The blanket

Codi's Christmas present from my mom. She made this for him. We went back and forth on themes and finally settled on this one. Make sure you check out the back.

Isn't it cute? It is super soft and Codi loves it! She hand embroidered all of the little squares too! The top pattern is one I loved at the fabric store. The bottom one is actually a swatch from a blanket she saw at Target.


Hello from my death bed (the couch)

Am too lazy to locate computer. Am so very sick. The good sick you know where snot drips freely from your nose. So freely that at one point while laying down snot actually dripped in perfect little drops onto my pillow. Which left me wondering if I should change the cover or just be lazy and flip it. Bet you know what I chose. I also have a rocking sexy cough that makes me pee a little if I cough too hard. My throat is so raw that breathing makes me cough.

Plus eating healthy sucks when you are sick. I stared longingly at my ramen today as I fixed my low. Al low sodium low taste soup.

I tried to take a nice shower but there wasn't enough hot water so I just ended up grumpy after that.

I've spent a large part of my day with tissue crammed up my nose. Codi is being a total shit head though and having a blast pulling it out of my nose. He also bit my nipple with his three and a half teeth today which absolutly did not help matters.

Finaly I'm having a massive case if vertigo right now. So I'm spinning as I type.

So that's where I am. Here I am. Here on my couch feeling sorry for myself.

Sent from my iPhone


They story of the pan

I've got a gazillion things to tell you about Vegas. But until I rest more and upload photos you get nothing but the story of the pan.

First of all, I went to Vegas for Christmas. I did not tell anyone because I always feel weird letting people know I'm gone and that my house is sitting there with no one in it. Back in August at Brandons birthday my aunt and my mom got to talking. They were chatting about Burning Man (you know the big naked boobie hippie love fest in the desert). My mom was explaining how she thought my aunt would love burning man. Since it was only a month away and it would cost a lot for my aunt to come back she proposed a deal. She would go to burning man if we would go to Vegas for Christmas. Long story short, there is an entire photo album of this years burning man I don't want to see and I spent Christmas in a wet and freezing Las Vegas.

I had a few things that were non negotiable for the trip. We had to go to outlet malls, take Brandon to the Shark show and eat at Sweet Tomatoes (my pants still haven't recovered from the food this trip). Finally outlet shopping day came and we spent a ridiculous amount of time driving to Primm Mall. At Aeropostal I got a shit ton of clothes 40%-70% off. At Converse I scored 2 awesome pairs of shoes for Brandon for only $19.99 each (normally $30.00). I hit the jackpot at American Eagle, Lucky and more. Bath and Body Works was a goldmine. Then finally WILLIAMS SONOMA! Most of the store was 40% off. Some even 70% off. However, my favorite part was that the entire collection of All-Clad was 50% off. I nearly died. Here I was on the most limited budget of my life and EVERY SINGLE PAN I ever wanted was half price. I went there for one item only. The 8" non stock fry pan. I call it an egg pan, because it is the perfect size to hand flip an egg in. The pan was originally $89.99 but it was 50% off. The kicker? There was an invisible ding in the pan so they offered me an additional 10% off. That means my $89.99 pan cost $39.95!!! The remainder of the store was on sale also. Let me show you everything else I got and the original prices.

Non stick fry pan $89.99
Professional full size sheet pan $29.95
Professional cookie sheet (mine was smaller) $19.95
Loaf pan $16.00
Pyrex 8x8 glass baking dish $10.00
Extra large spatula $9.00
Christmas dishtowels $7.00
Peppermint bark $26.50
Peppermint Kitchen Candle $24.50

I believe that is all we got, I can't be sure but I know for sure we got this much. The grand total, not on sale is $232.89. With tax that makes it a total close to $250.00. Guess how much we paid? Tax and everything $113.00!!!!! Holy shit batman. We got a minimum of 9 items for nearly the price of my one pan.

Needless to say I LOVE OUTLET MALLS!

Coming later this week, photos of the blanket my mom made. The food of Las Vegas. The malls that weren't discount cheapy ones! Our rad Christmas gifts, and the best ice cream I ever had that I'll never get to have again (hello Fresh and Easy please move to Reno! My favorite story that is coming? The tale of the stroller that is no more!



Can u hear me now

Dear asshole guy at the airport on your phone. We can all hear you stop talking so loud. Also it is obvious you are a tool and you are single. The lady on the phone doesn't like you. Stop bragging about what a fucking idiot you are. Stop talking about how much you dont understand the housing market. No she doesnt want to meet up when you get in town stop asking over and over how many more ways can she say NO. Your weesely laugh is annoying as fuck. We are all laughing at you. Next time maybe learn to talk a little quieter.

Sent from my iPhone


I'm at the airport watching my parents plane take off with my kid in it. While I understand that the little truck shooting steam at the plane is most likely a safety thing that doesn't mean a little part of me isn't screaming OH SHIT their plane caught fire look at the smoke. In fact that is what I did for the first two minutes till I realiWd what was happening. They should maybe warn us here in the terminal that no folks the plane isn't on fire this is a standard procedure. Cuz homegirl was freaking out

Sent from my iPhone



SO! Ginger and I are baking (pictures of that later). I have tried my 19048th cup of cocoa and eaten my weight in cookie dough. Needless to say I'm on a good sugar high. Which is why, when Tootsie Roll came on my Ipod I found myself in the living room re-enacting my cheer leading days. So. With out further ado I present










School picture and the piano man

Brandons first school picture. I want to know who this guy was and how in the fuck he got my kid to smile like this.

Seriously after Christmas, once everyone has seen the card and the pictures I'm going to post the outtakes on here because they are funny shit and none of them, not even the good ones look like the kid above. This picture man, whoever he is, IS A GENIUS!

Brandon, like his mom has created his own language. He often comes up with words that he uses normally like they are just...regular old words. He likes to say, "juke." What is a juke? Beats me. He does it whe he is poking you, or tickling you or something. He also loves to say Shawka while making the hang loose sign. Papa taught him that. So, now when he is in trouble I'll say, Brandon why did you do that? He looks at me, thinks for a second and says "shawka" and runs. He has a favorite though. Bawka. Pronounced like Bawk uh. He often says you are a silly bawka. Today he told me I was a silly bawka. Finally I said Brandon what on earth is a Bawka? His reply?

"A bawka is a knucklehead mom and you a bawka."

Thanks kid!

And finally, the piano man!

I believe we have the next Billy Joel on our hands


Possibly pigtails

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to have these dorky short pigtails. Now I have them...and as I expected they make me feel extra dorky, in a good way!

Also seriously who gave me photobooth. I swear I will stop taking pictures of myself and posting them here!


I'm not supposed to blog about it

My husband gets all weird when I blog the nice things he does. He says he would rather have me say it to him then the blog. So, I told him thanks which I think means I can blog about it now. Besides it's my blog I can do what I want. Anywho. About a week and a half ago I came in the room and got in bed. I immediately recoiled from the ice cold freezing sheets. Of course this led to me sitting in bed pouting about how I don't have flannel sheets and how poor me my bed is cold. I then suggested to my husband that obviously the simple answer would be for him to just go ahead and warm up my side of the bed for me and then he could go lay on his cold side since it didn't bother him. Y'all the past 4 nights he has done that. I shit you not. I have been staying up a little bit later then him trying to put Codi to bed. Then I go into our room to find Rob laying on my side of the bed snoring. As soon as he hears me he hops on over to his side and I get to slide into some nice warm sheets. It is beautiful I tell you because I love nothing more then WARMTH!

Then, this weekend when fucking Jodi had to go and tell me that Linens N Things was having a going out of business sale I casually mentioned to Rob that I had found some flannel sheets on sale for $29.99 all the way down from almost $70.00. He told me to buy them. Those puppies should be here any day!

Another cute thing he did. Last week I forgot to start the coffee pot the night before. Who am I kidding. I haven't remembered to start that thing in about 3 months. But I have been getting up and doing it fine in the morning. However once last week when he knew I had, had a particularly long night he woke up extra early got it all ready and as he walked out the door he said, "coffee's ready just gotta push the button." Oh yeah you bet I jumped right up and ran over to get some! It was just so extra sweet.

How about how he's been making the cutest effort to open my door every time we go somewhere together. Seriously people it's the sweetest shit I've ever seen. I've never been big on all that chivalry stuff but when he does it I totally melt.

And yesterday, he left a little early so he could go out and wipe all the snow off my windows and get my car all ready for me. Saturday I was going somewhere in his car. With out even knowing it he started it, turned on the heater and had it all ready and warm before I even got in.

Last week I woke up to find a card hiding in my closed laptop from him. It was so sweet saying that he loved me and that he loved my new hair too!

You know, sometimes I may want to totally kick my husbands ass, but most times he really puts a smile on my face!

Finally my favorite thing he's been doing lately. He's been making a huge huge effort not to fart in front of me. Especially not at the dinner table anymore!

But you know, before you all think I got sick and mushy on you I didn't. I just ran out of things to talk about and figured why not talk about him. And it's not like I was telling you the blue sani hut water story, or the army crawl story I was just telling sweet stuff. You want to hear some really romantic stuff? Last night we cuddled up on the couch and watched an infomercial about colons. Yes. I sat next to my husband and watched him get all giddy over a 6 foot long black poop that some miracle pills make you do and how much he REALLY REALLY WANTS A 6 FOOT BLACK POOP OF HIS OWN!

So, yeah. Then there is that!

This is one of the Christmas pictures that didn't make the card. We have an even better pic together that I will show you when our cards come in!



We went to take pictures this weekend and Ginger came along to act as photographer. Seconds before we got in the car I had Rob snap a photo of us. Aren't we cute! I love my Ginger!

(Also I totally ruled at the board game Life for the second time in a row...RULED)



My pants are always frayed at the end, possibly because I'm too short. I like them like that, it feels like me, a little frayed at the ends. I can't chew minty gum. I like fruity stuff. Mint brings me down. There is never enough basil on things. I always feel stupid asking for more basil. My shoes are never organized. My side of the room is always a mess. I am a mess. My extended family makes me feel like I'm drowning. My kids are the single most amazing thing I've ever done. I wish I would have attended culinary school. I want to taste everything on the 1001 foods you need to try before you die list. I probably would never taste them because they are scary looking.

I don't fuss with my hair. I don't wear makeup. I'm the most high maintenance plain person you will ever meet. I drink coffee for the taste not the flavor. I love soup. I don't eat soup enough. I could waste a whole paycheck on Itunes. My Ipod is dying and I feel like a little piece of me is too.

There is never enough coffee. Or enough hot water. But always plenty of dishes. And crumbs on the floor. I wish my kids could wear footie jammies always. I can't imagine that some day they will grow up and move out. I wish they called me mommy and not mom. Mom sounds so grown up. I would love to cook like the people on Top Chef. I want to be a judge on Iron Chef. Not on a day they serve fish though, I don't think I would like trout ice cream.

I get excited over little things. Most recently I was thrilled over a new Maxi Pad. My littlest keeps calling the operator. I need to take a shower but my husband is sleeping. We are taking family pictures today. I wonder if we can photoshop out my donut waist. Lets photoshop out my sons lack of haircut too.

I'm tired. Very tired.



It is coming on fast this time. I can feel it. I suppose it is a positive thing that I know when my dark times come. I can give people warning. Although, I imagine if they look hard enough it is easy to see it coming. I told Rob to be on the look out and he is. He's kind of treating me like a fragile package which is smart for him because right now I'm mostly like a time bomb. You never know if I will react by screaming in your face or simply breaking down into tears. Although thinking about it, I'm not sure he really needed me to tell him. I think the other day when I looked over at him for no reason and said, "it would feel so good to punch you in the teeth right now," with a dead serious smile on my face, he knew...in fact that might have been a dead give away huh?

I called my pediatrician yesterday just to verify that I really really can't take anything. I asked about Ativan, Prozac and Zoloft. She said they were all classified as, "not enough testing done, could cause long term negative effects," meaning she absolutely could not advise me to take anything. Her advice was to stop nursing. Which, awesome, yes let me stop eating my child who has a food aversion and refuses to eat anything but boobs.

I am happy though that the people in my life have finally stopped trying to offer me suggestions. I've been dealing with this for at least 15 years and personally I think I do a pretty great job of handling it with out medicine. I've tried everything and, for the most part I know what works. Honestly, when people make suggestions to me it makes me sad, it simply makes me feel as though they think something is wrong with me. I function fine, I go to work, I shower, cook and clean and act human, and yet they feel so bothered by me they have to tell me how I should change. I think it would simply be easier to allow me to work it out the best way I know how and just be there to listen. I guess, I tell you this now, so that if you have someone like me in your life it can serve as a warning, stop trying to tell them how to be different. You may think you are offering helpful advice but honestly to them, you might as well be screaming YOUR DOING IT WRONG PLEASE CHANGE WHO YOU ARE TO SUIT MY NEEDS. Just because you may be uncomfortable around a person like me doesn't mean you need to tell me how to be different, either leave, or learn to deal with it. I'm not harming anyone so why on earth would you waste so much energy telling me I'm not handling my life right? It is a relief to have the people I have in my life. They simply act like a friend, listen and let me work it out myself.

I love when people ask me about it though. When they try and learn how I work instead of just sit back and judge. Katie spent a good 20 minutes on the phone asking me about stuff today. About my insomnia and my photographic memory that never stops. I was telling her about my mind. How the memories never shut off. I spend my day clicking through images. Remember those old school toys with the slide things you put in them, and then you would click through and see different pictures. That is exactly how my head is, only someone else is in charge of the clicking not me.

Viewmaster childs toy = my head

The worst part is, they aren't even always worth while memories. For example, at least once a week I find myself remembering the time my friend Sandy's mom asked her to make toast. So I went with her and watched as she slathered bread with margarine and then shoved it in the toaster. Butter was dripping out all over the counter and I was massively grossed out. This is a pointless memory yet I have to re-live it weekly. This is part of why I never sleep. The sleeping pills never did anything to shut down my mind. Can you imagine trying to sleep while your brain is busy replaying images of the time you went to Taco Bell and ate a taco, no not that time, the other time. Or how about trying to sleep when your mind won't quit playing the time that guy brought you chicken noodle soup because you were sick, but you didn't eat meat, but you didn't want to make him feel bad so you ate the fucking soup anyway just to be nice. Yes. It is hard living in my head. The memories, the slide shows, they never stop and they span back to when I was about 3. Maybe earlier, because the memory that plays the most often of all is when my dog got stolen when I was very very little. Followed by the stupid memory of this sticker my dad had that said Phishlips. On my fucking deathbed I'll still see that goddamn sticker in my head.

I hate the feeling of wait though. I hate knowing it is coming and having to just sit here and wait. It's mostly here but the worst is yet to come. I never really talk about that time. That is when people really start worrying or feeling sorry for me. I know I'm thankful I found the man I did. He's a special kind of person for dealing with this crazy. I'm trying to be more aware this time. More aware with the kids. If I sense myself getting angry or moody I've started letting Rob handle bed time for Brandon or having him hang out with him. It is easier then blowing up over nothing, yelling and then feeling worse then I already do because I'm a terrible mom who yells. It works well and I'm able to make sure every second I spend with my kids is happy and fun and relaxing.

I guess that is why I finally decided to entertain the idea of medicine. While I know I'll still always have these periods, I also know the meds will help enough that I won't have to walk on egg shells around my kids and family. I can't wait to not be the mom who yells. I'm hopeful at the prospect that my kids will always remember a smiling dorky mom who just loved to play and hang out with them. I'm hopeful they will remember only fun story times at night, and games of tag, and cooking in the kitchen and never ever remember me having a full fledged melt down because the toothpaste fell off the toothbrush or because their hair wouldn't comb just right.

Anyway, you are warned, I have no idea how my future posts will be. I'll try to keep it light and fun, but there are no promises. At least now you know.

Finishing up Brandons room

We made some more progress in Brandons room. His letters are hung on the wall (I still want to paint them but it is too cold outside for me right now)

Rob got his antique fishing rod hung up this weekend
And look!!! Brandon already caught a big one!
WE pulled the hook out of the lure and nailed it in the wall so he thinks he caught a fish.
Brandon thinks he is pretty cool with his very own fish on the wall!



I was reading Brittany the other day when she showed us her Christmas tree. Like me she has young kids at her house so she wanted a safe tree. She found a bag of those ball pit balls at the thrift store, poked holes in them, stuck some string in and hung them on the tree. I thought it was genius, only I couldn't afford to go buy balls. So I roamed my house picking up loose baby toys. I started tying strings to them and putting them on the tree.

At first I wasn't sure how it would look, but the more little toys I found the more fun I had. I pulled out some of Brandons wood puzzles and tied strings around the pieces of those and the animals looked so cute on there (You can see a giraffe puzzle piece and an elephant in the above picture). Slowly I started getting more crafty. I tied ribbon around Brandon's favorite cookie cutters, and stuck some of the big soft balls in there.

I even tossed in a Halloween pumpkin. There is also some Spongebob fishing bobbers. I hung up what non breakable decorations I had and called it done. I am totally thrilled with it. This is my favorite tree and best of all it is SAFE! Can you believe not even an hour later a friend emailed me about he daughter having to get stitches in her foot that weekend from stepping on an ornament that had fallen off the tree. Right then I knew I made a good choice.

Thanks so much for the genius idea Brit! I think I'll keep this up for at least 3 more years!


Answering your questions

An anonymous commenter posted on my no peanut post with a question,

My daughter, who is one of the pickiest eaters is going into preschool in January. This whole time, I have been planning the majority of her lunches to be pb&j since that's one of the few cold lunches she will eat. After reading your blog, now I'm at a total loss of what to feed her. She hates meat, the only meat she will eat is bacon, chicken nuggets and fish sticks. Her school only allows cold lunches... so do you have any suggestions? I hate the idea of her causing another kid harm with pb, but now I don't know what to feed her.... what food to you pack in your son's lunch? TIA for your help!

I thought I would post my reply. Also if there is anything I left out please feel free to leave her more thoughts in the comment section. Please excuse my errors this is from my phone.

misguided mommy said... hey anon. I'm writing from my phone so please excuse the spelling errors. First keep in mind cold lunch doesn't mean the food has to be cold it simply means they won't heat it. I have a great very cute crayola thermos I got at target for brandon. I heat sgetti,macaroni, and soup before school and it is still warm for brandon lunch. Guess what I bey chicken nuggets would also stay warm. Other kid friendly items, gogurt dry cereal, cheese sammiches (brandon also hates meat), fruit like melon or grapes. One kid in brandon class last week had lunchables. I have done spagettios and even dry feral with a cup of milk for the teacherS to add to the bowl ( think g dry cereal in a bowl with a snack lid and then either a small carton of milk or a large enough sippy cup full that they can just poor some out). Poptarts don't have nuts. Cheetos and fruit roll ups are safe too. Mini eggos warmed in the thermos with a snack cup of syrup to dip in. Even oatmeal and cream of wheat. Cora soup or alphabet soup. Anything she can/will eat in a thermos. Quessidillas even. Most chips. Pudding jello and yogurt. Chunks of cheese. Remember it is more important to pack food your kid will eat then worry how it looks. I was terrified the first time I sent brandon with a bread and cheese sandwich, cheetos, watermelon a d chocolate milk. His teacher was more impressed I packed what he would eat. Other ideas to help her eat. I used to cut brandons cheese sammy with cookie cutters. I also let him help pack it and finally I drew cute little things on his napkin. Last. You can always to cream cheese and jelly sandwiches instead of pb annnnnnnnd finally nearly every store even walmart sells soynut butter that is peanut free, she will never know.



And it's gone

My hair has been giving me a headache for a while now. It was so long, beautifully long, but at the same time, it was too long. I don't have time to do my hair anymore. It's not like when I was young and I could spend an hour fucking with it, no, now I spend 43 seconds brushing it and I'm out. My solution lately has been to pull my hair up. This has been causing massive headaches and, honestly it just looked like shit that way and sloppy. Finally, I decided it was time to cut the shit off.

I thought about doing a poll on here but I knew if you guys said don't cut it, I wouldn't because I was always looking for a reason not to. So, I very quietly made an appointment and just did it. I have two ponytail holders full of hair that I will be mailing off to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths program. My hair was long enough, thick enough and it hadn't been died so we made sure to cut off enough to send. I haven't styled it yet, I told her I was going home to shower so not to bother with styling. This is how it looked after simply drying on its own. I go back in five weeks after fucking with it some to get some layers and what not. She wanted to wait to do layers until I had played with it enough to know what I wanted, how I liked parting it and so on.

With out further ado, my new hair.

How it looks after a shower (it flips out or in, this is out)

Also, I'm very tired, and pale and I kinda look like crap today, so you know, try not to comment on the whole you look like a worn out mom thing KTHX!

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