I often feel like I'm too young to be a parent.
There. I said it. I feel, as if I'm playing house and any minute now my mom is going to come out and tell me it is time for dinner.
You know the feeling (those of you near my age) when you try and do something and older people give you one of two looks;
The, aww isn't that sweet she's trying to act like an adult look,
The, little girl your too young to be trying this shit look.
I hate that. My job is financially based. I know some shit about billing, and taxes and filing and what not. I hate when you try and have a decent conversation with someone and they look at you like you're just too young to know. I was talking to my attorney the other day. He asked how long I had been at my job. When I replied 11 years he looked at me like that wasn't possible. Then he did the math in his head and said, "you're trying to tell me you've been working since you were 15 (I was still 26 at the time). I was mad. Because yes in fact I have been. Since day one at night after school it was me in the little office in the back of our house posting the very first purchases and invoices. How rude of him to assume that someone my age could have that kind of job history. That I might know something. I realize kids now a days would rather play video games then work, but that was just poor judgment on his part.
Another great example of being made to feel SO YOUNG is when I talk about the upcoming election. Every time I express my points of view, my reasons for voting for ____ I'm looked at like a silly little girl. They look at me like, aww aren't those ideas so cute. Or, how sweet she thinks she knows politics. It happens the most when they realize I'm not voting for their guy. They suddenly look at me like, oh it's okay your only voting wrong because you're too young to know.
I get the same looks when I talk about parenting. At baby showers, grocery stores, and family gatherings anyone over 40 basically looks at me like I'm a fucking rookie at parenting. Like I'm doing it wrong, like I must NEED 70 years of advice because, "honey someone your age can't possibly take care of those kids." It blows my mind. When I spout of random pieces of knowledge, like how to unplug a constipated kid, or why you shouldn't give young kids Motrin (it upsets their tummy if they haven't had a full meal), or my sure fire way to relieve gas, no matter what I get looked at like I'm an idiot. Like, awww how cute look at her pretending to know how to parent.
Some of you might be sitting there right now thinking that if I'm assuming this maybe it's because I subconsciously think I'm a bad parent. WRONG. Being 100% honest I'm pretty sure I am a kick ass parent. In fact, parenting might be the thing I'm best at. Since day one. Since pregnancy when I worried about how I would parent and my doctor informed me that very worry was a sign I would be a good mom because I was already thinking of my kids and preparing, from that day I knew I was going to rock at this. And I do! Do I have bad days? Sure. But honestly I feel like 98% of my days are spent being the mom you wish you had!
The reason I feel like people think this is because they either openly say it or their face is so blatantly obvious there is no way I can't know. It is kind of like right after someone dies. And every one walks up to you with that look on their face that says, "I just know your totally falling apart, oh and you look like shit." They don't have to say a word YOU JUST KNOW.
It is hard not to prove them wrong in these instances too. Hard to swallow my pride and let them talk my ear off about how newborns sleep better on their stomach and you should give them bottles of corn syrup instead of formula or breastmilk because that "builds good babies."
However I would be lying if I said, there weren't times I just felt young. I'm only 27. In my mind that is young. Often when I'm putting Brandon in time out, or wiping a babies ass, or staring at a mess that only a hurricane could have made that I step outside of myself and I feel like, I'm just a kid, a baby sitter, at any second these kids real parents are going to show up and I'm going to have to stop playing house. I guess because I know so many of my friends are out partying, and participating in general debauchery that I sometimes think that's what youngins like me should be doing.
There are other times I feel young. Today I had to call and RSVP to a party for a kid in Brandon's class. The dad answered and suddenly I felt about 13 years old. I froze up and felt all dorky and didn't know what to say. Surely someone older then me would have handled that better. I feel young when I take Brandon to school and all the parents are wearing suites or cute little spinning outfits sprinting off to the gym all the while I'm rolling in my jeans and Converse. I can feel them all looking at me thinking, how cute his big sister brought him to school.
However. None of this means there aren't times I feel really old too. Like last night, when I cheered because "YAY I STAYED UP PAST 730PM I RULE!" Yeah, then....I felt really fucking old.
Does this post sound rambly? Well it should. I wrote it while attempting to get my kid in his crib 3 seperate times. He refuses, and all I want is 20 minutes alone to eat some goddamn low calorie ice cream alone. I'm pretty sure he will be sleeping on me until he is 20. Bet I will feel old then!
I often feel like I'm too young to be a parent.
Posted by Shannon Mateo at 7:54 PM