why yes I am crazy thank you very much

About two years ago Rob and I were chatting about something and it led to a conversation about some foods he used to love. He was telling me about how much he loved a ham and cheddar melt and a Scrambled egg pocket, both from Jack in the box. The next day I emailed Jack in the box begging them to bring those things back. I never heard back.

Saturday I was watching TV and I saw a commercial for Jack In The Box. I believe the croissant guy was yelling at Jack. I'm not sure all I know is that there was a guy with muffiny things on his head and giant over easy egg boobs dangling off him. The point of it was that he was mad that Jack was replacing him. Then I glanced up and saw that he was being replaced with a SCRAMBLED EGG POCKET. I was soooo fucking excited. I made a mental note to tell Rob.

So I tell him and he was like, "yeah right prove it." Only I couldn't find the commercial again. So I go online to Jack in the Box and guess what? No egg pocket. I pulled every Google trick I know and still nothing.

I have issues with just giving up, you know this if your ever around me when I try and remember a name or a song or a place. I will go completely insane and not stop and try Googling on my phone and inevitably I would call Katie or Ginger and they would answer to hear me shout, "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO WAS THAT GUY WITH THE THING IN THE PLACE WITH THE STUFF??????????????????" And if they can't figure it out, oh man. I rip out year books, and photo albums and Myspace and it's awful.

So now picture me the next morning sitting in front of my computer furious I can find no proof that this egg pocket exists. I've even checked Youtube for a video of the commercial. I am hitting refresh feverishly on the Jack in the Box page hoping that suddenly the stupid NEW Angus Burger will disappear and the NEW NEW egg pocket will appear. Now I'm just mad. All I want to do is find one of these things for Rob because I know how happy it will make him. And now, since I can't find it I am consumed with it and I just want to see his face when he bites into it.

Fuck it! I'm calling. I dial the closest Jack in the Box and the lady who answers acts like I'm a complete moron and basically shuts me down. The second guy I called was really nice, and said they would be willing to take the pita from their Chicken Fajita pocket and make me an egg pocket. I thought about it, but what if it wasn't the same. The next place I called told me that sometimes only certain states get the limited time food.

THATS IT!!!! I'll call California. California has everything right? I first call Atwater because we will be there this weekend. NO! Then I call Auburn because we will be driving through there NO! I call Sacramento NO!

At this point I'm feeling pretty dejected so I sit back angrily thinking I've imagined the fucking commercial. I am now screaming at my cousin via Yahoo Messanger when I get a brilliant idea.

I AM CALLING CORPORATE!!!!! Yes you read right. I want to find this stupid breakfast pita for my husband soooo bad I am going to call Jack in the Box headquarters. I call. I get put on hold and then it hangs up on me. I'm not deterred though I call back. And a lady answers.

(I should mention at this point I had been on hold for so long I now had to pee so I ran in to pee thinking no one would answer and right as I started to tinkle she answers so I'm now sitting on the toilet holding in my pee trying not to let it echo, asking this lady about breakfast foods)

Lady: Thank you for calling Jack in the Box, what can I do for you?
Shannon: Hi, Ummm I have kind of a stupid question
Lady: Okay
Shannon: I think I saw a commercial for a scrambled egg pocket, the one where the guy with the over easy egg boobies was yelling at Jack, umm but I have called a bunch of Jack in the boxes and no one seems to have it
Lady: Well umm sometimes it is only in certain places
Shannon: So I'm right, right, you really do have it
Lady: Hang on, do you mean the southwestern scrambled egg pocket
Lady: Yeah it looks like it is only certain places
Shannon: Well um, can you maybe tell me where, because my husband REALLLLLY wants one and I can't find it in my town so can you please just tell me where to go to get one?
Lady: Uhhh hang on...ma'am it looks like it is only in San Francisco.
Shannon: So it is in California
Lady: Yes but only in San Francisco. It is going through what is called a testing phase. We release it in a big city and see what happens.
Shannon: So at what point will we know if it does good on testing
Lady: ???????????? (Now making post it note signs to show her friends that reads THIS LADY IS FUCKING NUTSO)
Shannon: So then if it passes how long until it is here in Reno
Lady: ?????????????
Shannon: I mean it will go nation wide right? How will I know?
Lady: Um it is in testing phase we really don't know until then, but if it passes it has a chance to be on our menu permanently
Shannon: Okay fine bye

(Can I just point out what a long conversation this was considering I was still holding in my tinkle and still sitting on the toilet)

So now I'm sitting here totally aggravated because I can in no way afford a trip to San Francisco. And what if it doesn't do good and my husband never gets to eat it again? I text his brother immediately who lives in SF and tell him he must go buy egg pockets right now. BUY LIKE 10 A DAY! Something anything, just make this thing pass testing.

I guess the point of this blog is to reach out to any readers I may have in San Francisco and beg you to please go buy this stupid egg pocket so it can pass the test and make it here to Reno.

I think my husband feels about this thing the same way a lot of people feel about that McRib thingy. How they get super excited when it comes back for a limited time. It is how I felt when Burger King got rid of the mushroom swiss burger and I could no longer get a mushroom swiss veggie burger and had to settle for a regular veggie burger. (side note for my veggie lovers, Burger King is genius and has Morning star veggie burgers on their menu).

How about you, do you have anything you miss? Any favorite foods that have gone away that you wish would come back?


Yesterday I wrote a quick email to Ginger.

"Hey have you checked out this website http://www.epicurious.com/?

And then I sat there for a moment, and I changed the email to;

"Hey have you checked out this website http://www.epicurious.com/? It's got neat recipes.

Because suddenly I realized one might glance at the link to that page and wonder, why is my good female friend sending me a website about being epicurious, and just what is epicurious. And then I promise I didn't google the word epicurious just to see if maybe it was something funny and naughty and find out it wasn't, and then feel like more of a loser for being embarrassed to type a word that meant nothing.

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