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Have you ever noticed how easy the male life is? I have. Let see the obvious. They don't have periods and they don't have to be pregnant. Yeah right there = fucker heads to me!
However, other things they don't have to worry about. Some girls who are skinny won't get this, but most girls will. Men never have to worry about walking around in shorts and having the shorts hike up their thighs and make a nice little thigh sandwich out of your shorts.
Men totally don't understand your thighs rubbing together in the summer when you sport a bathing suit because they get to wear nice little board shorts.
Men totally don't understand what a pain in the ass shaving legs is. Not to mention remembering to shave under both arms so you don't come out looking half glamor and half hippie granola cruncher.
They really don't get hair. You know when you go to bed with wet hair and you wake up with that hair looking like you tied it in knots and then slicked half of it to your forehead and you suddenly developed cowlicks where you used to have a part. Men don't get that THAT DOESN'T LOOK NICE! Seriously there have been so many times where I've woken up fretting about my disaster of a hair do and my husband will say, "what, it looks fine." I want to scream THIS LOOKS FINE!!!!! NO THIS DOESN'T LOOK FINE!!! To any other girl this looks like crap. Any other girl would look at me and say, wow her hair is all kinds of fucked up. But men don't get that. Why. Why is it they are totally oblivious to hair styles?
On that same note, men totally don't get that women dress for other women not men. Know why? Because sorry dear but you soooo have no idea what really looks good on me! To you, jeans and a dirty shirt with two different colored shoes is fine, but to that girl over there I better be rolling in my finest duds or the shit talking will begin. Which leads to the fact that men really don't gossip. So not fair. How nice would it be to walk into a bar with all your friends and just sit down and drink? Noooo, when your a girl you have to walk in, freeze, do a full 360 with your eyes around the room, pick out every single person you hate then turn to your girlfriends and say, "did you see so and so is here," cross your arms and act totally un-phased, then check out the room again for all the competition, then walk over to the table where you enemy is and say hi and fake excited to see them, followed by walking up to the bar and making a scene out of ordering some stupid drinks and buying a round for your friends so everyone thinks you have money when you grab your Fendi wallet out of your Gucci purse and then of course get right on your cell phone and call some other friend and complain about everything that is happening and how you hate everyone there, and she is wearing that, and seriously I looooook so much better then everyone else. Seeeee why I say it would just be so much easier to be a guy and walk in and just drink. Uggg.
Not to mention men really don't understand going to the store and buying an entire shopping cart full of diet food and then getting home and declaring there is nothing to eat, then running to the gas station for chips and soda. Men just get the chips and soda the first time around, but we women can't do that because if we don't have the diet food in the house then we can't pretend to be on a diet when company comes over. Also having healthy food in the house is how we justify eating pasta covered in lard when we go out to dinner with people. This way we can say, "Oh I've been eating nothing but vegetables all week and I'm just so sick of dieting, I really deserve this," Meanwhile we all know she was home eating chips and candy. Men, they buy what they want, eat what they want and order what they want and they just don't get it!
We already discussed me not having periods, but since they don't have periods that means they don't understand how women NEED chocolate before their period. Or how we want to celebrate everything with chocolate, and eat chocolate when we are sad or mad or happy or bored, or its Tuesday. I mean really, how do men not get that Tuesday is a splendid excuse for a slice of chocolate cake?
Men also don't understand that just because you had ice cream after lunch it doesn't mean you don't want desert. How hard is it to get, women need desert 3 times a day!
Men also totally don't understand that to a girl, chips and salsa is a totally acceptable breakfast. Seriously have you ever noticed how men are all about eggs for breakfast and sandwich for lunch and steak for dinner and never ever can you mix those. Really, when was the last time you saw a guy consider pizza breakfast? Nope, its always eggs or cereal. Sigh. This means that when I wake up and devour chips and spicy nacho cheese, followed by four cookies for breakfast my husband thinks I'm out of my ever loving mind, me though, I totally don't understand fried eggs for breakfast!
Most men don't understand that women need a loofah, body wash, and a polishing ex foliating scrub, along with shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, scrubbing face wash, and a foot scrubber to complete their shower. They also don't get that NO I CAN'T JUST BUY THIS ALL AT THE GROCERY STORE. Sigh. I need to go to five different stores to accumulate all of this. Men are all, bar of soap jumbo bottle of clearance shampoo, don't forget to wash my balls, and I'm done!
There is a ton more, but I'd like to ask you, what do the men in your life just not get?
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 7:59 AM