put the diaper on Codi he blew right out the back.

There is a commercial on for Huggies right now where some parents walk around with their baby brick. They say other diapers are find if your kid is shaped like a brick and I fully agree. The pampers are huge. They have no soft little leg cut outs, no shape what so ever. Codi's Huggies are cut so there is no bunching at the legs. They even have a stretchy belly panel now for babies like him with a little chub in the tummy region.

While I'm really glad I've finally settled on a diaper with Codi I can't lie and say it is not really frustrating how drastically Pampers has changed. I supported Pampers for a long time. I don't understand why a company would go from a great product to a mediocre product to an AWFUL one.

What brand do you use? I know a lot of people use Target or Kirkland but for me I can't imagine them being extra soft and smooth. Did anyone else notice the immense change in Pampers over the last year and a half? Are there other products out there that you think have changed? I still swear by the Pampers newborn sensitive wipes. All the others are scratchy. What are your baby items you will never stop using, and the products you can't banish from your house fast enough?

**Edited to add: On the TWO mile drive to work (I guess about 6 miles if you count the drop of to Brandons school) Codi pooped and it leaked out of every single side of his stupid fucking pampers cruiser.

** Edited one more time: If these diapers suck so bad, and I don't want them and have a full bag, what do I do? Do I donate them? Because why would I donate something so awful? But maybe if I donated them they would find their way to someone who could use them? So, do I donate them or just trash them and waste the money entirely?


My son dances almost as well as me, ALMOST!


brandon dances from wilddreemer on Vimeo.

Codi's noises

Yes I know my hair looks BAD! I went to bed with wet hair and woke up with that. You are seeing me exactly 18 minutes after stumbling out of bed and only having 5 sips of coffee in me. So here it is in all it's gore. My double chin, weird hair and pasty skin. But don't look at that, look at Codi trying to walk holding the couch, make funny noises, talk and make raspberries. Also Brandon steals the show once when he realizes he is on camera! I turned the main music off for a day so you can enjoy the movie

codi noises from wilddreemer on Vimeo.





Now they have thought of everything

I'm sitting here reading my Parent's Magazine and I'm cruising the little spot in back with new products and such when I just came across this one. It's called Milk Screen. It works by placing a few drops of breastmilk on a little strip and then waiting two minutes. If the strip changes color then the milk test positive for alcohol. If not, then you're good to go.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand I think it's a nice idea for women to test their milk and make sure they are not giving the baby milk with too much alcohol. On the other hand I feel like this gives moms a free pass to get drunk and then just sit around and wait for the strip to turn, thus leaving the baby hungry and lowering milk supply.

I read around on the site more and discovered that this test was made to reduce the amount of babies who consumed alcohol, leading to sleep disturbances and poor feeding habits. After reading more, its seems the makers of this feel consuming alcohol often, leading to poor feeding habits was the number one cause of women discontinuing feeding. The science is, if the baby is not eating the mom thinks they are ready to ween, thus ending with a baby weened far to early.

I read further and came across this fact,
"Only about 30% of infants are exclusively breast-fed through age 3 months, and just 11% through age 6 months."

I was totally disgusted to find that out. I realize of course that alcohol is not the only reason babies are weened to early, but it is probably a big one. Whatever the reason, I just hate seeing it happen. The website says babies will stop eating if the milk taste like alcohol, it is not a flavor they like.

Here is what the product says:

Why should mothers test their breast milk for alcohol?

Studies have shown infants consuming breast milk with alcohol concentrations at approximately 30mg/dl, or 0.03%, and higher have exhibited distinctive changes in:

  • Feeding behavior: baby consumes less if the milk contains alcohol.
  • Sleeping: baby sleeps less and wakes more frequently.

The milkscreen test is set to show a color change at 0.02% to let Mom know if her milk contains a level of alcohol that may negatively impact baby.

I don’t feel intoxicated – why use the test?

Because all mothers are unique! So, naturally the way each woman’s body process alcohol is unique, too. Again, it depends on several factors including:

  • Body weight
  • Type of alcohol consumed
  • Food intake

A feeling of intoxication or non-intoxication is not an accurate indicator when determining the level at which alcohol is concentrated in the breast milk.

How much alcohol is “safe”?

Although there is no definitive research to dictate “safe”, we do know that the negative effects of alcohol begin to appear when an infant consumes milk containing alcohol at 30mg/dl (0.03%), and higher. Studies also show that about 2% of the alcohol a mother consumes will enter her bloodstream and milk. A newborn’s immature liver makes it very difficult to process even small amounts of alcohol and a three-month-old baby can metabolize alcohol at about half the rate an adults can.

So many people have asked why I will not just ween Codi and start medicine now. The number 1 answer is that the benefits of breast feeding by far outweigh the the negatives of eight more months of the crazy in my head. I want to make it clear. I did go in and see my doctor. We had a long talk about this. I've also talked to my kids pediatrician. And also my OB. All three agree that right now, nursing is the best thing I can do. My doctor agrees because she knows in the long run, the guilt I would feel over not nursing Codi as long as Brandon would be detrimental to my recovery. The pediatrician agrees because he would like to see Codi be nursed at least to a year so he can gain the maximum health benefits from my breast milk. My OB agrees because women who nurse over a year SIGNIFICANTLY reduce the chance of breast cancer, ovarian cancer and type two diabetes. Since I do have a history of ovarian cancer in my family and a mess of health problems surrounding that area, he ABSOLUTELY advocates my continued nursing.

All of my doctors have spoken together and shared my records and again the resounding consensus is for me to just wait the eight more months and then start on the medicine.

Obviously, If I won't take medicine that helps me I also won't drink while nursing. Shit, I won't even take an Advil because the pediatrician says I can only have Tylenol while nursing. Since I think Tylenol is bullshit I pretty much live on vitamins!

However, if I did drink I probably would use a product like the one mentioned above during special occasions. I do remember when I nursed Brandon having to pump and dump after a wedding or two because I felt I had drank to much. I hated that he had to have a bottle but I was at least happy I had pumped a little milk for him before each wedding. This time around I had a shit ton of milk pumped for Codi. He took a bottle for a while however around 5 months he adamantly refused. The saddest day ever was when I threw away almost 30 bags of pumped milk because he denied a bottle with every fiber in his body. With him, pumping and dumping is not an option because he would have no back up since he rebuffs bottles the same way I would a plate full of dog shit!

Anyway. I would like to hear your opinions on this product. Do you feel like it is a winner? Would you use it? Do you think it will advocate drinking excessively while nursing? Do you feel like it will promote continued nursing for longer periods of time?


"This is "so" cool"

After mentioning the cakewreck blog Christy from Cakerwakers sent me the link to the "unnecessary" quotation blog. It's "fucking" funny shit!

Also presenting the "fail blog"!

I was just going to the bank

I have the day off today. I decided to keep Brandon home from school with me since we rarely get that chance. I was lounging here when I remembered I had to get to the bank. I told Brandon to hurry up and lets run to the bank and out the door we went. On my way there my mom called from work and asked if I could bring her some breakfast. So I was heading to get that and Brandon suddenly says I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL MOM SCHOOL NOW SCHOOL WHERE IS MY SCHOOL.

Okay stop.

I'm in sweats. An old maternity cami NO BRA and I have no shoes on. I forgot my glasses, I haven't brushed my hair and I look like hell. Brandon is in jammie pants that are shorter then his undies and his hair and face haven't been fixed. Codi is wearing nothing but a diaper.

Well shit. So I call my mom who tells me there is an old pair of 2T sweats of Brandons at the shop. We cut those off to look like those really expensive Gap sweat shorts I pay so much for and wash his face. However I still had to drag him and my naked baby into day care as I'm barefoot with armpit hair down to my knees my boobs hanging down to my toes because had no bra strapping them up and my hair looking like...well similar to most of the toddler girls hair there.

The girl at the front desk laughed at me when I commented that the other parents there must really find me ghetto. The worst part is, I got there at a later drop off time then normal which meant I actually had to see like 400 parents instead of the usually one or two I see. Oops.

I'm just glad that at the last second while I was rushing Brandon out the door he stopped and asked to have his shoes on. Otherwise this could have been even worse.

Cake wrecks

I've gotten totally hooked on a blog. It is called Cakewrecks. It's short and sweet, usually one or two updates a day. Often times I have to read the bloggers description to even find the error. But seriously you need to bookmark this page, it's always good for a morning laugh. (These are all real cakes, and all made by professionals, or grocery stores). Here are a few of my favorites.

These people probably got charged for the extra lettering

What the fuck exactly is this? They claim watermelon. I say drunken kermit

I don't know if the word fuck up is worse or the colors

Because this looks exactly like the Olympic logo

Don't you, forget about me no no no no

Hey ya'll I haven't posted much on the food blog lately because I've been making old favorites of my husbands that are already posted. But I did make a rocking turkey spaghetti sauce the other night and some great basil citrus chicken. Make sure to head on over and check it out.
Tasty Temptations



Coffee Slut tagged me for a meme

I haven't done meme's in sooo long but I figured what the shit, why not huh. So here goes.

First you post the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

1. I love love love sucking Codi's boogers. Not because I like being mean and watching him scream, but more because I am totally impressed by what comes out. So impressed that I actually show it off to other people. And, if no one is around I stick it on a kleenex and wait until later to show Rob the MASSIVE booger I just pulled. Ask him, I just ran in the room while he was showering to show him the one I just got not even five minutes ago.

2. Keeping in theme, I hate when I just clip my nails and can't pick my nose. I will actually not clip my nails and let them be too long to functionally type just so I can pick my nose better for longer!

3. I hate bleu cheese. But I love how it looks melted on stuff. I think one of the sexiest looking foods is steak with bleu cheese melted on it. I eat neither of those foods.

4. I think there are two reasons I haven't fallen off the drinkign wagon. 1. I feel like drinking and nursing is the worst thing you can do as a mom. 2. When my son was born my dad quit drinking (he had like one beer a month). He still hasn't drank. I'll be damned if I start drinking before he does!!!!!!!!!!

5. Following the blogging theme this week of MY KID WON'T EAT. Codi will not eat. He will eat breast milk, cinamon life and ice cream. THAT IS IT. No baby yogurt, no rice cereal, no oatmeal, zero veggies, fruits or meats. Oh wait, last night he ate a bite of jello. Because that's healthy right?

6. I really wish street signs were easier to take. I've always wanted to take a street sign but I totally don't have the balls for it. Down the road from me is a teeeeeeny little street that is named after someone I know. I'm dying to take the damn sign but again I HAVE NO GUTS!

Now I have to tag people. I want to tag 6 people that I don't normally tag. Lets see.

Moo, Jennifer (Jiff), Randi, Lorie Loo, Heidi (eramblings) And my sweet Laura!

Little helper

I'm cooking dinner the other night and then I turn around because I hear some massive giggling. This is what I found.

I guess he climbed in all on his own.

In good company

Conversations with LindsAy

I love fried stuff with cheese..ME TOO

You rock because your not a cynical assholish bitch

It's easier to just bench press chips into my mouth

my boobs are massive right now, i dont know what sup
fuck you gravity


I tried to run last night
You did good
No, a 20 minute mile is not good
Just start slow, running isn't natural to your body
No fried stuff with cheese is natural to my body
why do you think I did a half marathon!? I got to eat a shit ton of fried crap

I should have punched her in the uterus

I am sore as shit

but we boned like 5 times last week and that was a big deal
boned? hahahah
I say boned, yes

Conversastion with Ginger at lunch







In need of a vice

Tonight someone stopped by my house. I was in the middle of making dinner. Something I haven't done in over a week. Why? Because I had Brandon's birthday party meaning I had family in and out all week. Even when I didn't have family staying here we were still out to dinner with them or something. Friday I had the day off and I spent the first half of the day at the stores buying some new bedding and some other odds and ends. Then family came by and we went out bowling and to dinner. Saturday I spent the day in my room. I decluttered my bathroom counters, did some laundry, and picked up parts of the house. Saturday night Rob and I didn't have Brandon and Codi actually napped so we just sat down ate dinner and watched a movie together. It was nice. Sunday I did a lot of grocery shopping, all of Brandons laundry, Robs laundry and washed the whites (Rob folded them). I got everything ready for the week, laid out Brandons change of bedding for school and cleaned up some of his toys. I even cleaned part of my bathroom and washed some rugs. Sunday night I went to a birthday party and had a great time. I needed that. While I got a lot done this past week, at the same time I didn't' get shit done.

Back to the point. Tonight someone stopped by as I was cooking. They were there a short amount of time and the only two things they could say was, my garden died and it was my fault and my house was a mess. Which of course was my fault. They left and I was deflated. Here I was just trying to cook a meal for my husband since I haven't done it all week and the life was sucked right out of me. I stood there for a minute and all I could think was I want to have a shot. Nope can't do that. Fine I'm going to smoke something. Nope can't do that. Fine I'll eat a donut. Nope can't do that. Well what the fuck. I'm all out of vices. Someone suggested running. Sure let me just stop dinner and take of running. Nope can't do that. I need a real vice. A quick fix and I got nothing. So I did the most logical thing I could think of. I rocked out to my new favorite song and then set out cleaning. I cleaned the bath tub, bath seat and toys. I emptied all of the trashes. Cleaned off all of the kitchen counters. Got two loads of laundry in the wash and one is in the dryer. I put all the mail in my designated "ignore" pile and cleaned off the top of the washer and dryer (my end of the day catch all for junk). I put away the clothes on my dresser and set to work wiping random shit down. I realized I was angry at the comment that person made. Angry that I was finally trying to accomplish something as simple as dinner and it wasn't enough. I'm looking around now at all the other shit I need to do. The table needs wiped down the place mats need changed. The fridge needs cleaned and the pantry needs organized and the fucking donuts are still staring at me.

The truth is that I kind of purposely let my house go some. I thought I would be moving soon and so I thought I would be packing soon. I figured I would finally get a chance to declutter and garage sale some shit. But now, with the house being pushed out even farther I guess I have to suck it up and do a deep fall cleaning.

I just wish I had a vice. I wish I could be responsible enough with my drinking to just throw a few back tonight. The sad truth is, I probably could handle it now. I'm in a different place but I won't let myself find out. I think that if I ever took another drink I would be so let down that would send me spiraling. It's become sort of a game now. How long can I go with out drinking. But the other truth is, I'll always have my depression, I'll always have the lows like I'm having now, and I'll never be able to tell the difference between tossing some back to relax and tossing a bottle back to drown my sorrows.

I think I'm lucky I've made some new great friends. I think lately those friends have been my saving grace. Still though, I don't have a vice. Do you have a vice? What is yours? Are there any vices out there that I can do while nursing that won't affect my waist line, and that aren't too too illegal?


Click over here

I'm not entirely sure what I should write here. Lately so many people have been going through financial difficulty. A lot of us bloggers have ads on our page. The best way for us to get paid is for people to click on those ads. The problem is, so many people use feed readers instead of actually clicking the link to their page. Since you do that we don't even get the revenue for a page view let alone the ad clicks. The idea this month is to ask people to click out of their feed readers and click on at least one ad.

Personally I love getting my ad check every month. It is small but its enough money for a half tank of gas or a box of diapers. It's always a relief. I can only imagine how many other moms out there depend on their checks too. So please, this month click out of your feed reader and click on the ads. I'll make it easy, here is my direct link.
You can also click the button below for a list of other blogs who need help with ad revenue. Once you click on their page click around some into their archives. Each page view helps with revenue.

Thanks a million!

Send nose plugs

I just went into our master bathroom to take a pee. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of death. I wadded up a ton of toilet paper, covered my nose and prayed for a gas mask. I finished walked out and looked at Rob and asked "did you just die in the bathroom?"

He replied with a blank "I didn't do anything" face and then adked if I as ted to ride with him to get a breafast burrito.

A burrito with beans.


Who wants to be stuck at home with me and the death ass today?

Sent from my iPhone


Hey where are you

I heard Codi crying while I was cleaning my room. He started crying harder and harder so I finally looked down to see why. Seems he got himself in quite a pickle huh.

New bedding

Close up of my new sheets

Now if any of you have a nice chocolate brown king size bedroom set with dresser two night stands and media armoir that your giving away for free I'll be good to go!

So how was your morning?

I haven't even had my coffee yet


Bathroom tales

I'm an over wiper. Yes I said it. I like to make sure I do a good job wiping. Which is why at least once a week I reach down to get in a really good wipe and,


I find my hand touching the toilet water. The toilet water I just peed in. Don't you hate it when that happens?

That doesn't happen to you?


Well then I digress.

Yesterday my cousin Lisa and I went to visit Ben n Jerrys. We were enjoying some ice cream when I decided I had to pee. I trotted off to the bathroom and mid walk my Iphone beeped in my pocket. So I pulled it out and started reading an email from my new pal Katie. I pee, wipe and flush.

I said flush.

Nope. This toilet doesn't flush. Seems it hadn't for a while because tons of toilet paper is now swirling around. The mom in me kicks in and I reach next to the toilet, grab the plunger and go to work. About 40 seconds into my plunging I freeze and realize I AM PLUNGING BEN N JERRYS TOILET.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I dropped the plunger ran out and mumbled something about the toilet not flushing. Then I hauled ass back in there realizing I hadn't washed my hands.

How embarrassing is that? What kind of person plunges a public places toilet when they didn't even plug it?

I'm an ass!


It's a small world

When I started blogging I was a lurker for, oh about, 23 seconds. Then I was like fuck this I want to comment. I made friends and found people in different parts of the world and it was all fun. Then one day I started finding people I knew. First I found Emery. I had known her since elementary school. Then Sharilee found me and took FOREVER to comment. A couple other people from school found me and then one day Jen found me. The cool thing about blogging was that people could read and decided if they liked me or not. Emery and I still chat here and there. Sharilee and I remain great friends and for a while Jen and I were pretty close. It's crazy what a small world this blogging thing is. I've stumbled upon other people I went to school with too.

Today I got a really hilarious comment from a blogger I wasn't familiar with. I strolled over to read about her and comment back. Suddenly I found a picture and realized DUDE I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH YOU. She wrote back saying sending me a link that was actually about me. I'm linking this for two reasons, 1. her post is pretty funny and 2. Her entire blog is pretty funny. Her name is Katie. Hi Katie nice to meet you again.

Anyway, now my interest is piqued. Are there any other bloggers out there who know me? Are you secretly reading thinking, yup shes just as looney as she was in second grade? If so delurk. I love meeting up with old friends and talking.

I guess I'm declaring today national delurk on Shannons blog day. Let me know, who are you, how did you find me and do you know me in real life. Then I'll follow the link and come read about you. I'm always looking for fun new blogs to read and there is no better way to get traffic then to comment. So comment away and I shall follow!


My mom asked me last night how I've been. My reply was OVERWHELMED. I notice signs often through out the day telling me I'm heading back down that spirally dark place again. When I notice this happening the hardest part is realizing that I notice it the most in my parenting.

I don't know if Brandon is just experimenting lately with ways to annoy me or if it's just the monster in me that makes him so hard to handle. Either way he's spent a lot of time in time out. Right now the issue at hand is not listening. This isn't general toddler assholey not listening either, this is a new form that I call FUCKYOUMOM. I tell him to do something like "finish your pancakes." He will look at me and say no. Then he will just walk away. Then ask for something, to which I reply, "finish your pancakes." To which he replies "I SAID NO." It goes round and round and before you know it he's in time out. Time out used to mean he would sit in there and be quiet because he was still playing with his toys. Now it means he screams and cries to the point where I'd rather let him sit out here and be a bossy little asshole to me then listen to him fucking cry in time out for five minutes.

He wants more milk and I told him no milk till you finish his pancakes. His choice is then to sit at the table and bang his milk cup until he bangs all fucking sanity from my head and I end up yelling, "FINISH YOUR PANCAKES OR GO TO TIME OUT." His reply was, "NO I WANT NILK NOW NOW NOW RIGHT NOW MOMMY NOW."

Can you guess where he is?

He's sitting in his room crying, "I don't want to be in time out." So I told him, "Brandon if you don't want to be in time out finish your pancakes." He came out and started crying for me to hold him. I told him to finish his pancakes, that was part of the deal to getting out of time out. Instead he chooses to sit here and cry to me that he won't eat his pancakes, he wants daddy, and that the is "SO SAD." While every bone in my body just wants to hold him and make him stop crying the brain in my head says, NO Shannon he needs to learn to listen to you. He is now back in his room in time out crying and crying and crying about daddy. In case you are wondering he can actually cry in his room for a god 30 minutes before I will have no choice but to go in and get him so he can go to school.

I don't understand why he can't just have the sense to listen to ME. He listens to his teacher, his dad, my mom, my dad, the kid across the street, my cousins and fuck he probably would listen to the mailman. So why is it only me that my son refuses to respect?

Last night he wanted a toy. I told him he could have it if he just put away his three other toys. He actually cried on the floor of his room for 25 minutes about not cleaning toys and wanting daddy. What do I do in those situations? Do I go in and try and appease him or let him scream? Some days parenting is so hard. All I know is at the end of the day, he's doing a lot of crying and yelling and so am I.

Yesterday he asked me for some whipped cream. I told him tomorrow at breakfast he could have it on his pancakes. So he went and asked dad. Dad said okay. Rob was in the bathroom so he had no idea I had said no, but still, it just aggravated me that he didn't listen and went and asked Rob.

Codi is going through a phase where he won't sleep with out a boob perma-affixed in his mouth. That means from about 9pm till about 5am he is attached to me like the handle I crazy glued back to my coffee mug. If I try and pull him off and lay him down he starts screaming immediately. The odd thing is he naps fine during the day. The more obnoxious part is a few weeks ago he started a new thing where he would have some milk, pull himself off, roll over and sleep all on his own. Now I feel like I sleep with a tiny suckerfish, only it's a suckerfish who farts and cries a lot.

My husband plays softball till September and as much as I know he needs a hobby I'm pretty much sick of softball. I guess softball wouldn't be so bad if I had a hobby too. I am trying to pick up running but it's hard to run when the days he doesn't have softball he wants to work out or drive all the way out to the field to hit balls. I got to run on Tuesday, and won't get to again until Friday because he had a game Wednesday and tonight he's driving all the way clear across town, wasting gas to hit balls. This probably would be fine if he didn't leave me home alone with a 3 year old who insists on spending the first 25 minutes crying about missing daddy, the next 30 minutes crying about how mean I am for making him clean, the next 30 minutes crying because I won't let him have sugar for dinner, 8 minutes crying because the phone rand and I need to talk on it not him, and the next 45 minutes crying because it is dark outside and he wants to go to sleep with daddy not take a bath and wait for daddy. All this time he is screaming my baby is screaming for a tit, or to be held or played with, and when I'm in a downward spirally kind of spot it's easy to say softball can really be the straw that broke the camels back. And by broke I mean snapped it in half, then beat it with a dead stick, then locked it in the closet and buried it alive.

I actually sent my husband a text last night saying I was going to lock myself in the closet to hide from all the screaming. If you’re wondering Brandon is still in his room screaming over and over and over DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY. All the fucking kid had to do was eat his last goddamn pancake.

It's been 33 minutes. He is still screaming. We have to leave for school in 26 minutes and I have 3 people to get ready. I guess mom has to give in and go get him one more time. I just walked by his door and noticed he's not only crying and yelling for daddy he's actually laying on the floor kicking his feet as he does it.

So. For those of you wondering how I'm doing? I'm barely holding on. I'm feeling like a fucking asshole. I'm snappy and rude and cranky and bitchy. I'm doing a lot of bitching. I'm doing a lot of poor me, and I'm pretty sure I walk around with a fixed scowl on my face!

I saw the doctor the other day, and she followed up with me about where I was last time we talked. Last time I talked to her was the day I found out I was pregnant with Codi. She asked my thoughts on starting medicine and agreed that if I can hold out for the sake of breast-feeding that I should. Something in the way I was talking to her made her ask me how I was. I guess she could see the big FUCK YOU sign on my head or something. Either way, she wants me to call her as soon as I wean so we can talk more about making me less of a fucker and more of a lover!

** Update: It's now been one hour and 7 minutes of him laying on the floor alternating between screaming about daddy and nilk. I finally opened the door and calmly said, "Brandon stop crying." I asked him if he was talking to me like a big boy and he said no. I said what do you have to do to get the milk and he replied, "ask nicely, stop crying." So I asked what he wanted to do, he stopped crying, looked at me and said, "I have nilk please?" He's okay now but I'm not. I'm mad I yelled. I'm mad I got so mad about it all. I'm mad that I can't always handle being a mom. Maybe I'm not mad maybe I'm more sad.


Oh and about that

No I didn't just give up on the clusterfuck house blog. The insurance company and the builder have been goign through the house better to make sure they have it all figured out and they have enough money set aside. The number now is pretty large I'm stunned it could get bigger. I will post as soon as I have more pictures!


huh, whats that now

* The saddest thing ever = putting the cookie in your mouth, chewing it up and then realizing your out of milk

* I believe there is a huge difference between lies, and things you just don't tell your mom. The same way that I believe it is totally okay to tell a lie in situations like, "No honey your dad and I never have sex anymore." Those kinds of lies are juuuust fine

* I'm trying to run around a mountain. So far from my house around the mountain (.74 miles for the mountain) and back it takes me a whopping 15 minutes. I want to get to a 10 minute mile as soon as possible

* I hate Libra on Big Brother. What kind of piece of shit mom leaves her fucking 4 month old babies behind? She's obviously not breast feeding.

* I've had my Iphone for about a month now. I still want to tuck it under my pillow and sleep with it at night because I love it so much.

* In the last 8 days I have received chocolate three times. Mathers, Shawna and Stephanie brought me (or mailed) me chocolate. I love people!

* I'm exhausted but I can't sleep because I exercised to close to bedtime and I'm all hyped up.

* The baby is asleep so I have to go lay down and cuddle my husband for like 14 seconds before he wakes up.



Friday Brandon turned 3. He had 3 celebrations too! Each one was hard for me. It was hard as he held up three tiny fingers telling everyone he was THREE NOW. It was hard as he interacted with the kids like a big boy. Hard when someone asked him to smile and take a picture with mom and instead he chose to give me a big cake filled kiss. I knew parenting was hard, but I never knew how hard it would be to have your kids grow up. I spent so many years wishing time would just hurry up and now I wish it would just slow the fuck down.

I have a bajillion pictures, and they are on my flickr. I will put up a few of my favorites on here. This weekend was amazing. Brandons big birthday party was a huge success. Everyone who was important to me showed up. Every one of my husbands friends came, and almost all of mine came. Our families came and even some kids from school. Shawna even drove all the way down from Eurika. Friday we went to dinner with her, her husband and her daughter. Her daughter was so well behaved, in fact she behaved better then Codi who was on a mission to destroy the table.

My favorite part of the weekend was just seeing how extrodinarily happy Brandon was. He had his little friends there, even one from school. He got to drive them all around in his new Jeep. All of the kids got their faces painted and tattoos from the pirate entertainer who showed up. Even the adults got tattoos and stuff which just made the atmosphere so much fun.

I know I'm supposed to write some long drawn out letter to Brandon on his third birthday but I think first I need to get my emotions in check. I'm having such a hard time with him being 3. I hate wathing him grow so old. Knowing that soon I'll just be mom. Not mommy come hold me, but MOM leave me alone your old and a girl.

I guess if I had to say something to him on his birthday it would simply be that I love him. It's always that. It is always how much I love him. No matter how much we fight, or how often I yell. How many time outs he has, in the end it comes down to one fact, I love that boy. I love him for who he made me. I love him for saving me. I love him for helping me realize each day that I want to be a better person. I love him for his tiny features. I love him for his boisterous attitude. I love him for being so brilliantly different. I love him for being smarter then me even at 3. I love every part of that child. I love my little Brandon. He will always be my LITTLE boy. Even when he is taller then me. Even when he's old. Even when he has little boys of his own, he is going to be MY little boy.

Happy birthday my sweet little Brandon. I love you more then your ever going to know.

And yes, there may have even been a water fight. I might have started it. And there is a rumor that I TOTALLY LOST!


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I love when your at a restaraunt and you go pee only to get in sit down per AND THEN realize both rolls of toilet paper are gone. I looooove wiping with seat covers.

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