10.21.2008

Lets talk preschool

Sigh. My son is in school. When he started he was in the 2-3 year old class. I loved his teacher. LOVE! I still love her and when it was time to transition him up to the next class I found myself wishing that teachers would transition with their class too. His new teacher is, um, cold, and always angry and always on the defensive. Since day one I have been afraid of her. I feel like when I say hi, even her reply of, "hi" is attacking and scary and MEAN. You know, those people who just look mean. Anyway. The point is, in Brandons last class he was good. So good in fact that the teachers were all stunned he had never been in school before. I went to time out maybe once a week but barely even then.

Fast forward to now when I found out the other day that my son is in time out at least TWO TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY. The most disturbing part is that I only found out because my mom picked him up and when she arrived he was in time out. My mom inquired about how often he goes to time out, to which the teacher casually mentioned he is always in time out. Obviously being his mother, she didn't feel like I needed to know this. Makes perfect fucking sense to me. The next day I inquired and in a very attacking way as if I was questioning her authority she let me know that Brandon likes to hold other kids or grab toys from them. Fine, yes that is bad, but shouldn't I have been told so I could talk to him?

After she said that, my mom, husband, dad and I all talked to Brandon and guess what THE PROBLEM STOPPED. However yesterday after he promised me he wouldn't go to time out, he went to time out twice. My husband picked him up and when we got home he told me to ask Brandon why.

Me: Brandon why did you go to time out
Brandon: Um I go to time out cuz I go potty
Me: Huh
Brandon: I just go potty so I go to time out.

I looked at my husband who replied, "that is true, they were outside playing and Brandon went inside to go potty with out asking someone."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

This woman put my child in time out for fucking going pee? I can understand that kids aren't supposed to go inside alone, but I also know that in the amount of time it would have taken him to go talk to her he probably would have peed his pants. I know my kid I know that sometimes he plays until the last second and before I know it Brandon is hauling ass to the bathroom and there are times he lets a little pee out before he even sits down. I was bothered by this and went to bed thinking about it. It didn't help that my husband said he went in time out again for not listening. Not listening about what?

This morning I went in and talked to his teacher. Before I even opened my mouth she was on the defensive. I asked about the potty time out. She said all the kids know they can't come inside alone. I asked her if he had been in trouble for this before. She said no. I was kind of shocked. I was stunned she would put him in time out for a first offense. Then I said, well, you know, the way he relayed it he was put in time out for going potty. She tried to tell me that she explained to him that he was in time out for not asking to go in. Which is fine if she says that but I know that the exact words my kids said are "I go in time cuz I go potty." I told her I was slightly worried this would make him just pee his pants outside instead of asking to come in since he now related that with time out.

Next I asked about the not listening. She said him and a bunch of other kids were going down the slides backwards so they all went to time out. I was stunned. Because he played follow the leader he got punished. So I finally say, "you know I'm just confused because my kid had no problems in the other class. Is something different here, because to me this seems like excessive time outs." At this point the teacher got very agitated and went on about how her class was more structured, she start using hand gestures to punctuate her point which I find insulting and angry. Basically is sounded like no matter what these kids were all going to go to time out every day. In fact the last four times I've gone in she was putting someone in time out INCLUDING TODAY. Today a little girl screamed and she went to time out. The teacher wasn't nice either she just YELLED "_______ in time out now."

I walked out of there feeling like nothing was accomplished and feeling like by asking about my son I was probably getting him in more trouble. I read somewhere that if a preschool teacher doesn't like the parent they will take it out on the kid. While I"m always overly friendly now because of this, I get the feeling that this teacher hates my questions and in turn is overly mean to Brandon. I stopped and talked to the other teacher who is in that class part time. She assured me the main teacher likes Brandon. However she agreed that time outing him for going potty was a little odd. She also totally understood that it was bad for Brandon to think he went to time out for going potty. This teacher responded to me kindly, in a nice voice with an understanding smile.

I don't know what to do now. In his last class when I had questions or concerns I could easily talk to his teacher and she would reply nicely. She would explain things, be understanding, and never make me feel like an asshole for caring about my kid.

Before I left I stood there and watched this lady with the kids and she comes off mean to them too. She looked angry at them even. I can't decide if this lady is just angry or going through something or what? No matter what, I don't feel like she has the personality to care for kids, nor the personality to deal with children's parents.

What do I do now? I don't feel comfortable knowing my son is in time out that often. I don't feel comfortable after hearing the other teacher, the part time one say that TWO TIME OUTS WAS NOTHING the other kids go at least 5 times a day.

FIVE TIMES???

Am I the only one who sees this as excessive? Am I the only mom wondering if they shouldn't maybe be talking to these kids and educating them instead of just shoving them in time out? Am I the only parent who even knows this is happening? Because had my mom not walked in while he was in time out, that teacher never would have told us.

I don't know where to go from here. When I enrolled him I read the parent teacher handbook from front to back. One of the things in there talked about teachers communicating with parents when there was a problem, and parents working on it at home. How in the fuck am I supposed to work on my sons school problems if no one is communicating and when they do communicate I feel attacked and like I need to go sit in time out.

What do I do?

16 comments:

Jessica said...

Wow. I'm not even sure how to reply. I want to be really angry and bash this woman because she really should not be working with young children. Is there a director around that you can speak with? Have you talked to any of the other parents?

I'm really just in shock. I had my daughter in full time daycare and I don't think she had 5 time outs during the two years she went full time and she was around Brandon's age. 5x a day is so excessive even 2x a day is excessive in my opinion.

I can see what you mean too that if she doesn't like you she might take it out on Brandon and he certainly doesn't deserve to be punished just because you need to ask her what's going on. Gosh.

your cali palie said...

she should NOT be a teacher. just like a parent shouldn't do it, a teacher should not use time outs all day long as it will lose it's effectiveness. and timeout's without warnings? sheesh. and poor b getting in trubs for going potty. i would complain to the owners. maybe anon if you wanted and then if things didn't change i'd be more formal. kids do NOT deserve crappy teachers like that. not fair.

Kim said...

WOW!!! I am floored. If she has something going on in her life that causes her to treat children like that she needs to remove herself from the classroom.

You need to speak to a director if there is one, or even go back to the teacher in his old room and ask what the correct "chain of command" is at that place.

I have had a few issues with Little Man's daycare but they pale in comparison. If he is in timeout, I know it when I pick him up. I don't think he has been in time out 5 times in the 19 months he has been there.

I question their transition reasoning as well. Little Man transitioned to a bigger room because on their evaluation sheets he measured above on everything for that room and at the average level, and even above level on a couple of items, for almost everything in the bigger room.

Did they do some sort of evaluation of the skills and behaviors they want learned in each room and was he so far progressed in the first room that it was obvious it was time to move him or did they need the space and since he was doing so well they moved him up? I know it was way harder on me to transition Little Man to a new room but he did so well and never had issues like that.

I truly believe that lady needs to find a new job maybe working in a toll booth - by her effing self all day long with minimal contact with other humans.

I am so sorry and I hope it gets better. Maybe ask Brandon too, I tended to take what Little Man said with a grain of salt but generally he is right on! Good luck!

Jenice said...

Go talk to the director tomorrow! This lady definitely should not be a teacher. The director shouldn't keep this teacher in the classroom for her own best interest. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck!

Patty said...

I really think you should talk to the director or principal of the school about this woman. Who knows how long she has been soing this to the kids and parents are none the wiser. I think if there is any repetitive time outs you should be told. Especially because Brandon is so nyoung and may not grasp the reasoning behind the time out and you can help clarify the situation.

There is something odd about this woman. She really should not be teaching kids so young. She doesn't seem to have the patience for them.

As for being a concerned parent...you should always feel like you have the right to question anything without reprocussion to Brandon. If those are your fears tell the administration this woman makes you feel this way. I can't tell you how many time my father yelled at the principal in my grammar school for something she said or did to me...remember the rubbing the makeup of my face story...he reamed her ass for that b/c I wasn't wearing makeup and she harrassed me. Oh yeah...that principal was a NUN...my dad didn't care when he reamed her b/c he was doing it for our rights.

moo said...

This post makes my tummy hurt.

I think you need to talk to the director of the program. Perhaps there's another class he can switch into? Even if it's above or below his age? Because this teacher isn't meshing with your son and you don't want his confidence to be destroyed by this witch.

angie said...

Ok as a teacher let me give you some perspective. First of all, if Brandon had been to time out two times in one day, you should have been notified that day! When my kids pull their clips twice in a day and end up in detention, a note goes home to their parents that must be signed. It explains why their child went and just like your handbook, it explains that I would like them to talk to their child at home about this problem! Not knowing about him going to time out excessively is ridiculous and like everyone else you need to talk to the director!

As for being a concerned parent! THANK GOD! I can't tell you how many parents a year that I don't ever meet! I mean ever...they don't come to parent conferences, they never pick their kid up and I never hear from them with concerns about their childs academics. Can I tell you how frustrating that is! I mean what if I was some cranky old teacher like this lady that had a huge paddle and hit my students with it...as a parent don't you think you would want to know the person that spends six hours a day with your child! That just baffles me so to hear that you are involved and have questions is a wonderful thing and don't let her make you feel any different!

I would for sure talk to the director and say that some of her time outs seem a little off like the potty one and explain your side. I'd be willing to bet that he would side with you!

Emery Jo said...

DEFINITELY talk to the director. Talking to this woman is going to get you nowhere, and it is not an unreasonable request to know how your child is behaving during the day!!

Jiff said...

Wow. This made me physically ill. You should definitely go straight to the director. This woman is NOT fit to be a teacher, nor around children at all. What scares me is... Brandon could suffer mentally from this and have potty issues. Something else to ponder: if you don't know about time out, what else is she not telling you? This woman should be fired, effective immediately. Please check him for physical signs of abuse and do this DAILY. Before and after. I don't mean to freak you out, but we had a child abuse case launched against US because we asked an old daycare why Z had marks on his face and lower back. Suddenly they accused US of abuse. It was awful.

Misguided Mommy said...

Jiff: First of all, there is cameras in the room, so the teachers are monitored at all times. Unless they are harming them outside I would know, and Brandon would tell me instantly.

Also. The woman is probably nice, she has 30 kids this year instead of 15 and I think shes probably at the end of her rope. I don't think this is okay or acceptable and I think the school needs to fix this before things get worse.

Jodi: They move kids at my school based on age only. In fact brandon was ready to move months ago and they flat out refused because his age wasn't right. They left my fully potty trained kid in a potty trained class for almost 6 months.

Finally, I hesitate to go to the director for one reason. Two weeks ago there was some other issues at the school, ie: not getting Brandons art work or paper work, and not hearing about his day. I called the director and talked about it. The next day the files were made and Brandons art work was thrust at me very snottily. I think the teacher was angry I went over her head for something I had asked her about 5-6 other times. The last thing I want is to be that mom who runs to the director, and/or reallly piss this teacher off more then she already is.

Not So Perfect said...

I would talk to someone. Have you tried setting up an appt with the teacher not during preschool hours. She might be a little stressed and unable to focus on your concerns during pick-up and drop off times. I think your concerns are valid and should be addressed.

Have you talked to other parents to see if they have similar issues? And yea they might not even know. I think they should tell you if he had to go to time out. Maybe they need more staff, do you think?

Heidi said...

I would recommend looking into other teachers. It is not a bad thing to get a second opinion and why waste an entire year of your kids simply hoping the teacher will come around. Control the things you can. I would also probably have a conversation with the principal/director of the school.

Cheeziemommie said...

UGH this is one of THE hardest things about sending your babies out into the world. I KNOW I could NEVER homeschool them but it still is hard to have some one else be responsible for instructing them and molding them. I LOVE My son's teacher but my daughter's just rubs me the wrong way! Maybe next year it'll be opposite? Or maybe I'll get lucky and love em both!
I have been a daycare provider and am going to school right now to become a preschool teacher so I'm looking at this from BOTH angles and you are NOT over reacting! Parent/teacher communication is VERY important and if ANY kid was in time out that often it is definitely cause for concern!
If I were you I would talk to the director. Explain the situation, that you've talked to BOTH teachers and are getting different vibes from both and that you don't feel the situation has been resolved. It sounds like you are very respectful of the school's rules and arent' expecting them to play favorites but to be fair. Which it does not sound like they are doing. It's pretty obvious too that the time outs are working - whether they were deserved or not - if the kids are in time out THAT Much!
Ugh I could go on and on LOL
Oh another suggestion, start popping in at random times if you can - pick him up early or whatever - just so you can catch them off guard and see what is going on! Maybe take a day off work and sit through a half or whole day and see what goes on then! Don't back down! :)

Missy Marshmallow said...

I awarded you on my blog!

Michelle said...

You go to the director now, no way no how is that teacher doing it *right* I worked preschool for years... she's not a teacher, she's a babysitter, and a horrid one at that

Amnesia said...

You need to talk to the director. This behavior that the teacher is displaying is simply not acceptable. It feels wrong to you, because it is.

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